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What would happen if all mosquitoes die? What do I do about my surprise YouTube celebrity boyfriend? What's the truth about John Lennon's "Imagine"? And more!

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 (00:00) to (02:00)

(Intro) H: Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John.

J: Or as I prefer to think of it, Dear John and Hank.

H: It's a comedy podcast about death and also other stuff, in which two brothers, Hank and John Green, give you dubious advice, bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon, answer your questions, and I forgot....

J: Give you dubious advice.  

H: Give you dubi--(laughs).  How ya doing, John?  

J: I'm alright.  I'm proofreading right now, or I'm like, dealing with the proofreader's queries for Turtles All the Way Down, my new book coming out October 10th, available for pre-order now at

H: So when people--like, when you have, when there's something spelled wrong in your book, they're like, hey, did you want to keep this spelled wrong or do you wanna, like, have it be spelled right now?  

J: That is one of the issues, but it's also, like, should you capitalize the 'T' in 'Face Time' is an issue.  Then there's the big, there's big difficult questions like, you know, word choice questions between what is technically the correct word and the word that everyone says, like, which is better to pick in that situation and it really, proofreading gets down to like, those parts of grammar where you're forced to think about why grammar exists, which is sort of interesting but also I've only had like, three hours of sleep so it's a little exhausting right now.  How are you? H: Good.  John, do you know about 80%ing?   J: Uh, no, what is 80%ing?   H: 80%ing is the idea that the first 80% of the work is actually only 20% of the work and the last 20% is like 80% of the work, so getting 80% of the way there is 20% and the getting, the last 20% is like, 80% of the work and so, what you should do is just forget about that last 20% and say, look, if there's a bunch of words spelled wrong in this book, that's cause I only wanted to get 80% of the way there.

 (02:00) to (04:00)

I had other stuff to do.  I had to sleep.  I have children.  I have a podcast with my brother Hank.  I have to be sharp and I have to be good and funny and I'm not gonna worry about whether Face Time has a capital 'T'.

J: Well, I'll tell you what, Hank, I 80% 99% of my professional life.  I 80% every vlogbrothers video for the last eight years, so just let me have this one thing that I spend a lot of time on.

H: I should just make a video on 80%ing and it should just end like, 80% of the way through, just stop, no 'I'll see you on Tuesday', just, yeah.  

J: That's a good--it's conceptually strong.  I don't know if I would actually enjoy watching it, though.  

H: Oh, John.  101 episodes.  How are you feeling?

J: I--great.  Couldn't be happier.  Um, just a little bit tired due to the lack of the sleeping.  I think that I'm not gonna--I will get some sleep once this book goes into production in mid-August, but until then, I'm just gonna be, I'm just gonna be the Little Engine that Could.  Hank, would you like a short poem for today? H: Hey, yes, I would.   J: Alright, this short poem is from Emily Bronte, but it was published under her known nom de plume, Ellis Bell, and also I'm not gonna read the whole thing.  It was sent to me by a listener named Sylvia who suggested it because we always talk about that Emily Dickinson poem, with "Hope is the Thing With Feathers" and she wanted me to read this poem because it's much more negative about hope, but I'm only going to read the final stanza.   Hope, whose whisper would have given balm to all my frenzied pain Stretched her wings and soared to heaven Went and ne'er returned again. "Hope" by Emily Bronte.  A story about hope leaving and never returning.   H: Hope is the thing with feathers.  It flies away from you and does not come back.   J: That's right.   H: Alright, John.  We got a first question from Ben, who asks,  "Dear Hank and mainly John, where would I pre-order a paperback version of your book Turtles All the Way Down that's coming out?

 (04:00) to (06:00)

My girlfriend and I both greatly dislike hardcover books.  I like turtles, Ben." J: Alright, uh, heh.  Unfortunately-- H: Do you have bad news for Ben?

J: I have bad news for Ben, but then I also have more bad news for Ben.  The first piece of bad news is that my book Turtles All the Way Down is not very deeply concerned with turtles.

H: But it's like turtle-free, it's like--how many turtles are in the book, John?  Is it just like, a low turtle book?

J: I would say it's not a no-turtle book, but it's definitely a low turtle book, so if you're looking for a high turtle book, I actually have a recommendation.

H: Yeah?  

