Good morning, Hank.

It's Tuesday, March 11, three days before I have to turn in the first draft of the Paper Towns screenplay. So Hank, I was going to try to break the Question Tuesday world record today, but I just don't think I have time. I've got to get back to writing the screenplay, but the fact that I have no time at all today will not stop me from answering at least some real questions from real Nerdfighters.

Question 1: Where and when is your event in Amsterdam next week? It's on Thursday, March 19 at 7:00pm at De Jaren. Ah, man, how am I ever going to emigrate to the Netherlands when I suck so bad at Dutch?

Anyway, info in the sidebar. Anyone near or around Amsterdam should come! Also, quick reminder: this Friday I'm doing a fundraiser for an awesome charity called the Second Story in Indianapolis.

It's $5 if you're a student, $8 if you aren't. More info in the sidebar. Goose1977 asks: How do I get nerd girls to like me?

I don't know, that's not really my area of expertise. Hold on, let me get Willy. Hey, Willy!

Girls love you, Willy. How do you do it?! Kisses?

You lick their ears? I don't think that's- I don't- at least not at first, I don't think that's the way to get it done, man. Why do girls like you?

Is it because you pee a lot, or because you bark in the house, or because you make a lot of weird noises? Wait, is it because you're the silent, shy, aloof type? Bah!

The silent, shy, aloof type doesn't lick me in the mouth when I'm video blogging! No, I think I can tell you pretty succinctly why girls like Willy. It's because he's a puppy.

Guys, my first piece of advice about getting girls to like you: become a puppy. A kitten would also be acceptable, or possibly a sneezy panda bear. Goose1977, I've been dumped by a lot of girls, and in the process of acquiring those broken hearts, I learned one important lesson: girls don't like it when you get all creepy-stalkery on them.

See, the problem with guys is that we're needy, but we're taught that we're not allowed to be needy. So when we get in a situation where we're allowed to be vulnerable, we sort of, like, rip it open and let need flow out, and it's kind of disgusting. I have this theory that girls, at least girls not named Bella, have this warning system inside their heads, and whenever we get too obsessed with them and focused on them, it's like, "Beep, beep, beep, beep!

Back away! Back away! Beep, beep, beep, beep!

Back away!" Which, by the way, is a totally helpful warning system, because no girl, or any other person for that matter, will ever fill up the holes inside of you. It's like Chinese finger cuffs. Do you remember Chinese finger cuffs?

The way to get Chinese finger cuffs off of your fingers is, instead of being panicked and over-eager, just relax. Oh, and one other thing, guys. It will be really helpful if you can see girls as people instead of pathways to kissing and/or salvation.

One of the things I've noticed over the years is that if you treat girls like people, although admittedly people who like fart jokes somewhat less than the rest of your friends, they are much more likely to like you. Question 3: Hank has Song Wednesday, but why don't you ever sing? If you watched all of our videos, you'll know that at the end of 2007, I gave The Nerdfighters a gift, and that gift was me not singing anymore.

Question 4: Any new hot YouTubers? Oh, there are so many, but recent new favorites include Rransriggs and WheezyWaiter. They can be checked out in the sidebar.

Nerdfighters, I'm up to 100 Peeps so far, but that's nothing! Please keep donating! Hank, I'll see you tomorrow for Song Wednesday, and the next time you'll see me, I'll be happy-dancing in Holland.

DFTBA!