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How do you deal with the dissipation of your future plans? Should I tell my parents I met my boyfriend on Tinder? How do I succeed if I'm not a go-getter? And more!

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 (00:00) to (02:00)

(Intro music)

H: Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John.

D: Or as I prefer to think of it, Dear Dodie and Hank.

H: Hello, Dodie, and this is a comedy podcast about death, where me and my brother John and sometimes guest guests answer your questions, give you dubious advice, and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon but maybe not AFC Wimbledon today.  

D: Sorry about that.  

H: But you're so close.  You could just go by and check.

D: I know, but I still have absolutely no idea--I literally had to Google what it was.  I'm sorry to add to the stereotype (?~0:36) no idea about sport but that's me!  Sorry!

H: Well, I mean, it's not like you have no idea about sports that are like, a big deal in your country.  You probably do, but this is--I don't, to be clear, have any idea about sports that are a big deal in my country, but AFC Wimbledon isn't like, it's not like Manchester United.

D: Yeah, I still wouldn't know anything about that.  Honestly, that's just one of the things I step away from in life.

H: Right.

D: Doesn't have any importance.

H: Right.  Yeah.  It stresses me out too much, if--being involved with sports.  Like, 'cause like, they always lose eventually.  Like, it's just so extremely unlikely that your team is gonna win all the way.

D: Yeah.

H: That like, it's always going to end up in disappointment except for that one time when it doesn't and then next year, it will.  

D: Wow.

H: And that's how it works.  

D: Wow.

H: Unless you're the Yankees and then you win all the time because you have all the money.

D: There are probably a lot of people who are very angry about your pessimistic viewpoint of sport, but honestly, I would agree.

H: Oh no, well, you know, they're not--I hope they're not angry.  I hope that they just have a different opinion.

D: Yeah.

H: And I respect their different opinion.  

D: That would be nice.

H: How are you doing, Dodie?

D: I'm good.  I'm just really busy.  I've just been doing far too much.  I kind of, like, my past self was just very unempathetic and went 'here you go, here's everything, you can have it' and now I'm dying, thanks, me.

H: Well, when you said 'yes' to doing this podcast, like, I said 'never mind, I know how busy you are.

 (02:00) to (04:00)

Let this be the thing that you don't do.'  

D: I know!

H: But you did it anyway.

D: I know!  Because I wanted to and because I enjoy them and also because I was meant to be done with a lot of big things and I was like, ahh, I'll be in my free time, but I see a space in my calendar and I fill it.

H: Right.  You're not--

D: And then I'm like, why, why would I do that?  But I enjoy it.

H: Yeah.

D: So, why not?

H: I know.  I do the same thing and I have taken on too much as well, but the recording of Dear Hank and John is one of the things that I look forward to throughout the week.

D: Yeah.

H: And whenever I see it on my calendar the next day, I'm like, oh!  Thank goodness!  That will be a nice hour of hanging out with either my brother or someone else I like and it doesn't feel like work, which is why I do it.

D: I cannot believe the amount of things that you've done.  It's unbelievable.  I was listening to one of these and you were just listing everything you do and it was just like, what?!  So much.  

H: Well, I mean, I--like, I think you do more than I do.  I just have more help.

D: I don't know!  I don't know!

H: My--my--so maybe this should be like, some like, group therapy time, like, how do you--what do you need to get past this difficult time where your former self has been unempathetic to your current self?  

D: Let's figure it out.

H: What services, what humans would help?  Because like, it's out there and it can be very hard once you're busy to fix your busy-ness, because you're too busy to put any time into fixing it.

D: Yeah!  This is the thing.  Everyone's always like, just say no, and like, it's okay to say no and you need to prioritize your time, and it's like that's all very well, but when I'm in the point when it's happening and I haven't done that, now what?  You just have to keep going.  You just have to go through it, that's it.  All my friends say that, they're like, you can do it!  I'm like, I don't wanna do it.  

H: Yeah, it's not like you can, it's not like you can hire an assistant in the moments when you're working 80 hours a week.  

 (04:00) to (06:00)

D: I have been there.

H: Because hiring an assistant takes time, like--

D: Exactly.

H: You have to, yeah.  But, uh, these are all lovely problems to have.  Do you want to know another lovely problem to have, Dodie?

D: What?

H: Is that when you signed into the podcast questions document where we've got all our questions,

D: Yeah?

H: You weren't logged in, so you're just, instead of a picture of Dodie, it's a picture of a cute little otter.  You're just the anonymous otter, 'cause that's how Google Docs handles it.  It like, assigns you a random animal and you got the best animal of all!

D: Good.

H: Except possibly armadillos.  

D: That'll do.  Yeah, a little--aw, cute.

H: So thank you for being a little otter on this episode of Dear Hank and John.  Do you have a short poem for us?

D: I do!  It's actually the ending of a poem, because I was flicking through my friend Savannah's books, Savannah Brown, she has a poetry book called Grafitti and I found this and it's on a page by itself, and I thought it was just one poem but it's actually the end of it, but I think it's perfect and it sums up what I've been thinking about recently.  Okay, shall I read it?

H: Yes, please.

D: Okay.  
Nothing is too pure to avoid being sliced away slowly by each passing second,
There's a comfort in knowing that there is an end
To each elation and tragedy
There is an end
And I think that is the only thing we can be sure of.

H: Very Dear Hank and John.

D: Right?!

H: Of you.  

D: Thanks, and yes, you can look at it and be terrified by it but I think there's so much to be a comfort in that.  I think it's just really nice.  It's like, I've been thinking a lot about how in--about time, and like, the happy moments.  I just wanna hold on to it because I'm like, no!  I don't want it to end!  But it's also like, appreciate it in the moment, but then also in the terrifying horrible moments, there's an end!  It'll be okay.

H: Indeed.  Indeed.  Well, we now have to move to questions from--have to.  

 (06:00) to (08:00)

Want to!  Must!  Excitedly!

D: Yeah!

H: Move to questions from our listeners.  I don't know, there are so many weird and great and also heartfelt and scary and big ones.  I'm not even sure where to start.  I guess, I guess I'll start with this first one from David, who asks, "Dear Hank and Dodie, I was reminiscing the other day about my youth and I came across a stunning realization.  It's pretty troubling and I wonder if you could shed some light on it.  I could certainly understand why Shawty would wear the apple-bottom jeans and the boots with the fur, especially if she wanted to look nice at the club.  However, why would Shawty wear apple-bottom jeans and the boots with the fur and baggy sweatpants, let alone the Reboks with the straps?  Isn't this overkill?  Who in their right mind would wear two sets of pants and two sets of shoes.  Does Shawty have four legs?  Is Shawty a centaur?  This would explain why the whole club was "looking at her", because centaurs don't frequent nightclubs, but if this is the case, why would she be called Shawty?  Centaurs are usually pretty tall.  Any explanation would be helpful as this has completely shaken my entire worldview.  Sleepless and disturbed, David."  I don't know if you've left any room for us to have a good time.  It seems like you explored the bit pretty fully.  Do you have--

D: Wow.