J: Yeah, which is rare, but I do.  I have a good recommendation of a turtle-heavy book.  It's called The People in the Trees and it's by Hanya Yanagihara and it's very good, so if you're looking for a turtle book, check that one out.  However, if you're looking to read my new book in paperback, I would advise patience.  So the reason books come out in hardcover before they come out in paperback is, uh, there's a bunch of reasons, but the main one is that hardcover books are more expensive and the royalties are better, much, much, much better for authors, so authors are usually in favor of hardcovers coming out before paperbacks.  One thing that you could do, though, is you could rip off the hard cover and then just kind of glue all the pages together and then put on your own soft cover and that might suit your interests better?  But I also, I think hardcover books are beautiful and this book will be very beautiful.  I have seen some of the like, comps for what it's gonna look like.

H: Have you seen a cover? J: And it's good.  I have seen a cover, but I've also seen the--all the little detailed stuff that I really love in books, the way they bind the books, the quality of the paper, all that stuff is really good, like, it's finally as--in terms of a physical item, it's finally the--my--like, all of my dreams coming true.  

 (06:00) to (08:00)

So, I'm sorry, Ben, but I also think that you're gonna like the physical book available for pre-order now at   H: Um, I like the idea of just getting your Xacto knife out and being like, raa, raa.  That--those things are gone.  It's about personal preference.   J: Yeah. H: Yeah.   J: Yeah, I won't be mad.  I mean, the book belongs to you, so do what you want with it, but the paperback will eventually come out and I'm sorry that it's going to take a while, but I have worked very hard and fought to make sure that the hardcover is relatively inexpensive.  In fact, cheaper than lots of paperback novels coming out these days.  This question comes from Maya, who writes, "Dear Green brothers, what would be the ecological effects if all mosquitoes died?  If there was a virus or something that eradicated all mosquitoes, would ecosystems go to chaos or would we get along fine?  I'm asking because mosquitoes are the devil's spawn and also they spread diseases that kill a lot of people.  Thanks for asking, Valar Morghulis but mosquitoes first, Maya." H: Nice.  Mosquitoes--yeah.  All men must die, but mostly by men, I mean mosquitoes.  I, yeah, you know, first of all, it's not--we don't have to kill all mosquitoes.  There are so many species of mosquitoes that aren't the ones that bug us that much and there are only a few species of mosquitoes that transmit malaria and, which is the biggest mosquito problem and then, so you really only have to hit a couple of species for it to be a really big difference, but I think for the most part, we'd be okay.  Like, there's stuff that eats mosquitoes, but those things eat other things, too.  I--like, this idea that like, that all, like, the entire ecosystem is imbalanced and everything has its place, like, ticks?  No!  No!  Just, they should all die!  They don't do anything useful.  They just spread disease and suck blood.  Like--they work.  

 (08:00) to (10:00)

They function, ecologically.  They do a just fine job, but no, yeah, we could probably--we could definitely get rid of the mosquitoes that are the worst offenders without any problems.  In fact, we have tried and we continue to try and we have succeeded in some places.

J: Yeah, I mean, there used to be a lot of malaria in North America and now there's none, so there has been a lot of progress, but we have a long, long way to go.  There was actually an article in Nature about this, Hank, and it has a great--I won't read you the whole article, because like most articles in Nature, it's a bit of a difficult read, but it has a great sub-headline: "Eradicating any organism would have serious consequences for ecosystems, wouldn't it?  Not when it comes to mosquitoes."  

H: That's all you really need.  We did a SciShow on it, too, if you want to watch that.  It's probably a little more penetrable than any Nature article.  

J: Okay, Hank, we have another question and this one is one of those big difficult questions.  It comes from Ashley.

H: Hm, okay.

J: "Dear Brothers Green, I was babysitting for a family I don't know very well and the baby took his first steps while I was there."

H: Aww, that's cute.  

J: "Should I tell the parents?  Ashley."

H: Oh man.  No.  Definitely don't do that.

J: What!

H: Yeah, no, because like, everybody's always like, I don't know, I want to be there when Orin takes his first steps and I might not be and like, I'll be bummed if I'm not so like, just, like, who gets hurt by that lie of omission?  You don't have to be like, well, hey, guys, your baby definitely didn't take any steps while you were gone!  Not a walker, that one!

J: See, I would argue that um, if anything, you should lie in the other direction.  You should be like, listen, not only did your baby take his first steps, he also said his first word and it was "Ashley".  It was my name.  He looked me dead in the eyes and he said "Hello, Ashley.  I love you more than I love my mother," and that was all that he said.  It was weird. H: And then he was like, and then he said, "I know they're only paying you $20/hr and that's crap.

 (10:00) to (12:00)

Don't accept it!  I'm worth so much more than that!"  That's what he said, that's all then he stopped and he clammed up and he hasn't said anything since, so I don't know, that's just--take what you will from that.

J: Walked all the way across the room, told me he did not approve of my compensation package, and then clammed right back up.  Anyway, really a pleasure to babysit for your astonishingly verbal, extremely mobile child.  See ya next time.

