SoundCloud: http://soundcloud.com/dearhankandjohn/039-feelings-are-alright-with-katherine-green
Previous: 038 - The Smelling in Your Dwelling
Next: 040 - Almost Distressingly Good Advice

Categories

Statistics

View count:181,165
Likes:0
Dislikes:0
Comments:129
Duration:1:04:53
Uploaded:2016-03-15
Last sync:2019-11-12 17:20
How do I overcome pizza betrayal? What's the deal with sesame seeds? How do I solve my sibling ball crisis? What do I do in Montana? How do I deal with my driving anxiety? And more!

 Intro (00:00)


[Intro music]


Hank Green: Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John!


Katherine Green: Or as John likes to call it, Dear John and Hank.


H: It's Katherine!


K: I'm Katherine Green... neither John nor Hank.


H: We're here to give you some dubious advice, answer your questions and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon.


K: It's gonna be so good!


H: How ya doin' Katherine?


K: I'm alright, it's starting to be spring here in Montana.


H: Mhm.


K: So...


H: Had any recent visits from Taylor Swift?


K: No, no. I don't think she knows that Montana exists.


H: Sure she does.


K: Yeah.


H: Sure she does. I bet--


K: Mm.. If she needs to go to mountains she's like over there in the Swiss Alps or something.


H: I bet she's here right now and you just don't know it.


K: She's living a hot lifestyle. You know who is here right now actually?


H: Who?


K: Ingrid Nilsen.


H: Really?!


K: Yes, she is in, she's down near Bozeman.


H: What?


K: That's what I said. I was like, "I see how it is."


H: Oh my goodness! I mean Bozeman's pretty far away.


K: It's not close. It's really, you know, it's one of those things where you're like, "You were in Ohio and you didn't tell me? That is a completely different thing...


H: Yeah.


K: ...than being in Montana.


H: Yeah there's a lot of Montana. But what's she doing in Bozeman?


K: I don't know, some...


H: ...thing, important cool thing I'm sure.


K: Yeah, she's, yeah.


H: Well I think we'll see her when we're in LA soon, so that'll be good. Fingers crossed. Wow. But I bet Taylor's here too. I think she is. I don't know where she's at...


K: You have a feeling.


H: I do, I have this feeling.


K: You have a sense that Taylor Swift is in the area.


H: ..is nearby.. ish.


K: No. I don't think you're right.


H: Cosmically she's nearby.


K: [laughs] She is closer than she could be. If she was in space, or...


H: [laughs] Yeah she's not in space. She's here on Earth just like all the other earthlings... for the most part.


K: Right. Yes. It's a very very tiny tiny percentage of human earthlings who are not...


H: ...not here on Earth. And they're still very close by.


K: They're real close.


H: I recently found out that oftentimes the Space Station is closer than lots of places on Earth. So like if you could see the Space Station overhead, it's much closer to you than like, Florida.


K: Sure, yeah or anywhere on the other side of the globe. Definitely.


H: Definitely.


K: Even if you could go straight through. Still closer.


H: Yeah like the people on the Space Station are closer to people most of the time than people in like New Zealand.


K: [laughs] It's a really big planet.


H: You could be.. yeah. It's a big planet.


K: It's a big planet, it's round.


H: And the atmosphere is very thin.


K: It is very thin.


H: Precariously thin, terrifyingly thin.


K: Yes, yes. I'm getting anxiety let's stop talking about it.


H: Alright. Um.. how am I doing, is the question.


K: Oh! And how are you also doing Hank?


H: I'm good, I have a little bit of gas.


K: Mm, that's pretty much constant for me. I just don't even talk about it.


H: You know I think I might unbutton my pants.


K: Yeah you should be comfy.


H: Yeah gotta make myself comfy. What's that face?


K: That was me suppressing a burp, of course.


H: Oh. [laughs] This is already better, this is already more comedy than any Dear Hank and John.


K: Nobody wants to hear that.


H: I don't know Katherine. I think if you let one or two go, people would really enjoy it.


K: We'll see.


H: I also, on my tumblr, I made a critical statement about the song "Cecilia and the Satellite." It wasn't really a critical statement even, I guess traditionally critical--


K: It was a joke.