H: What are you thinkin'?

D: Um, look, maybe they're cold.  Maybe they couldn't decide.  I change up my outfit sometimes, you know?  Keepin' some spare shoes in my bag.  

H: Yeah.  Yeah, maybe she--maybe the jeans got tight and she like, so like, between that first section of the chorus and the second section of the chorus, she goes to the bathroom and changes because the--

D: Yeah!  (?~7:42)

H: The, yeah, she wanted something a little more comfortable and so she changed into the baggy sweatpants and the Reeboks with the straps.  Possibly.

D: What are apple-bottom jeans?  I don't actually--I don't think I ever--

H: Uh, just, yeah, go ahead and Google it.  I don't know if I can tell you without feeling like a dirty man.  

 (08:00) to (10:00)

D: Okay.  What are apple bottom jeans?

H: They're like, jeans that make your butt look like an apple.  

D: Ohhh.

H: And sometimes they actually have an apple on them.  They're just like--

D: Okay, hold up, images, ohhh!  Oh, that's a lot of butts.  That's what I'm looking at currently.  Alright, okay.

H: Interestingly, one of the selections--so you know how when you go on Google Search and there's all the things that are like, extra, you can add this search term to, 'cause like, oh, that wasn't what I was looking for.  One of 'em is 'horse', so maybe horses do wear apple bottom jeans?  No.  

D: Oh my gosh, this is reminding me of--

H: Oh, this is a meme.  

D: There's that question where it's like, um, where would the pant--where would it wear the pants?  Would it wear it like--do you know what I'm talking about?

H: Oh, yeah, I know what you're talking about.  The dog wearing pants, yes.  The--there is a horse meme, apple bottom jeans with the boots with the fur an it is a furry footed horse, and we'll put it on the Patreon for you so everybody can see it.  

D: I have not heard of--where are you looking?  I'm just gonna put in 'apple bottom jeans horse'.

H: I clicked on horse.

D: Oh, there it is.

H: Apple bottom jeans horse, yeah, there you see it.  

D: Wow.

H: That's all.  So my question, so I'm pretty sure that Shawty is not a centaur because she turns around and she gives her big booty a slap at one point in the song and I don't know that a centaur could reach their own butt.  

D: Yeah, yeah.

H: So that, unless, like, just a really long-torsoed, short horse-parted centaur, which now that looks really weird in my head.

D: Okay, this song is gonna mean something very different the next time I listen to it.  Well...

H: Yeah.  

D: David, I do understand your concern.

H: I do like the end image of a centaur getting low.  Like, just sort of like, like, sagging down with the song until it's like, got its knees bent all the way.  

 (10:00) to (12:00)

Is it its front?  Is it both?  Is it all four legs or is it just the back, where its front legs are like, sitting up, like it's sitting like a dog with the butt goin', I don't know, let's not--I feel weird about objectifying this horse woman now.

D: This is just a--a strange image is happening in my head right now.  I'm enjoying it.

H: Good.  Good.  I'm glad I've done that to you.  Ohh, do you wanna ask another question?

D: "Dear Hank and Dodie, The person I had thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with recently decided that they are just not in love with me anymore.  I've mostly been dealing with this by crying, drinking, and re-listening to all of Dear Hank and John.  Any other tips for dealing with heartbreak and despair--dissipation of the majority of your future plans?  From Melissa."  Wow.  Well.  

H: Mm.

D: Yes, I've been thinking about this a lot recently.

H: Wow.  You have?

D: Yeah.

H: I'd have--I have definitely thought about this a lot in my life.  Luckily, I haven't been thinking about it a lot recently.  

D: Yeah.  Yeah.  

H: But yes, when--when there is this thing that you have, like, this is the thing that I'm doing and like, here's the path that I'm on and suddenly it's like, zoonk.  

D: Yeah, yeah.

H: No, you're not.

D: That must be so difficult.  I obviously can't--

H: It's a lot to reconstruct.  

D: Yeah, I can't even imagine because I've been through breakups but there's never really been that sort of, this is it, this is my life, this like, massive plan ahead of me, so I can't imagine what that feels like to have your timeline disrupted, but there is a book that my friends have lent me, a few times, and it's called It's Called a Breakup Because It Is Broken and I think that really kind of helps to like, sum up.  There is a reason for why this has happened and if you can't find it yet, you will find it in time, but all I can say is for now, it sucks.  

 (12:00) to (14:00)

H: Yeah, and as far as moving forward, sometimes it's impossible to, but I, in the past, have tried to do new things and try new things and like, listen to music I wouldn't have listened to before and do things I wouldn't have done before, which kind of gives me the feeling of like, oh, well, there are--there have always been infinite paths ahead of me and there was never just one.

D: Ah, yes.

H: And um, and uh, and now maybe I'm going to find one that is different.  Maybe it's better, maybe it's equally good, maybe it's worse, but it is a path and um, and like, sort of breaking the hold that the old path had on me.  

D: Yeah. 

H: And that's not a--that never--that's not a thing that you can do immediately but it is a thing that comes and that you can, with intention sometimes, speed along a little bit.

D: Yeah, and as soon as you start to sort of get that closure from yourself and start processing process, just you know you'll feel better and God, that's going to be hard to do for a long time.  Ughhh.  

H: Ughhhh.  

D: I'm sorry, Melissa.

H: Write a song about it, too.


H: That's what Dodie does.

D: Heck yeah.  Although, a lot of my friends say, "Oh, it's going to be good for your art," when something hurts and it's--that's not what you need yet.

H: Yeah, yeah.

D: But uh, yes, in time, make things.

H: Um, yeah.  This next question is from Anonymous.  Actually, at the bottom it says, "Anonymous Squirrel," which is interesting because we're here with Anonymous Otter.  "Dear Hank and Dodie,"

D: And then we get the centaur.

H: "I've been dating--"  But no, centaur is completely nonymous.  Everyone knows.  She's got a whole song about her.  "I've been dating my boyfriend for over three years.  We're very happy."  I feel like, bad answering this question after the last one.