H: Is it in--is it possible that I could get some equity in this baby, 'cause uh, I put a lot in.  Just a low percentage, I don't know, how does it work?  

J: Is that how you think babies work, Hank, that like, you currently own 100% of Orin's future earnings?

H: I don't own 100% of Orin's future earnings but I definitely am entitled to a percentage.

J: I look forward to the conversation that you have with Orin when he enters the workforce.

H: No, no, no, it's not initial compensation.  It's only after I'm old and in the home when I expect him to kind of, to contribute to the keep Dad in diapers and you know, Scientific American subscriptions.  

J: Wait, you don't think our parents are expecting that, do you?

H: Uh, you know, I think it's gonna depend.  

J: I nominate you, as I do so often.  

H: Alright.

J: I just--just to be clear, though, Ashley, no.  No, no, no, no, you should not tell the parents that you saw the baby take his first steps.

H: Okay, John's come around and he's decided to--

J: Unless you are directly asked.

H: Yeah.

J: And then I guess maybe you have to say yes, but even then, probably not. H: Yeah.  Yeah, John has abandoned the bit and he wants to make sure that you don't actually tell them.  This question comes from Bre, who asks, "Dear Hank and John, I recently started dating someone and everything's great.  He's super sweet and makes me laugh and I have a great time when I'm with him, but I recently found out that he has a not-so-tiny following online.  He's somewhat of a popular YouTube person and he has a decent amount of Twitter followers, enough to where people notice and stop him when we're out and they want pictures.

 (12:00) to (14:00)

I never wanted a life in the public eye and with the growing maliciousness of the YouTube community, I'm not sure that I could handle it.  How do I handle this budding relationship while also handling keeping myself out of the public eye if that is even possible?  Completing lacking a sign-off, Bre." Oh my.  Surprise YouTube celebrity boyfriend.

J: Ehhh.  Yeah.  I mean.  I feel like that's a great question for our spouses because they both--

H: Yeah, yeah.

J: --unexpectedly developed surprise YouTube husbands well into the relationship.  

H: Yep.

J: But at least with that, there was a measure of, I don't know, there was a little bit of buy-in, like Sarah was in favor of Brotherhood 2.0 as a concept.

H: Sure, yeah.  It was like, and it happened somewhat gradually.  It wasn't like, and surprise!  There were lots of decisions along the way.  

J: Right.

H: That--yeah, that were--that they were involved in.  

J: That said, it's hard.  

H: Yeah.

J: I think it's hard.

H: Yeah, I mean, it's also weird because I don't--like, I don't think that, you know, traditional celebrity is the same necessarily and so like, you're kind of in un-mapped territory here, so I don't know that anyone has particularly good advice for you except for people who have been in this exact position before, but I will say that, you know, when you talk about the maliciousness of the YouTube community, it isn't necessarily in that person's part of the community. 

J: Right. H: There are lots of areas of YouTube that are, like, just kind and supportive and maybe are smaller, but are big enough that people will still get recognized at the grocery store or whatever, and that is a way that fame has changed, where, you know, 99% of people have no idea who your boyfriend is, probably, but 1% is a lot, like, you see more than 100 people if you go to the grocery store.

 (14:00) to (16:00)

Maybe at some grocery stores.  I feel like I do.  That place just is full of people and yeah, so it might--I think that it has to come down to the individual like, situation, but also like, that's a pretty--is that a cool thing?  Like, is that also kind of dope?  Like, is there also like opportunities that like, neat things will happen that you wouldn't otherwise have happen?  You get to have experiences and do things.

J: Yeah, I don't know.  I think it depends on the person, but I do think you have to be realistic that you are--

H: Yeah.

J: --at least until the moment when that, when the person you're dating starts talking about you online, I think you're relatively anonymous.  After that, you know, there is an element of not being fully anonymous and to be honest, this is something, in a way, Hank and I have never been through the worst parts of because we've never had like, a public break-up, which is where I think it's really hard and where you do see some viciousness at times, even in very supportive communities, so I totally get the concern, but I also think until and unless you're explicitly mentioned, I think you can kind of fly under the radar.  

H: Yeah, there are certain kinds of YouTube content that like, ask for all that person's life to be laid out in front of everyone and if you were in a relationship with one of those people, you would know it.  Like, you would know from the beginning 'cause the camera would be out all the time, but a lot of people just like, make videos that are about a certain thing and they aren't about their life and so you don't necess--you don't have to be a part of their, like, public narrative.