H: Well it was a bit of a joke and also, I actually feel like if I was a songwriter I would've played it different, but of course that's fine and different creative people make different choices.


K: Sure.


H: I was just talking about how I feel that the metaphor would've been more powerful without the addition of "and you're the sky" because a satellite implies a two-body system in which one thing revolves around another. That's what a satellite is. It's anything that revolves around--


K: That is what a satellite is yes. Like the moon--


H: And the moon is a satellite. And I was like, "What a beautiful thought," and then he says, "and you're the sky" and that just messes the whole metaphor up for me.


K: Yeah 'cause what even does the sky mean?


H: Yeah, the sky is like the thing that we see from the Earth, so like, who is the third impartial observer that is observing both he the satellite and she the sky?


K: [laughing]


H: Is it me the-


K: Most people are just like "doo doodoo doodoo"-


H: -song listener?


K: -"doo doodoo doodoo dooooooo dodoo" and Hank's like "wait a minute. What do you mean when you say sky?"


H: We were watching Agent Carter last night and there was a periodic table in the background and it didn't have any of the atomic weights on it, and I was like "WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF THAT PERIODIC TABLE?!?"


K: [laughing] It's a beautiful drawing. It's just for art.


H: You can look up nothing of interest on this!


K: Pretty colors!!! I don't know.


H: Not useful.


K: Yeah, I was-


H: The whole point is the-


K: Yeah, I had to point out to Hank that...uh...the Marvel cinematic universe is not based on science.


H: Yeah, I did, I did, I did-what did I say?-oh they were talking about this photon beam-


K: Oh god, no


H: -and that, yeah, so they're shooting a bunch of photons-


K: They're using words that science has made, but they don't mean what science makes them mean.


H: But then they're talking about how it's going to travel in a parabolic arc-


K: Oh yeah, no.


H: And I'm like, "Why would photons, they're they're photons!"


K: Massless. 


H: They have no mass.


K: [stutters laughing]


H: I mean they're very slightly parabolic arc due to the distortion of space-time by the gravity of Earth.


K: Sure.


H: That is the only, but like that's not gonna matter on the scale you're aiming in. Uh...yeah.


K: Anyway,-


H: So I, sometimes, I am sometimes that guy.


K: Yup.


H: And I don't want to be that guy-


K: Well....


H: And several people on Tumblr criticized me of being that guy.


K: Uh well, yeah, you kinda are that guy, but you know, it's...you're not doing it...maliciously.


H: No, no.


K: It's just... it's just...


H: No, but like, when Neil DeGrasse Tyson is that guy I'm - sometime I'm like 'Oh, come one! Just have a good time' but then I'm like 'Why are there no atomic weights on that Periodic table? You've destroyed -


K: He is having a good time Hank, that's the thing.


H: It's his way of having a good time.


K: Yes. Which... yeah, you know, that's fine.


H: It's fine - everybody has their own way...


K: Doesn't mean you wanna hang out with them every day though.


H: Yeah, find your bliss Neil DeGrasse Tyson, whatever it is.


K: *laughs* Criticize popular media for, uh, for it's depictions of things. Whatever.


H: Do you have a short poem for us Katherine?


K: I do have one prepared, it is the shortest one I could find.


H: Good for you! Thank you for doing that, I appreciate that very much.


K: *laughs* And we don't have to talk about it afterwards, it's by D H Lawrence, who was a writer.


H: Is he no longer?


K: And apparently a poet. Oh, he is no longer, correct.


H: Okay.


K: Yes, he is a former. It's called Tourists.


H: Okay.


K: "There is nothing to look at any more,


Everything has been seen to death"


H: *laughs* Great! Great Dear Hank and John poem Katherine!


K: Thanks.


H: I - you look really proud of yourself right now.


K: We were - I am, I feel proud. *laughs* As a person who knows nothing about poetry and has minimal interest in it.


H: *laughs* That's not true, you like poetry.


K: Eh.


H: More than I do.


K: I suppose. I mean, I can appreciate it but I don't seek it out, that's for sure.


H: Yeah, I'm - I mostly have a, I feel like I, uh, my brain has very structured ways of understanding the world -


K: It's challenging to absorb, yes.