D: Yes.  Sorry, Melissa.

H: "We're very happy"--sorry--"and my family members now regard him as part of our family.  I'd never told my family that he and I met on Tinder.  Frankly, I wasn't even sure if they knew what Tinder was.

 (14:00) to (16:00)

Well, recently, they've been making jokes about how they think Tinder is gross and creepy.  I've just sat there awkwardly when they say such things.  Do I have an obligation to tell them how we met?  Part of me feels like I'm keeping a secret from them, but another part of me feels like it's necessary for them to know, especially if the--" Oh, "but another part of me feels like it isn't necessary for them to know, especially if they have already formed a negative impression of the app.  Do you think I should tell them, and if so, how?  Momento Mori, Anonymous Squirrel."  I'm glad you're so anonymous, 'cause otherwise, I don't know, does your family listen to the pod?

D: Yeah.

H: And then they would know.  

D: Uh-oh.

H: This is certainly not a situation other people have ever been in.

D: Well, that might not be a bad idea.  Just get them to listen to whatever we're about to say, which is uh...uh...

H: I don't think you have an obligation to tell them.

D: Yeah.

H: And I think that, I think making fun of Tinder is a fun thing.  I think saying it's creepy is another thing, because it's basically saying that like, people are put off by the idea of people looking for relationships in a certain way or looking for certain kinds of relationships, and that's a thing that we do, but it's a little bit discouraging that it's something that your family might do, but Tinder is a perfectly legitimate way to meet someone and if you like them, continue to date them, like--

D: Yeah.

H: It's not just, yeah, it's--it's--yeah.  It--and, you know, like, it's easy to have a bad view of Tinder if you don't know very much about it, just like, for the first two years that I was using Snapchat, everybody was like, who are you sending nudes to?  And I'm like aaghh, God, that's getting old!  

D: Yeah.  

H: Um, yeah.

D: Um, yeah, I definitely agree.

H: Do--you--yeah, this sort of immediate reaction.

D: Yeah, I agree that there's no obligation to do whatever, I mean, the fact is that you're very happy and everything's all great, but uh, I don't really know.

H: Yeah, yeah.  Just, yeah.  

 (16:00) to (18:00)

I--eventually someday, somebody will be like, how did you meet?  And you just say, oh, uh, internet dating app.  

D: Yeah.

H: Internet dating service. 

D: Yeah, you can twist it.  You don't need to say the name.

H: And like, yeah.  Or, or, you will eventually come to embrace it and be like, Tinder.  I thought we were just gonna maybe smooch a little bit and it turned out that we fell in love.  Or maybe I was there for love and I found it, I don't know, I haven't used Tinder.  I don't know what it's like.  I'm old and I've been married for decades.  

D: I haven't used Tinder in a while.  Did I?  No.  I don't know!  I guess you can find love.  Okay, alright, moving on.

H: Oh, ma--it's--I definitely, like, I--so I have several friends who are single and have internet audiences and it can be a little weird to use dating services that put your face on there.  

D: Yeah, I've noticed that.

H: 'Cause you never know when people are gonna be like, ooh, swipe, that person--I know that person from YouTube.

D: Yeah.  There's this other app for "influencers", but you have to get a reference for it, and it's--

H: WHAT?!  WHAT?  There's an app for dating internet people??  

D: Yeah, all like, influencers.  I think it's for like, people with, I dunno, people who have recognizable faces.

H: Noooooo.  You're freaking joking with me right now.  There aren't enough people--I mean, I guess I live in a small town.  I know all the people who have internet presences in my town.  It's like, me, people that I work directly with, and this one guy who has a farm blog.  

D: Yeah.  I mean, I guess it's for like (?~17:35)

H: But I guess in London...

D: Yeah, yeah.  I dunno.  But it's just very funny like, to see all of my friends going uhh, does anyone have a reference for this app?

H: My goodness.

D: And it's all just like, uh, I'm lonely and single. 

H: Lonely and--

D: Ahh, but really, if anyone listening has a reference for the (?~17:53) app, do let me know.

H: I feel like you can get one.  Oh my God.  Lonely and internet famous.

 (18:00) to (20:00)

D: Oh yeah.  

H: Oh God.  Weird, weird world that we're in.

D: Yeah, that's quite like, uh, what's it--just uh, funny, that's a funny thing.  That like, the contrast, the juxtaposition.  

H: Yes.

D: Hey, I'm so popular and not at all, please help.

H: I'm so popular I can't get a reference for the internet dating app for people who--oh man.  That's really--oh God, there's an app for everything, I guess.  

D: "Dear Brothers of Green," I'm not a brother of Green, but I hope I can help.  "I have trouble keeping conversations going and recently, I have tried to be better than just letting a conversation (?~18:40) off and we both look at our phones.  Do you have any trusty conversation starters you could lend to a novice like me?  Panic and anxiety, Mary."  OOH!  Yes.  

H: How do you talk to people, Dodie?

D: Wow, well.  Firstly, put your phone away.  I've noticed like, whenever--sometimes I talk to friends, phone lights up, and immediately, like, it's like, oh, you're not listening, so if that happens, turn your phone over or put it in your bag.  Um, okay, let me see.  Trusty conversation starters.  Ah.  I have a friend called Tom Rosenthal and he's great at these.  You just have to be wacky.  Here, let me see, or my friend Sammy!  Okay, my friendship group has a great way to start a conversation.  Just play 'Would You Rather?' but make it really weird.  Okay, here's one, here's one for you.  Hank, would you rather--would you rather have a hand that is made entirely of delicious ham and you can eat from it, it doesn't hurt you, it's just never-ending and it's just wonderful or would you rather have an armpit that excretes sun cream and you use it whenever you need it?  

 (20:00) to (22:00)

H: I mean, you talk about these things as if they're both pluses, like, would you rather always have a delicious ham hand or always have a ready supply of sunscreen, but I'm imagining it like, well, first of all, I don't wanna not have a hand, like, I need both of them, and secondly, I also don't want to have sunscreen--

D: You wouldn't believe how--this is such a dividing question, honestly.

H: I wouldn't believe my life.  

D: Like, the amount of people--


D: Yeah, genuinely!  Some people are like, well, obviously, this one, and then it's like completely different from what you would think it would be!  This is--there you go, here's your conversation starter, you're welcome.

H: Okay, is my ham hand--is my ham hand a functioning hand?

D: No.

H: Like, or is it just a bunch of ham?  

D: It's just--you would have all of the complications that would come with having a hand--a ham hand.  