J: Right, right.  Speaking of public narratives, Hank, I want to answer this question.  It comes from Rebekah, who writes, "Dear John and Hank, I love your podcast and it enriches my life."  Rebekah, that is far too kind.  Literally.  It is too kind about--

H: Yeah. J: --our completely sub optimal podcast.  "I'm quite the Beatles fan and the other day when I was listening to John Lennon's "Imagine", my brother joined me and said that it was a wonderful song, but he didn't like the political message it was sending and something about communism.

 (16:00) to (18:00)

My question is, what political message does "Imagine" send out, and also, can I continue enjoying it once I know the truth behind it?  Thankful for any advice, Rebekah."  So there's two questions here.

H: Yeah.  Also, it's--yeah.  I want everybody to keep on the lookout for my new YouTube video, "The Truth About John Lennon's Imagine".  

J: God.  Oh, God.  That is such a genre of YouTube videos.  There's two questions here.  One is, can you enjoy art that you find politically reprehensible, and the other question is, is John Lennon's "Imagine" a communist song, and if so, is that so bad?  

H: Yeah, I mean, first of all, even, like, I don't know that you could find th--well, I feel like the, yeah, I can definitely not enjoy content because of the message it sends, yeah.  

J: Yes, but you also--I also think that like, sometimes, you can enjoy content despite the message it sends.

H: Right.  

J: Like, I can like a song even if there are things in it that I find objectionable.

H: Sure, sure.  

J: The answer to "Is Imagine a communist song?" is yeah.  

H: Yeah.  "Imagine no possessions."

J: Yeah.  I wonder if you can.  "No need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man."  That's pretty--

H: Yeah.

J: That's pretty Lenin-y.  That's got a Lenin-y vibe.  "Nothing to kill or die for," that's less Lenin-y.  

H: There's lots of things to kill and die for if you're in communist Russia.  

J: But they do say "No religion, too". H: Yeah.  Which is pretty, like, that feels, whenever, you know, whenever I hear that song, I like, think about in the 60s saying like, imagine no religion.  Like, whoa!  Hold on there, bucko, that's a danger time that you've entered, but yeah.  

 (18:00) to (20:00)

People, you know, people heard the--and I think part of the message of "Imagine" and what's nice about the song is that it isn't saying, like, hey, there shouldn't be religion.  There shouldn't be possessions.  It's just saying, let's question this.  Let's look at it for a second and see what like, where the thing is valuable and where it isn't and without saying like, you know, without questioning it, then you don't ever get a chance to really even appreciate the good things that might come from things, so but, in the end, he does say "You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.  I hope someday you'll join us," and kind of saying, all of these things I asked you to imagine are things that I want to happen, but yeah, I mean, it's a pretty commie song, but that doesn't mean it's not beautiful.   J: Well, also, it also doesn't mean that it's wrong.   H: Right, yeah, yeah.

J: I--you know, I don't know.  I don't--I'm not gonna--I'm not gonna get into ideology here.  I do want to point out though that Hank is completely correct about the difference about saying "Imagine no religion" in 19--I'm gonna guess like '72 or '73, when I'm gonna guess that song came out, versus today, which is that then, the vast majority of people in the United States at least did to church every week and now, it is fewer than 40% and well under 40%, so, yeah.

H: Yeah.  1971, John, good job.

J: Things have changed.  Thank you.  Well, I know when the Beatles broke up and unfortunately, I know when John Lennon was assassinated, so I knew it was somewhere in there.  Let's move on to another question, Hank.  This is another one I really wanted to answer today.

H: Alright. J: It comes from Peter, who writes, "Dear John and Hank, I'm a teenaged boy who is a longtime fan of the pod and I have a conundrum.  I'm very interested in knitting.  However, I am scared that if I try to learn how to knit, I will be judged as a wuss or a sissy.  How do I solve this problem?

 (20:00) to (22:00)

The jaws of death will engulf you, Peter."  Well, Peter, you've already got the sign-off thing figured out, and that's great.   H: I don't think that--there's nothing you can do here.  If you're interested in a thing and you're worried about what people are gonna think about you, you either don't do the thing because the fear is too great or you do it and you deal with it and you look at those people and you think, why are you so silly?  This is like, what about this particular activity, which, by the way, involves giant like, basically weapons that sometimes TSA won't even let you bring on a plane, how is this in particular, like, what happened in society that this is a thing that is supposed to be feminine when, like, clearly it has no gender.   J: Right, yeah, I mean, but it is--it is also hard when you are a teenager-- H: Sure!  Yeah.

J: --to stand up to gender constructions and to stand up to those messages that tell you that you're going to be less of a person worth valuing if you do this or do that.  That said, it is awesome, it is courageous, and it makes the world better and it makes your life better in the long run, so I encourage you to knit.  Knit like a MoFo.  Just Charizard that MoFo, to go all the way back to the beginning of this podcast.  I hope you find it, man, I hope you find the will to knit.  I think that would be awesome.

