Do you want sexy times but feel perplexed by consent? Does it seem unromantic to you, like it's going to kill the mood?
 
I recently came across the blog Rockstar Dinosaur Pirate Princess, which explains consent very simply. We inquired about creating a video version of her piece with the permission of Rockstar Dinosaur Pirate Princess. I would like to share with you "Consent Not Actually That Complicated".
 
Imagine instead of initiating sex you are making them a cup of tea. You say, "Hey, would you like a cup of tea?" They go, "OMG fuck yes I would fucking love a cup of tea", then you know they want a cup of tea. If you say,"Hey, would you like a cup of tea?" and they say, "mmmmm, eeehhh, I am not really sure." Then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they may not drink it. If they don't, then this is the important bit, don't make them drink it.
 
You can't blame them for you going to the effort of making the tea on the off chance they wanted it. You just have to deal with them not drinking the tea. Just because you made it doesn't mean you are entitled to watch them drink it.
 
If they say, "No thank you." Then don't make them tea, at all. Don't make them tea, don't make them drink the tea, don't get annoyed at them for not wanting the tea. They just don't want the tea OK?
 
They might say, "Yes Please, that is kind of you". Then when the tea arrives they actually don't want the tea at all. Sure that's kind of annoying as you have gone through the effort of making the tea. But they remain under no obligation to drink the tea. They did want it, now they don't. Sometimes people change their mind in the time it takes to boil that kettle, brew that tea and add the milk. It's OK for people to change their mind and you are still not entitled to watch them drink it, even though you went to the trouble of making it.
 
If they are unconscious, don't make them tea! Unconscious people don't want tea, they can't answer the question, "Do you want tea?" Because they are unconscious. OK, maybe they were conscious when you asked them if they wanted tea and they said yes. But in the time it took you to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk, they are now unconscious. You should just put down the tea. Make sure the unconscious person is safe. This is the important bit, don't make them drink the tea. They said yes then sure, but unconscious people don't want tea. If someone said yes to tea started drinking it and then passed out before they finished it, don't keep on pouring it down their throat. Take the tea away and make sure they are safe. Because unconscious people don't want tea! Trust me on this!
 
If someone said yes to tea around your house last Saturday night, that doesn't mean they want tea all the time. They don't want you coming around unexpectedly to their place and making them tea and forcing them to drink it. Going, "But you wanted tea last week." Or wake up to find you pouring tea down their throat saying, "But you wanted tea last night."
 
Do you think this is a stupid analogy? Yes! You all know this already! Of course you wouldn't force feed someone tea because they said yes to a cup last week! Of course you wouldn't pour tea down the throat of an unconscious person because they said yes to tea five minutes ago when they were conscious. 
 
If you can understand how ludicrous it is to force people to have tea when they don't want tea and you are able to understand when people don't want tea, then how hard is it to understand when it comes to sex?
 
A special thanks to Emiline Mae for the permission to share her poignant words with you. You can check out more of her writing at rockstardinosaurpirateprincess.com and follow her on Twitter @RStarDinoPirate.
 
Tea. Sex. Ask. Respect. Stay curious.
 
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