H: Right, so it doesn't have like muscles in it?  It's not like, so yeah, I wouldn't lose use of my hand just so I could have ham all the time!

D: But you could solve world hunger!  You'd never be--you'd never be hungry again.  You'd never have to pay for food.

H: Wait, could I--wait, Dodie, did you say, could I solve world hunger with my ham hand?

D: Maybe!

H: Like, is it that infinite?  Could I just like, keep chopping and like, there would always be more ham?

D: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

H: Okay, well, if it grows ham at like an infinite rate and I can actually feed the world with it, then maybe, but otherwise, I'd have to go with sunscreen, but I wouldn't like that either.

D: Can we just note how long--

H: But these are very good.  You've started a very good conversation.

D: Yeah, how long have we been chatting?  It's been a while.  There you go.  Ham hands or sunscreen armpits.

H: I mean, I have--so, at my age, you end up with several distinct friend groups, you know, you've got my friends from high school and my friends from college and my friends from work and my friends from internet and friends from other--so I have a friend group that has been having a, like, I don't know, five, six year long conversation about whether they would rather eat chocolate flavored poop or poop flavored chocolate.  

 (22:00) to (24:00)

D: Oh my God.  Oh--

H: And like, whenever I see them, they're like, okay, new modification to the chocolate flavored poop question, and like, I know that we've all got our positions, but what if we added an additional condition, and like, years have gone by and it has not been settled.

D: Wow.  Wow.  Well, there you go!

H: Would you rather have chocolate flavored poop or poop flavored chocolate? 

D: No, don't ask me that!  I don't know!  Ohh, goodness.  Okay, let me think.  Um, oh God, it would have to be poop flavored chocolate.  It's like when you eat those jellybeans that are different flavors.  Would you rather have a vomit flavored jellybean or jellybean flavored vomit?  I don't eat vomit!  Oh no!  

H: Yep.  We come in on different sides of this.  I would rather eat chocolate-flavored poop, 'cause how would I even know the difference?  There are so many different textures of chocolate.

D: I think it would just be knowing.  It would be knowing that that's what's happening that would mess me up.

H: You know, I kind of feel the same way about black sausage, that stuff you have in the UK.

D: Ugh.  That's why I don't eat it.

H: Like, blood sausage.

D: I literally cannot eat that stuff.

H: Yeah--

D: Black pudding, yeah, no, I leave it out.

H: Like, I will eat it and I'll be like, this is so delicious and I don't like it.

D: It's.  Just.  Blood.

H: I just can't do it.

D: No.  See, even, I had eggs this morning and like, halfway through them, I was like, oh no, I don't want to think about what I'm eating.  Oh no.  

H: Oh yeah.  I don't have a problem with eggs.  They're not like, they're not like a baby animal, they're just all the--I don't know.

D: I just, no, of course.  No, but I think it's just the fact that it grows inside...

H: Don't give me--don't tell me reasons to be upset with eggs, because I love eggs.

D: No, no, I know, I just block it out.

H: And if you make me weird about them, then I will freak out and have a less good life.  

D: I somehow have the ability to block that out.  Well, there you go, talk about poop flavored chocolate--

H: But yeah, it's good to have--yeah, it's good to have things like this in your pocket. 

 (24:00) to (26:00)

Another thing you can do, and this is totally sanctioned, as long as your friends don't listen to Dear Hank & John, take one of the questions from Dear Hank & John and say, like, make it a hypothetical or...

D: "Hey, my friend has been lonely"

H: Or make it into like, something that your friend is going through or like, and be like, hypothetically, what would you do if, and then take this next question that I'm about to ask about burritos, because I thought it was amazing.  It's from Logan, who asks, "Dear Hank and Dodie, I am 12.  I am composing a menu for my burrito bike.  This is where I will go around town on a bike that has a cooler on the back and in the cooler will be burritos.  I am currently trying to come up with a menu.  What is the style of burritos that you like?  Example: what do you like on them?  What type of shell?  What type of sauce?  What type of meat?  Et cetera.  Don't forget to be awesome, Logan."  

D: Wow, Logan.

H: So now everybody at the table is like, okay, we gotta help out this 12 year old kid, hypothetical 12 year old kid Logan who is starting up his burrito bike business, which I love.  

D: Yeah, what a cool question!

H: I wish there was a burrito bike in my town!

D: Oh my gosh, I would totally, totally get that!  That's amazing.  

H: So I do have a couple of questions for Logan.  One is, is the burrito cold or warm?  

D: Yes.

H: Like is the cooler to keep them cold or is it to keep them warm?

D: That was my main concern.

H: 'Cause a cooler can't keep burritos warm, but like, I'm not totally opposed to cold burritos.

D: I'm not even opposed to lukewarm burritos, honestly.  

H: Right, yeah.  I mean, I'm a little opposed because I want to know that they're at the temperature that they're supposed to be at, and they haven't just been sitting there for a day.

D: Ah, yes.

H: 'Cause I'm--it's like, pro-tip, Logan, not everybody's gonna trust you because you're 12.

D: Yeah, yeah.

H: And that's no fault of your own, but like, you gotta like, you just haven't, you don't know all of the things that everybody knows and--

D: Even buying cupcakes from like--

H: So people are gonna be a little skeptical.

D: Yeah, from like, bake sales is a bit, okay, well, thanks!

H: Yeah, don't know, did you wash your hands, little buddy?  

 (26:00) to (28:00)

Dirty, dirty little baker man.  

D: Sorry, Logan.

H: I mean, I feel like maybe going simple is the way to go, and just doing like, like, have it say like, "Bean and Cheese Burritos" and there's a certain simplicity to that and also like, I don't necessarily, like, there's not, when I like, a really good burrito's gonna have some hot ingredients but the, like, but like, re-microwaving a burrito, 1) you're gonna get it a little bit soggy, 2) then you're, like, the salsa and the guacamole is hot and I kinda like for those ingredients to be at their, like, not su--like, salsa shouldn't necessarily be hot.

D: Yeah, I agree.

H: So, uh, the uh, yeah.  So if it's gonna be reheated, you gotta take that into account, and then also, I'm thinking maybe like, vegetarian just because there's a little less chance of food poisoning.

D: Yeah.

H: For your burrito bike.  But I love your entrepreneurial go-getter attitude, Logan.

D: I miss being an age where these things all seem so possible and like, why doesn't everyone do this?  This is gonna be my life now.  I'm going to be a burrito biking guy.

H: Yeah.  Well, yeah, I mean, what if there was just an army of burrito children who were all over your town at any time, and you could just push a button on your app and they'd be there in like, three minutes?