H: And I think you also gotta recognize that what's gonna happen to you is what happens to 95% of knitters, is like, you figure it out and you start doing it and then it's like, oh yeah, okay, I get it.  I don't really need to make sweaters for the rest of my life.

J: I don't know, actually.  You might not find that.  You might find that it--

H: But it's--

J:--is super fun and challenging and interesting to make sweaters. H: Yeah, I'm just saying, that's what--that's what happens to most people, just having watched my friends go through their knitting craze, but also that doesn't necessarily mean that it's not going to come back later.

 (22:00) to (24:00)

You have a skill that's always there, ready for you to apply it, you know, especially post-Apocalypse.  Like, making a--like, making useful things out of strings is definitely a good thing to be able to do.   J: Great point, Hank.   H: Yeah.

J: Great point.  It reminds me, in fact, that today's podcast is brought to you by knitting.  Knitting, an amazing post-Apocalyptic talent.  

H: Ah, so good.  This podcast is also brought to you by turtle books.  Books about turtles!   They're books with high quantities of turtles, the recommended daily value, completely satisfied 150% of turtles, but--which is not John's book, Turtles All The Way Down.

J: Today's podcast is also brought to you by nothing to kill or die for.  Wouldn't that be nice.  

H: Wouldn't that be nice.  And finally, this podcast is brought to you by hey, John?

J: Yes?

H: Audible.

J: Oh, Audible.  The amazing thing where I listen to all of my audiobooks from. H: That's--that is correct.  You know, John, I figure we gotta start out this podcast sponsorship so we should really just do the ones that everybody, like, it's not like you haven't heard about Audible, right?  Here's my thing that I think people probably wonder.  Why does Audible continue to sponsor so many podcasts when I like, obviously already know about Audible, right?  Two reasons.  One: Cause it's really great and helps podcasters make a living.  Two: Because maybe you're the person who's just been on the fence and that you've heard about Audible but you haven't quite signed up yet and they're trying to get that person who hasn't, so if you're thinking about it, now may be the chance to try and go and look and see if you want to get your free book.  Your free download that you can get with our link instead of any other podcast's link, and John, we have a link, as you know, and there are two, because there are always two, because you get to choose whether you wanna use 'dearhank' or 'dearjohn' at or  

 (24:00) to (26:00)

J: I'm not gonna try to bias you one way or another, although I will point out that allows you to just use the right side of that 'J-O-H-N' so obviously that's better but it's up to you.  Point being, you can get a free audiobook right now at and it could be The Fault in Our Stars, which was read by Kate Rudd, one of my favorite audiobook narrators.  She's amazingly talented.  She has lots and lots of books on Audible but The Fault in Our Stars is one of them.  You can also get Paper Towns or Looking for Alaska or any of my books on Audible or you can get something that Hank would like, like, I don't know-- H: Are you listening to anything on Audible right now, John?

J: I'm listening to Jane Austen's Persuasion.  

H: Oh, look at that.  

J: Yeah.  

H: That's available.

J: It's good.  It's good.

H: I'm listening right now to the second book in the Expanse series, Caliban's War by James S. A. Corey, which is so good.  The book, the first one is also very good, and I love, like, when I'm listening to a series of books, I love, like, sticking--like, that it sticks with the same narrator and I get this feeling like the Harry Bosch series by Michael Connelly is like that, where you just like get so connected with the narrator and his voice for telling the story.  I also, I love that, and yeah, the Expanse series is fantastic.  The show is great and the books are great, and there's way more of the books than there is of the show, so you can be in the world longer, which is exciting for me, and I just finished The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, which also was fantastically read and very super frickin' interesting.  Everybo--I've been told over and over and over again that I needed to read this book, and I kind of sometimes have a hard time reading nonfiction on paper, but this was like, such a good cohesive story that kept driving through it and like, kept me wanting to listen to the next chapter that I was really glad I listened to it as an audiobook.

 (26:00) to (28:00)

J: Yeah, I loved that book.  I read it with words, but I'm sure the audiobook was good.  So again, that's or, my personal favorite, where you can get a free audiobook and a 30-day trial of Audible.  It really is a cool service and we thank them for sponsoring today's podcast.

H: Yeah, and they've got like, the crazy thing, like, I didn't even know this.  I was like, using Audible one day like, on the toilet, and it like--I went over and I suddenly realized that there's a bunch of content that isn't books that's available like articles from major news sources and like, Audible-specific content from like, Ashley Ford has a podcast where she interviews authors.  It's just great stuff.

