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Last sync:2023-01-28 07:45
Featuring Emily Graslie:

Special Thanks to Stefan Chin:

Make some cookies:

1 1/2 cups butter, softened
2 cups white sugar
4 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
5 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 200°C (400°F)

Bake for 6 to 8 minutes. Makes five dozen.

If you'd like to stalk me on the Internet, this will help:
Michael Aranda: Hello, and welcome to uh, Michael & Emily Bake Cookies But Mostly Emily Because I Don't Know How to Bake Things.

Emily Graslie: I already made the dough, because you have to let it sit for a couple of hours.

Michael: So when you say you made the dough, you actually made the dough?

Emily: Yes. 

Michael: Oh.  See, if I were making cookies, I would just go buy some Pillsbury Doughboy dough.  Tell me about the shapes of cookies we're making for Christmas.

Emily: We're making, um, Ursus arctos cookies and we're making Equus Ferus Caballus cookies. 

Michael: Oh.  How long have you known that you are obsessed with animals?

Emily: I actually told my mom I was gonna be a veterinarian.  Actually, I told her I was gonna be a veterinarian of large livestock animals when I was about three.

Michael: Is that how you worded it when you were three?

Emily: I said--

Michael: Hi, Mom.  I'm going to be a vet for large livestock animals.

Emily: No, I think I was more like 'I wanna be a vet but not of like, kitties and puppies, of like, horses and cows.'

Michael: You know, vets for cows have to like, stick their arms up their rectums.

Emily: So I don't know, the answer to your question, I've always loved animals--

Michael: What's the last animal you dissected?

Emily: We did the mink, that was fairly recent.

Michael: Have you washed your hands since then?

Emily: No.

(Cookie baking montage)

Emily: Bear.  This bear...his foot's stuck in a trap.

Michael: Their--their butts are touching.

Emily: Uh-oh.  I'm messing it up, oh no.  On accident. 

Michael: Oh, that bear just had a accident. 

Emily: Ohh, that's why you--oh, Jesus.  That's why you don't--

Michael: Jesus is the reason for the season.  Well, this is called the criss-cross technique.  You go uh, you know, left to right--I'll edit that out.  Okay, so this is like a puzzle, right? 

Emily: Yeah.

Michael: You wanna fit as many as possible on the thing.  'Kay, don't judge me.

Emily: I don't have the best customer service, um, I just, I get impatient with people that come in and they're like, I want my usual, I'm like, well, I've only been working here a week, what's your usual?  And then they're like, um, Becca knows, and I'm like, I'm not Becca.  Oh, jeez, these turned out a lot nicer looking.  Look at those.  Look at those Michael Aranda cookies!

Michael: Bam! 

Emily: They're going to go for $5 on eBay, ladies.

Michael: What are we doin' now?

Emily: We're making some frosting!

Michael: This isn't even really red, it's kind of like, pink-y--pink.

Emily: Do you want me to--you know, I could add some green to it, and it'll get darker.  Here.  Mix that in there.  Did that help? 

Michael: Hmmm...

Emily: Oh, no.

Michael: This looks like what happens when you mix the Play-Doh colors together.

Emily: No.  I ruined it!  It's a nice mauve color.  Look, see then I get creative and like, this horse is gonna have a green head.  I should put some sprinkles on its butt, it's gonna be a My Little Pony.  This is beautiful.

Michael: That's very artistic, Emily.

Emily: I went to art school.

Michael: That's very nice.

Emily: We did it.  Good job, Michael.

Michael: Thanks, Emily.

Emily: Merry Christmas.  Oh, these are pretty good.  They taste a lot better than they look, I think. 

Michael: I approve. 

(Arandavision outro)