D: Pretty sure that's called like, UberEats.  

H: So you're saying Uber but for food, Hank.  I think there might be a thing that's called Uber but for food.

D: Also they might be 12!

H: I like the idea of them being 12 a little bit and I like the idea of like, eliminating the choice from it, so instead of being like, I have to like, pick what restaurant I'm going to get food from, it's just like, like, there's one choice.  Deliver to me a 400 calorie bean and cheese burrito with some sauce on it that's not gonna be great but it's not gonna be bad but it's gonna be here very fast and it's gonna be delivered by a child named Logan who's helping to pay for his class trip to Louisiana.

 (28:00) to (30:00)

D: I love this idea.  Let's write a movie about it -slash- make it happen.  

H: I like making a movie about it better.  

D: Yeah.

H: Once upon a time, and this was when I was--after I had graduated from college, I thought, "Why don't I start a thing?" cause I lived in Orlando, Florida where there's lots of traffic and the stoplights at like, um, at like, areas where there's like highway interchanges, the stoplights can be three or four minutes long.  It's crazy, like, you just sit there.  I was like, why don't I just like, set up shop at one of those and sell people sandwiches and Cokes?

D: That's a great idea!  That is a good idea!  

H: I'm pretty sure they--it's illegal, one, but in a second, like, it's also kind of feels like the kind of thing that somebody who doesn't have a biochemistry degree would do with their time.  I don't necessarily know that it would be like a super lucrative enterprise, but maybe?

D: You are allowed to do whatever you like in life. Also, I'd be worried--

H: Just be like, ding ding, ding ding, Cokes and sandwiches, ding ding, and people just stop to be like, oh, that'd be nice, I won't have to stop on the way home, I could get home faster and I could have a Coke or a coffee and boom.

D: What if you got run over?

H: But instead, I became an internet personality.

D: Yeah, sure, why not?  But you could always turn it around.  You never know.

H: It's true, that idea is still there.

D: It's never too late.  Exactly.  Okay, let's see, this question comes from Clara, "Dear Hank and Dodie, Yesterday, I hit a fly in my room because it was noisy and I wanted to sleep.  When I was a small child and afraid of flies, my parents told me that all flies were my friends and called Anton.  Anton is not moving anymore and I'm assuming he's dead.  I feel bad about it, but I also need sleep.  Am I a monster?  Should I at least give him a proper burial?  Do I have to inform the other Antons? 

 (30:00) to (32:00)

Any dubious advice would be appreciated.  Clara."  

H: Oh.  

D: RIP Anton.

H: Dodie also is strategically avoiding all of the Latin sign-offs that people are adding.

D: Oh yeah.  I can't read that.  Like I said, not knowledgeable, no idea, cannot read that. Mors tua, vita mea?

H: I mean, I just have to Google them.  Everybody is being very, uh, yeah.  I think that means 'your death, my life'.   

D: Oh, wow!

H: Which is like, something maybe soldiers say to each other on the battlefield and I don't know if she's talking to Anton or to us, 'cause hopefully to Anton.  

D: Probably to Anton.

H: It's a little upsetting to think maybe us.  Do you ever feel abnormal amounts of empathy for things that you normally wouldn't, like, just the situation, like, like, usually--

D: This is such a conflicting question!  I mean, I am--yes.  Yes.  Like, for example, Sammy who we were talking about earlier has this funny trick where he'll say, look, there's a little rabbit on my hand, there's a little rabbit, look at him, and then obviously, my brain goes, there's a rabbit on Sammy's hand and feels immediately empathy towards this tiny little imaginary creature, and then he'll like pretend to throw it on the floor or something or describe his horrible death and it's like, no!  No!  So, yeah.  Yes, indeed.

H: That's awful.  Why is that so upsetting?

D: I know, right?!

H: That's fascinating, like, why play this game with your friends?

D: But the thing is--

H: Why play this game and make a sadness occur?

D: I usually don't feel any empathy towards flies or bugs, especially spiders, my goodness, you never know what, like, you'll never want to know what I've done to spiders, but the moment you name it, like, if I call every fly Anton, I agree, I'd have to give them all burials and sign off in Latin with meaningful quotes.

H: Yeah, n--I believe we've had a question on Dear Hank and John before about like, uh, about bee murder, and so it's not even new ground we're treading here.  I feel like we still have to explore it though because it's a strange thing.

 (32:00) to (34:00)

I occasionally, this is almost upsettingly dumb, I occasionally will like, be walking down the street and I'll kick a rock and then I'll kick the rock again and then I'll kick the rock like a fourth time, and I'll be like, well now I'm kicking the rock.  Now this is a thing I'm doing.

D: Yes.

H: And like, I'll, and then I'll like, accidentally kick it into the grass and then I'll be like, oh, now I have to find the rock and so I like, look for the rock and I get the rock and like, to be clear, there's a thousand other rocks around.  Every--identical to the one that--but I find the one that was my rock and I put it back in the street and I start kicking it and then I arrive at home and I'm like, well, now I have a rock.  

D: What do I do?  Do I take it in?  Do I continue to kick?

H: This is--this is--yeah!  This is now my rock.  Like, I now have an emotional connection with this rock and I'm like, like, literally have several of these rocks in a flower planter in the back of my house.

D: Oh, wow, oh you definitely have gone a step further than me.

H: Where like, well, I can't just get rid of you!  I'm connected to this--like, I had a whole--like, and now, I'm not anymore, like, I could throw them away now, but like, at the moment, I can't just like, leave it in the road!  

D: This is honestly heartwarming.  I think I might shed a tear.  Ohh, you have like, gone up several levels in my mind.  That is just the most adorable thing I've ever heard.  

H: Okay, I'm glad that--to some, I'm sure I've gone done and to others, I've gone up, but as for Anton--

D: Oh, yes, back to the--

H: Anton was gonna die in one way or another and you needed your sleep, Clara.

D: How long do flies live?  I'm gonna Google this.

H: Uh, longer than you'd think, actually, yeah.

D: Oh really?  'How long do flies live?'  28 days!

H: I think they live like a month?  Yeah.

D: There's like a picture of it and I hate it.  Ugh, gross, gross, ugh.

H: Uh, 28 days, that's quite a long time.  

 (34:00) to (36:00)

D: Is it?

H: For a bug.  

D: It's alright.

H: I wonder what the longest, like, longest bug life, internet, how long can a bug live?  There is at least one species of long-horned beetle that beats out the cicada with its ability to survive in larval form in deadwood for 35-50 years.  

D: Whoa.  Whoa!  

H: Whaa.  