J: Yeah.  Yeah.  Ashley Ford, of course, hosted one of the episodes of Dear Hank & John, when Hank was out on paternity leave, so--

H: Oh.  Yeah. 

J: She's great, and you can listen to her podcast at  Okay, let's go back to answering questions.  Hank.

H: Okay.

J: This question comes from Allison, who writes, "Dear John and Hank, I'm moving out of my parents' house, bachelor degree in hand, to a new state.  Birmingham, Alabama, actually.  You may know a thing or two about that place."  Hank was born there, I lived there for a long time.  "In the process of coming into my own adventuring out into this grown-up world, I've discovered that furniture is hacking' expensive.  Hundreds of dollars for a chair??  I've also realized that I'm vastly unprepared for this.  I don't know how taxes work.  I don't know how to set up WiFi at my house.  I'm curious--what were some of the things that you were blindsided by -slash- not expecting when you became real adults?  Also, if you have advice about moving to a new state, I'm all ears.  Later Vader, Allison."

H: I gotta say, the cost of furniture continues to shock me.

J: Oh man.  I remember when I bought my first couch with Sarah because before that I'd only ever purchased couches at garage sales and stuff.  

H: Yeah, yeah, yeah. J: Sarah and I, when we moved to New York, we bought a couch and I was in Jennifer Convertibles to buy this couch and first off, I was like, Sarah, why are we at this fancy furniture store, and she was like, this is literally the cheapest furniture store that I would ever enter, and I was like, okay, and then secondly, I was like, can someone explain to me why this couch is $900?  

 (28:00) to (30:00)

J: Like, I still think, like, $900?  Like--what?  What is it, dude, does it turn into a bed?  Yes, as it happens, it did, but still!   H: [laughs] Does it turn into a car?   J: Yeah.

H: You can get a car! A car! For $900 and cars have like one couch and two chairs inside of them!

J: [laughs] And you can sometimes find a used one that runs for just over $900 so really, it is insane how expensive furniture is. On the other hand, a lot of work goes into making them etc. etc.

H: Yeah. And they're hard to move around. But what I will say is like- what sometimes you don't realize living in your parents' house: it took them decades to collect all the furniture they have. They didn't start out and buy it all at once, they probably had not so much furniture at all and probably, you know, had a bunch that they got at thrift stores or garage sales and then slowly got rid of the crappy things and replaced them with good things.

And it's important to know that not only can't you but you should not suddenly go into $20 000 of credit card debt furnishing a home. And- what else-

J: On that note, Hank, I just want to correct you real quickly and say that you implied that the stuff you get at garage sales isn't good and I would like to say for the record that I still have one of my garage sale couches and it remains in some ways- it is certainly not our most physically attractive couch, but I would argue it is our most comfortable couch.

H: Yeah. Rugs are also something that really shocked me and, like, this is a thing that I step on. I just walk on this all day long. Why is this so expensive?

Why am I gonna-

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J: cause they require so much work to create, that's why they're expensive.

H: Yeah, no.

J: I hear ya.

H: It makes sense, but I'm like, well, no rugs for me for a while.  And setting up wi-fi, you can do it, paying taxes, you can do it, but it's harder than setting up wi-fi. 

J:  I don't know, they're both very hard. I mean, I remember, I have a vivid memory of setting up, we didn't have wi-fi back then, have I ever told the story about when

H: Yes, you have.

J: My roommate came home with wi-fi.

H: Yeah.

J: Are you sure I have?

H: You have, on the podcast

J: are you totally positive? 

H: I'm like 98% sure.

J: I'm gonna tell it again. So, my roommate Shannon came home with a computer with wi-fi, and she was like "look no cords no cables," and anywhere within 50 feet of this machine that I bought that was a wireless router I can get access to the internet, and I said joke's on you Shannon because I have a 100 foot Ethernet cord. 

H: *laughs*

J: I am glad that you laughed at my joke despite having heard it literally 4000 times.

H: It's probably not the third, it's at least not the third.

J: Anyway the joke's on Shannon because I figured out that wireless was a complete scam if you just owned a 100 foot Ethernet cord, and to this day,  I refuse to get computers with wireless.  Just kidding. I was clearly wrong about that.  J: So, it is a pain to set up all that stuff, but you also have to remember, Allison, that you're setting stuff up, and then once it's set up, it works.  H: Well, until it stops working.  What I want Allison to know is that you gotta to figure stuff out.  J: It's stressful.  H: That's what adulthood is.  It's like, I don't know how to do this, well okay, I'll just do it.  I will say, Do not, DO NOT put washing machine, like clothes washing stuff, into the dishwasher - that's a bad idea

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J: What H: or the other way around, don't do it either way, the dishwasher has its stuff and the clothes washer has its stuff and they are not the same, they are NOT the same. And do not put hot oil into a milk jug, is another thing to not do.