H: It's taken a long time for me to develop these structures and they work, they function well and then like - poetry is kinda designed to disrupt those structures.


K: Yes.


H: And then I'm just like 'I can't work' [laughing] Everything breaks! I don't have those other ways of understanding the world, they're just not there.


K: It is very challenging for you to understand.

 Question One (8:07)


H: Alright - Katherine, we've got a question.


K: Oh! Let's do it.


H: We're gonna do questions-


K: Let's jump right into it.


H: This one is from  Mikaela(?), who asks, "Dear Hank and Katherinem Dogs and cats have a higher average body temperature than humans, which causes them to always feel warm and soft and cuddly when we touch them-


K: Mm.


H: Does this mean that when they touch us they feel a cold sack of human flesh since our body temperature is lower than theirs?


K:Ohh.


[pause]


H: I mean--


K: Ohh.


H: Have you ever touched another human?


K: That's -- Yeah, they feel warm.


H: Yeah.


K: Ish. Depending on what part you touch


H: Depending on what part you're touching.


 


K: Yeah.


H: And generally the part doing the touching is colder=


K: Is the cold part.


H: is colder than the part that you're touching. I have always been impressed by my pets' abilities - for me to come in from the outside, wintertime and and go to them and be like, "Give me a cuddle!" And they don't - like, if I did that to you


K: Oh yeah.


H: You-


K: [Makes cat hissing noises, ending with MRREOW!]


H: [laughs]


K: All the scratching and biting.


H: Yeah, but like, pets are just like, "Mum's laying here-" Like, how are you not totally uncomfortable when I put my frigid hands on your - Lemon didn't even have hair on her stomach, and I'd just be like, "Yeeess" And she never cared.


K: Yeah. I don't know. Er, um. She didn't have fat either, so I don't know how she managed. 


H: No.


K: Um. oh.


H: But yes, they do, but it says a lot about them that they don't seem to mind, 


K: Yeah. I-I think that's the thing, it's like, is it unpleasant, therefore?


H: Right.


K: Not necessarily.


H: Mmhm.


K: Yep.


H: Maybe they're hot.


K: Maybe they're hot! [laughs]


H: Maybe they want to cool off!


[both laugh]


H: Yeah! They always rub against people and they're like "You're so cooool!"


K: [laughing]


H: I luuuve it.


[laughs]


H: That does not seem to be our pets though, because when the fireplace worked, which it no longer does, 


K: Ugh


H: They would just lay there.


K: Oh yeah, until


H: Until


K: Until searing


H: Until, like, dangerously hot.


K: [laughs]


H: So I don't know. I think that they, yeah, yes. I think the answer to this question is yes.


K: I think, yes, I think its yes, but also, its not as impactful to them because they


H: Yeah


K: They can manage their temperature better maybe?


H: Maybe


K: Possibly


H: Yeah, I think humans are just wusses.


K: Yeah, we're just not good at it. Like, I'm cold right now.


H: Yeah


K: I 


H: Wearing a hat and a hoodie


K: Oh God! I


H: Inside


K: Yeah


H: Yeah


K: So 


H: We're just bad at being people


K: Yeah, well


H: Animals. Bad at being animals.


K: Yeah, bad at being animals. Yes.


H: Because


K: We have other skills


H: Yeah, we have. Because we've got so good at being like- Oh! this is bothering me. I'll fix the problem.


K: [laughs]


H: Animals are like- Oh! this is bothering me. So?


K: Yep, ride it out.


H: What am I going to do? I got two choices- die or live with it.


[Both laugh]


K: Sucking it up


H: Sucking it up. Good animals are good at that. Thank you animals for being so good at that.


K: Yep, well thanks for your question? Mikaela. Umm. Weird though to have had.


H: [laughs]

 Question Two (11:13)


K: But I have another question, Hank.


H: Okay


K: Its from Natalie. Dear Hank and John, or Katherine, My brother and I are currently fighting over a ball, which I took from him because I wanted it.


H: [laughs] You have very good grammar.


K: Now, I know you are wondering how could a two year old send emails.