D: Whoa!

H: Aaaaa--

D: We learned something new.  That's horrible.

H: That's a bug that lives as long a--wooooow!  That's--I--this is good stuff.

D: You can have him as a friend!  As a pet!  

H: Oh, but--oh, there's more!   There's, whoa, okay, oh my goodness.

D: Can I just point out, like, the moment anyone talks about bugs, I feel like my entire skin is crawling with everything.  Like a hair keeps brushing my shoulder and I'm like ughh, no.  Don't want it, no.

H: I'm itching my elbow right now, yeah.  

D: Is it--are you just having fun researching?

H: Some--okay, I'm just reading on this page that in fact, there are some termite queens that live longer than 60 years.  

D: That's--ugh.

H: What was that little noise, Dodie, are you okay?

D: I don't like this conversation at all.  I hate it!  

H: Okay, let's move on.  Let's move on to another question that's not about bugs.  

D: Alright.

H: Make sure--makin' sure this one isn't about bugs.  Okay, this one isn't about bugs.  This one's good.  I think this is interesting and I think that we might be good people to talk about it.  

D: Okay.

H: This one's from Manny, who asks, "Dear Hank and Dodie.  I need some help living as a human as I think I've missed out on some crucial instructive material.  Unfortunately, I'm going to graduate from uni soon and I'm not a go-getter."  Not like Logan, selling burritos on the street.  "How do I succeed in life as a non go-getter?  There are classmates of mine who are go-getters and it is clear they are going to be successful.  Hank is a go-getter and I understand that this is the ideal way to live life."  

 (36:00) to (38:00)

I'm air-quoting now.  This is just what this person is saying.  "I'm not confident and self-assured enough to put myself out there and hunt opportunities down, but this is what I need to do or I can't be a satisfactory people.  I am scared.  I think my question is, can I change my ways?  Is there a manual I can read on how to put myself out there and hunt down opportunities," and sell burritos on the street.  "I don't know if I can be an artist if I continue to only do things people say I should do.  Are there any careers that don't require go-getting for success?  Any dubious advice would be appreciated.  Scared and confused and memento-ing mori, Manny."  

D: I have so much to say about this!  

H: I thought you might.  I also--I wanna start out by saying I totally, like, the thing that you talk about there in the middle, Manny, where you just have done the things that other people have told you to thus far in life, that was 100% me like--

D: Hank, that is everyone.

H: Until like, my 30s.

D: That is everyone.

H: Yeah.

D: Everyone is lazy.  No one is a go-getter naturally.  I assure you.  If they are, then they're lying.

H: Except for Logan and his burritos.

D: Oh, yes, of course.  Oh yeah, Logan's like livin' life.  Yeah, like, pretty much--I don't--honestly, I think everyone secretly thinks that they're lazy.  Isn't there like a name for that?  What is that?  It's like, oh, impostor syndrome.

H: Oh, there's like impostor syndrome, yeah.

D: Yeah.  Yeah.  It's like, ohh, when's everyone gonna find out that I'm secretly the laziest, most incompetent person ever and--

H: Yeah.  Yeah, yeah, I literally have employees whose job it is to tell me to do things.  To, like, make me do stuff.  

D: Yeah.

H: And without them, like, I wouldn't.  I wouldn't, and like--

D: Would you define yourself as a go-getter?

H: My secret--yeah, I would, at this point.

D: Yeah, I would now, yeah.

H: I would, but like, that took me a while and it took like, a kind of insecurity to make me do it.

 (38:00) to (40:00)

Not--I wasn't a go-getter because I was naturally a go-getter.  I think maybe very much like Manny, I was a go-getter because I was afraid that like, otherwise I wouldn't be satisfactory people, as Manny puts it.

D: Mm, yeah.  

H: And uh, but like, you will be satisfactory people without being a go-getter.  The like, to me, what it like, much more important and I know that I say this from a place of having had a lot of success that like, visible success and less visible failures that no one really knows about, it's not so much about the success, it's about the success that--it's about the confidence that success gives you or the confidence that like, like, people knowing and saying good things about you and for example, saying that I'm a go-getter here, and like, that is not the only way to get that confidence and finding that security in yourself is really what it's about, and of course, the first step is to find security in like, life and food and shelter and healthcare and all that stuff, but beyond that, finding security in who--and like, simultaneously, with that stuff, finding security in who you are does not require you to, like, to like, be Steve Jobs.

D: Yeah.

H: And, and if you are thinking that uh, that in order to feel valuable and feel confident that you have to like, match up with some imagined future-you or some hero that you have, which is what I did for many years, then what you find is that you never--you of course never get there, because there's always somebody who's more amazing than you are, like, especially inside of your own mind, because that's what your mind is trying to do.

 (40:00) to (42:00)

It's trying to find, like it's just trying to find reasons that you're not as valuable as you think, as you are.  

D: Yeah, that is true.

H: I don't know why, but that is a thing that brains do.

D: Yeah.  Yeah, you said a lot there.  That's so true.  Like, I am definitely guilty of comparison and the moment, like, I was naturally lazy.  I was definitely like, I am not a go-getter, I am someone who cannot like, get up and do anything, but I did little things and then I got praise from it.  People would go, 'wow, I can't believe you're doing that, wow, you're working so hard,' and then my brain went, 'oh, maybe i'm not lazy' and the moment I had that thought, I wanted to do more and then I defined myself as a go-getter even though there's like this deep like, knowing that I'm actually, you know, that kind of person, but I think you can, like you said, you can find that in other ways.  

H: Yeah, yeah, and a lot, like, a lot of the ways that I've, that like, I think that I found it and most people find it is that they like, sign up--they get signed up or they sign up for responsibilities where people require them to do things and they do those things.

D: Yeah.  Little things.  Little steps.

H: Whether that's taking care of a child or whether that's--little things and big things.  Whether that's doing the job that you have been hired to do or helping a friend that you, you know, care about and are loyal to, like, all these things are, like, the opportunity to say like, I have a responsibility, like, to create the responsibility, and that's what gets you out of bed.  Nothing, like, it doesn't like, just, like, being--then there are people like this, I think that they are in the minority, but there are people who just like, get up and go and like, it's all about to them like, doing like, get--having the most productive day possible because that's the thing that they love, but for the rest of us, it's about signing up for responsibilities and having to fulfill those responsibilities.

D: Yeah.  Yeah.  

 (42:00) to (44:00)

I think--

H: Which is, which now is like, Dodie and I have both made the mistake of signing up for too many responsibilities because we were trying to motivate ourselves to do stuff--

D: Bringing it back around!