J: Thats a good one. I'll give you one that i learned the hard way when I was 23. Sometimes you want to eat a frozen pizza and you put it in the micro- you put it in the oven, at 450 degrees for 18 minutes and then about four minutes after you start cooking the pizza you want to go bowling so you go bowling; and you're a bit of an obsessive bowler so you go bowling by yourself for three and a half hours. When you come home, first off you're gonna be so happy that the whole house didn't burn down but secondly you're gonna have some really annoyed roommates.

H: oh my goodness, OH MY GOD ITS BURNING. It actually was burning John. it happened to you, that thing

J: it was burning, it was, eh not a great decision by me

H: shout out to all the people who are cooking while they listen to Dear hank and John, make sure to set your timer and that is loud enough to get through your earbuds.

H: Alright I got one last question for you John it says Dear Brothers, from RJ. Do power plants produce their own electricity? How is it turned on if it uses its own power? Do other power plants pay to use electricity-- do power plants have to pay to use electricity?? these are the questions i need answer to, i have no use for these answers, RJ I need answers to these questions by which i meant i don't need answers to these questions.

J: Well Hank

H: I think a power plant is just like any other building. Like the power goes out of the power plant, it goes to the place where all the power goes and gets shifted around.

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-then it joins up on the grid and then it comes back.  So yeah you gotta make it so that if you turn off the power plant it still has power somehow. You don't want all the computers and TV's, (TVs because thery're watching sports, I guess) and lights to turn off just because the power plant needs maintenance so yeah you're on the grid just like anybody else and yeah you gotta pay for power even if you're a power plant. Even if you're throwing it off like more than you could ever possibly use, you just tap into the grid just like anybody else.

J: Well that's interesting, I'm glad we learned that. Hank before we get to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon I wanna read one quick correction that came in from Elliot, who had a bunch of issues with the way we talked about the way we know climate change is real. In that... In that discussion Hank we both said that you have to rely on experts and the only way to know as much as a climate scientist does about the climate is to be a climate scientist.

Elliot broadly agreed with this but he also pointed out that the nature of science is for it to be open and available for people to explore and to question and to use the scientific method to come to a better understanding which is an important point. And also he said that it is actually not that complicated to prove that we know that humans are causing the Earth to get hotter. Ah so I'm just going to read his explanation because I thought it was good.

People have put tons of effort into measuring humanity's greenhouse emissions and it lines up reasonably well with similarly large efforts to measure atmospheric carbon world wide. Heres a NASA visualization (which we will put on the Patreon) its a pretty straightforward- pretty straightforward physical models say that this will cause climate change so its hard to see how it wouldn't affect global temperatures and importantly those human emissions are literally the only known factor that remotely explains the rising temperatures that we see. H: *affirmative noise* J: So there you go.

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J: Um, Hank H: Yes, John J: Did anything happen on a cold dead rock millions of miles from earth yesterday.

H: No, well yes , many things happened on Mars yesterday and other cold dead rocks as well has things happen to them. But the thing that I'm gonna talk about is not- did not happen on Mars; it happened on earth. So John, you know that they're working on a new launch system to get heavier bigger stuff farther and faster than ever before and so we've got this engine that's gonna take us (hopefully if all works out as planned and we don't need to start knitting our own shirts) to Mars. And this engine, you may have heard of if John its called the RS-25 and when I say you've heard of it you probably haven't heard it called that, but its just the same engine that they used on the space shuttle.

They had three of them on the main engine of the space shuttle and it burns liquid hydrogen and liquid oxygen to create water and it throws off a tremendous amount of hot gas and that exits very quickly from the nozzle; 13 times the speed of sound so if it kept moving that fast it would go from Los Angeles to New York in about 15 minutes (luckily it doesn't or else that would be a problem) But it basically, its a huge engine, its about the size of like a Honda fit and it has these four extremely fast turbo pumps and its a reliable thing, we've never had significant problems with them. um and we know how they work really well because we've used them for a long time on the space shuttle; and instead of having three of them the space launch system will have four of them and they've actually changed the controller a little bit; The kind of brain tha t operates how the engine works, how much gas is going through it and how the valves and pumps and things are going; changed that a little bit so that it actually produces about 10% more thrust than they did when they were using the space shuttle.