H: And now we--now we have to undo it.  We have to undo the stuff.

D: Yeah.  Yeah.  Too much faith in ourselves.  In myself.  

H: This podcast, Dodie, it's time for our sponsors, is brought to you by getting out of bed in the morning.  Getting out of bed in the morning: you don't do it 'cause you want to.  

D: This podcast was brought to you by Sally's rabbit.  Rest in piece, all of the imaginary rabbits who are dead and also to all of the Antons.

H: All of the Antons.  This podcast is additionally brought to you by ham hands.  Your hands are now made of hams and they will solve world hunger!  

D: Slice 'em up, send 'em 'round!  This podcast was also brought to you by apple bottom jeans, which apparently makes your butt look like an apple.

H: I think you have to have a certain bottom to pull, like, I don't think that I could have a bottom that looked like an apple, Dodie.

D: Hank, everyone can have an apple-bottom jean.  Apple-bottom if they want, by wearing apple-bottom jeans, I don't know!  Trying to be uplifting.

H: Thank you.  I am not ashamed of my butt at all.  I think I have a fine butt.  Let's do like, a, like, one or two more questions before we get to the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon, if that's okay with you?

D: Sure!

H: This question is from Mary, who asks, "Dear Hank and Dodie, but mostly Hank, You recently said on the pod that there are nine missions on Mars right now, which got me thinking: do any of the rovers or orbiters ever catch one another?  Like, do we ever get an image back from an orbiter in which a rover is like, randomly photobombing in the corner?"


H: "Do they ever bump into each other?  While I recognize I am completely anthropomorphizing the robots crawling around on Mars, it's something that I need to know desperately, please help!  May the force be with you, Mary."  

D: Wow.  

H: Kind of.  It definitely happens where, and not unintentionally, but an orbiter will take a picture of a rover, and sometimes it just sort of happens to happen, and other times they're like, we want to take a picture and see where it's at, and see if we can also like, take a picture of where its parachute landed and stuff like that, but they are far enough away from each other that they are not gonna run into each other on the surface, yet though the Mars 2020 mission--sorry, I'm Bogarting this question, Dodie, I know that you wanna tell us all about Mars--the Mars 2020 mission will have a thing where it collects samples and then the idea is that a future mission will land near there and then go visit it and then pick up those samples and then shoot them back to Earth.

 (44:00) to (46:00)

D: Oh my gosh.

H: Potentially, or it will be visited by an actual human being who will collect those samples, so uh--

D: They're giving each other presents!

H: It has never happened but it could.  

D: They're all little friends.  

H: Yeah.  It'd be really nice if like, they were not all alone for like, forever.

D: Hank!  Stop it!  Don't do this!  I'll start feeling empathy towards the--oh, no, here we go.  They're just like the rabbits.

H: Yeah, it's--I mean, it's funny 'cause like, the 2020 rover will literally be like, picking up rocks and holding on to them, but not for any definite reason.  Like, maybe someday we'll be able to pick up those rocks, but like, mostly it's just like, I just thought, like, I liked this one and I spent a lot of time with it, so I decided to keep it.

D: It's like you!  Oh my gosh.  They're you!

H: Just like me.  Just like--it's me.  Mr. Rover Man.  Yeah.  Mars.  And that's--there's a little bit to do with that that I'm going to talk about in today's Mars news, but before we get to that, one more question, Dodie.  We had so many good ones this week, and we got to a lot.  This was a really good questions per episode rate for our--for Dear Hank and John.  I feel like last time, we got to like three.

D: So our last question comes from Tessa.  "Dear Hank and Dodie, On Hank's Snapchat today, he posted a video of a movement-activated sink that kept being activated without their being anyone doing so.  Hank then made a joke about it being a ghost with dirty hands.  Bad jokes aside, this got me thinking: Would a ghost theoretically be able to activate things with movement sensors, like some sinks or those lights that turn on when someone enters the room, or would they not recognize the ghost since he/she/they is not technically made out of mass?

 (46:00) to (48:00)

How do movement sensors work?  Do they apply to ghosts or are they creatures made out of mass only?  Memento mori, Tessa."  Whoa, also, where was that sink?  What?!

H: It was in an airport.  I was in an airport and it was just like, it didn't like, it wasn't on all the time, it would just be like, off and then it would be like, pshhhhhh.  

D: Ohhh.

H: Pshhhhhh.  And I was like, what's happening?  Like, what--it's okay if you're like, on and you're broken and you're just on, but if you're on and off and on and off and nobody's standing there, like, definitely a airport ghost.

D: Tessa!  That wasn't a bad joke!  That was funny.  I love that!  That's great.  

H: Thanks.  Thank you, Dodie.  The--so, first of all, I don't know that Tessa, I don't know that I like that Tessa is just assuming that ghosts have no mass.  I, like, maybe they do!

D: Oh gosh.

H: Maybe they, maybe they interact--they seem to interact with light, some, like, the--for the most part, stuff that interacts with light or can interact with anything has mass itself, so it seems like ghosts would have mass unless there's some kind of non-neutonian--like, non-Einsteinian, non-like, standard model physics happening here, but I do know how, uh, how the sensors work and so it would depend on the kind of ghost it was.  If it was a hot ghost, then it would work, so like, I don't, like, so there's different categories of ghosts.

 (48:00) to (50:00)

There's hot ghosts, which are like, when they're in the room, like, they'll touch you and it'll be like, eughh, that was a weird hot ghost hand.

D: Hot ghost is the name of my next album.

H: And then there's cold ghosts, which like, they give you cold feelings and then there's wet ghosts, which will make you wet and then there's like sand ghosts and they just like, leave sand around, and then there's uh, there's just air ghosts that are just sort of like, collected air, and there's pure water ghosts, which are made out of, they're only underwater and they're just like more dense water, and then there's fly ghosts which are made out of a bunch of flies.

D: Oh yeah.  (?~48:43)

H: And um, so but, so it depends on the kind of ghost they are!  If they're a fly ghost, definitely, like, gonna activate that sink, but those motion-activated sinks are actually not motivated activated, they're heat activated, so it would have to be a hot ghost to turn it on.

D: Oh wow.  Is that why sometimes they don't work, 'cause my hands are cold?  That's crazy.

H: Maybe, maybe it's because your hands are cold.  I never thought about that, but I'm always like, come on, do the thing!  Like, moving my hands around, even though it's not about the movement, it's about the heat, so you actually want to keep it in front of there, but I feel like if your hands are like, room-temperature, it's not gonna turn on.