 (38:00) to (40:00)

-and uh we were doing our first tests for that new control system for the SLS ( well maybe not first) but they're doing- they're testing it right now, actively testing the RS-25 engine. and if you want to watch a video of that I'll throw that up on the Patreon as well because that impressive (i love it) they put it in this building, and then the building has to be anchored into the ground super hard (usually the problem you have is that you don't want a building to- like- like your fighting against gravity, but this building has to fight against this engine that's trying to lift it into space so, uh, there is this giant engine that has to channel the gasses as its exiting the engine out. But its just very impressive it runs for an very long time (like about eight minutes) which does not seem like a long time until it is a giant engine that just produces massive amounts of thrust. So working on that, and doing testing of it right now

J: Wow, that sounds pretty exciting actually.

H: Yeah pretty cool thing, yeah rocket science John

J: Well, uh, the news from AFC Wimbledon is not rocket science (as they say). In fact, just moments ago AFC Wimbledon just wrapped up one of their final "Friendlies" before the soccer season officially starts against Scunthorpe on August 5th. So it is the end of our long international nightmare, Hank. Finally, at last we are returning to regular soccer; However we just played Aldershot Town in a pre season Friendly.

Alsershot Town currently playing in the fifth tier of English soccer, so not in the Football Leuge, not a team in the Football League, however we did not lose to them, we also did not beat them,. It was a 1-1 draw and our new goal keeper, McDonal(?~39:54) had a very good game, which on the upside means he might be very good.

 (40:00) to (42:00)

- on the downside, that means that there were a lot of chances for Aldershot Town. uh, so, he made some very good saves and (uhh, mmm) that is the news. We just have to hope that- the preseason has been mixed results i would say and i think that we have to have the ambition and the hope that the betting markets are right. So the betting markets Hank, have AFC Wimbledon finishing 17ish, um, and that would suit my interest just fine because i love sponsoring a third tier english soccer team and it is my ambition to continue sponsoring one until one day they have a brand new stadium and maybe with some luck and some investment can become a second tier English soccer team.

H: I mean that- that- i mean john don't you want them to be a first tier English soccer team though

J: I do, that would be great and certainly all things are possible but there would have to be some kind of collapse in the British economy? that i don't want to root for.

H: Ooh, okay.

J: because right now all the premiere league teams can spend an actual hundred million dollars every summer, so uh it seems pretty far away for AFC Wimbledon to be spending that kind of money but life is full of surprises and certainly who could have guess that they would be promoted six times since being reborn, so anything is possible, so im gonna keep my fingers crossed. But in the meantime were not losing to Aldershot Town. 

H: well since they did so well could you recruit a couple Aldershot Town players maybe so you have some players

J: certainly I don't think that's out of the question. Im watching Jamaca play the United States in the gold cup so the Jamaica keeper was unfortunately injured  and so they had to bring in their backup keeper who is a 30 year old playing in the second tier of Sweden  ad i was watching this second tier Swedish goal keeper and i did think to myself, i do have Neal Ardley's phone number i could text him. H: *laughs* because

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H: I got- yeah- Cause I'm sure nobody else was watching that game.

J: I- well actually it is possible that I was the only person watching that game H&

J: *laugh*

H: I don't know, I have no idea

J: Hank, what did we learn today?

H: Oh, John. We learned Cars have like, a couch and two chairs in them. So why do I have to pay so much for couches and chairs?

J: We also learned that lying to your babysitting clients is sometimes the right thing to do

H: absolutely, 100%. And we learned that you gotta kill all those mosquito's, so if yoy see a mosquito kill the mosquito, do not worry about the ecological consequences and maybe if we all just work together we can get 'em all ( which we definitely cant)

J: Yeah, I was gonna say, I don't think- i mean if we work together as a species increase- dramatically increase funding for anti malarial efforts maybe. But I don't think just by smashing them one at a time probably not. An lastly we learned that Turtles All The Way Down does not have that many actual turtles in it

H: It is a low turtle book John

J: mostly- mostly a metaphor

H: Hey, thanks Kohn for podcasting with me

J: Its my pleasure

H: Thanks people who listened and sent in questions. If you would like to send it questions you can do that at John, you're on twitter at

J: Sometimes H; I'm im twitter at If you like audible and are thinking, maybe I'm gonna get into this audio book game, maybe I do want to check this out, then its a free trial, its a month long and you can go to

J: or dearjohn Dear Hank and john was produced by Rosianna Halse Rojas and Sheridan Gibson. Our editor is Nicholas Jenkins. Victoria Bongiorno is our head of community and communications. Our music is by the great Gunnarolla.

Hank we are now going to go record our extra podcast for Patreon, This Week in Ryans, which you can find out more about at Thanks again for listening and as we say in our hometown.

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H&J: Don't forget to be awesome.