D: There you go.  There you go.  

H: And like, if you just happen to be a cold person, what a disaster.

D: I love the term 'hot ghosts'.  That is so great.  Hot ghosts.  Hot ghosts.

H: You don't like 'fly ghost'?

D: No, absolutely not.  Again, now my entire skin is crawling.  No.  Moving away from bugs.

H: There's actually, there's two kinds of hot ghosts.  There's the ghosts that are warm and then there's the ghosts that are just very attractive.  

D: Ahh, there you go.  Ehh.  Ehhh.  Ohhh.  

H: Aaaaaah.

D: Bad jokes aside.

H: Aaaaah.

D: Ahhahah.  

H: Oh man.  I just typed in 'AFC Wimbledon' to Google News 'cause I know you didn't bring any, so.

D: Yeah.

H: Let's see.  One hour ago, we got some news about former AFC Wimbledon and South End man joins his good friend at Leatherhead, so that happened at some point in the history of AFC Wimbledon.

 (50:00) to (52:00)

D: Whatever that means!  I wonder if I could try and--

H: Have you ever noticed that like, the towns in your country are--have weird names?  

D: Excuse me, what do you mean?  Oh, Leatherhead.  Oh, yeah, okay.

H: I don't know, I guess towns everywhere have weird names.  Uh, just all--when I was in London most recently, I was looking at the Subway stops.  So I was on the Tube and I was looking at the stops, the Tube stops, I guess, and, and all of the names of the places where it was like, stopped, it was like a weird feeling of, like, nostalgia, because they, all the--I'd never heard of any of the places, but they all seemed like such English words, and I live in a place where we speak English but a lot of the places are named out of--after things that are not in English, like they're named after Spanish things or French things or Native American words, and uh, like 'Montana' obviously is not an English word, it's a Spanish word.

D: Wow.

H: 'Florida', the other state that I'm from, is a Spanish word.  'Missoula', the city where I'm from, is a Native American word.  So, but like, this weird like, connection to like, oh, these places were named by people who have been like, living here, living here from here, like, not like came and conquered and like, took over this area and like, got rid of the people who were living here but living here and all the places like, like a weirdly like, just the names of the places made that more clear to me, and I just wanted to say that.

D: Good.  I'm pleased.  I always forget.  That's the number one thing American people always talk about when they come over here, they're like, it's so old!  It's so cool!  And I forget.  I'm just so used to, you know, seeing a building that's like 500 years old, yeah, so.

H: Yeah, sure.  

 (52:00) to (54:00)

Well, in Mars news...

D: Oh, yes, do that one now.

H: So you guys know that, 'you guys', you, you, Europeans, I'm still calling you Europeans in England.

D: Sure.  

H: For the time being, at least.  You had a Mars craft that was headed to Mars and earlier, like, last year in 2016, in October, it got to Mars and then it just crashed into the surface of Mars.  

D: Oh.

H: Sad, sad face.  

D: Oh no.

H: So the report of what happened has been concluded and here's what happened:  So when, so these crafts have on them a bunch of, just like in your phone has a bunch of accelerometers that will tell you like, what direction your phone is facing, so if you turn it sideways, it's like, oh, I know that I'm sideways now and I have to take a sideways picture, and they also can kind of tell how fast they're moving?  Well, space probes obviously have those as well so they can tell how fast they're moving, how fast they're spinning, whether they've stopped or whether they're still moving, and what happened was a bunch of those instruments got overloaded when--I think the craft is called the Schiaparelli, I don't know exactly how to pronounce that, but the Schiaparelli, at a crucial moment for not very long, for like, less than a second, it spun very fast before it corrected itself, and in that moment when it was spinning very quickly as it entered the Martian atmosphere, because just, that's what happens when you hit atmospheres, sometimes you spin, and it's, for example, the reason why that guy who jumped out of that Red Bull like, space balloon--

D: Oh yeah!

H: He pulled his ripcord early because he started to spin and he was spinning so fast that he, you know, if you spin fast enough, you will die.  So in a similar way, this thing was spinning so fast that all of its instruments got overloaded and then suddenly, it thought it had landed already and it sent back a report, basically, and it was like, I'm on the surface of Mars, and then it stopped existing shortly thereafter and they found a giant crater that it had crashed into, so it thought it landed but it was wrong and so it didn't do all the things to prepare for landing and instead just crashed.  

 (54:00) to (56:00)

D: No.

H: So that's what happened.

D: Ohh, that's so sad.

H: But the good news is that Schiaparelli, while an interesting and useful instrument, a lot of what it was doing was testing out to see if the ESA's landing systems were good enough to put on their much more expensive rover that they're sending in 2020, and we discovered that they weren't.

D: They're not, yeah, they're not!

H: So this problem will be fixed!

D: Okay, good.  Well, there you go, that was handy.  Handy to know.  

H: Yeah, handy to know.  So that is the news from Mars.  Dodie, what did we learn today?

D: I learned what apple bottom jeans are.  I had never heard of them before.  Well, I've never Googled it before.  I've heard of them many a time, but now I know that it's just sort of big booties in jeans.  

H: I learned that Dodie has a friend Sammy.  Have I met Sammy?  

D: I don't know!  You should.  He's great.  

H: Okay.

D: Well, aside from all of the terrible jokes.

H: Well, that is great except for the part where there's all the rabbit murder.

D: Yeah, exactly.

H: And uh, and we learned that Hank would not eat his own hands.  He would feed the world with them.

D: Oh yeah.  Was that the answer that you would give?

H: No, it wasn't.  Like, I don't believe that I could produce an infinite amount of ham from my hands.  Like, I just don't accept it.  

D: Then join me on the sun cream armpit side.

H: Uh, yes, and yes, definitely.  At the same time, like, I would prefer for that not to happen either.  

D: Mhmm.  See--

H: Unless if it was on demand.  Like if it was only when I wanted it to, but if it was just like, whenever I sweat, I sweated sunscreen, no thank you.

 (56:00) to (56:46)

D: Alright, well, we can ask Sammy.  Oh yes, and we learned that there are two different types of ghosts, of hot ghosts, sorry.  There are warm ghosts and incredibly attractive ghosts.  

H: Thank you for joining me on this episode of Dear Hank and John, Dodie.

D: Thanks for having me.  I loved it.

H: Yeah.  This podcast is produced by Rosianna Halse Rojas and Sheridan Gibson.  It--our social media person is Victoria Bongiorno.  Nicholas Jenkins edits the podcast and our music is by the great Gunnarolla and as they say in our hometown...

H&D: Don't forget to be awesome.