H: That is what I was wondering


K: Yes, well I am in fact 16 and my brother is 14. Because I took the ball, my brother is now taking my things, he has my textbook. This will most likely continue till one of us gives in. I will not be the one, and anyway, I was wondering, what was the most petty thing you guys have fought over? Any interesting insults get thrown around?


H: [laughs]


K: Now I am assuming he was hoping to get this question answered by you and John.


H: Right, but


K: But unfortunately


H: But that's not what's going to happen


K: Johns not here, so


H: And I, "she" I believe


K: Oh, sorry, yes.


H: Natalie


K: I don't know. That is weird.


H: You just assumed two brothers because, because that was more


K: It seems


H: The more likely situation for the bickering


K: Yeah, it does not. Yup. Well, anyway,


[Both laugh]


K: Even though I read Natalie at the beginning


H: You did


K: Sorry Natalie


H: Well first let me say


K: You could talk about petty arguments you've had with John though, even though he's not here to defend himself.


H: No, I want to. No. But first I want to give Natalie some advice


K: Oh, sure, yeah


H: Give that ball back


K: Seriously


H: Come on


K: I mean


H: You're going to be the one, just. You know, you are, I know that you are the older sibling here. And there is power dynamic, and that power dynamic, I'm sure has a lot of different stuff tied into it in your sibling relationship.


K: Yes


H: But remember, you as the older, see I'm coming at this, we're both coming at this- Katherine and I- as the younger sibling


K: [laughs]


H: And we're like come on


K: [laughs] Yeah, be the bigger person


H: Yeah, be the bi... Because your brother, 14 year old is doing his best to keep up


K: Yes


H: Appearances and be like- hah, I am equal, on equal footing with you, but he's not


K: yeah


H: He's the younger sibling and he's always going to feel


K: That's the thing


H: more slighted


K: Yeah, that's the thing you'll have to learn is when you have power, when you are in a position of power,


H: yeah


K: You should not abuse it


H: And also understanding when you are in a position of power, which can be very difficult, and is the source of the majority of conflicts in the world.


K: hmm.


H: Like when misunderstanding how powerful you are


K: Interesting, yes


H: I... that is how I feel. That is a feeling that I have


K: that's... [laughs]


H: I haven't done any psychological or sociological research on this


K: [laughs]


H: But, do we have any arguments?


K: Umm


H: Any useless, petty things?


K: Petty arguments?


H: Yeah


K: Silence. [laughs]


H: We never fight. uh. You do not like it when I leave the lights on.


K: Oh


H: You're always like- Hey! are you?


K: [laughs]


H: Wha


K: Yeah, I guess that's a thing. I guess that's a thing. 


H: Yeah. Cups. 


K: I- oh yeah, well the cups is a definite thing. I'm like, why... Is this your cup? Is this also your cup? How about that one over there, is that your cup? I can see three of your cups from where I'm sitting, Hank! Why do you have so many cups? 


H: [laughs] Why did you just get a new cup?


K: Yeah. [Laughs] I mean, some- I- Yeah. That's fine, though. You know, I mean, on the, one level of things. 


H: Yeah, no, that is, that is a petty argument.


K: That's why it's petty.


H: That is, yes, and I'm, and I'm like--


K: And it's not even like really an argument, I'm just kind of like "You did it again."


H: [Laughing]


K: You know, we're not, we're not like, 'cause you know, you know it's, you're wrong. So, it's not like we're arguing about it.


H: I do. I'm like, I'm like, what happened was...


Together: I forgot...


H: about everything in the world, and I forgot that the rest of the world existed and I was thirsty.


K: [Laughing] Yup.


H: And I--


K: And the thing, what I do when I'm thirsty is I go to the cupboard and get a cup and put liquid in it.


H: Yes.


K: I don't think about whether I have a cup first or not.


H: This is important husband-wife communication, like you have to know these things about each other that like Katherine sees-conceives of the world differently than I do.


K: Yeah, I do.


H: You see a bunch of objects--


K: Yes.


H: --around. I do not.


K: Nope.


H: I'd, I never


K You're oblivious to the objects.


H: I never, I have no idea objects are around.


K: Oh, yeah. Man, it's crazy.


H: I have, I have like, ah, I can tell like objects that I'm focused on.


K: Yeah.


H: Like, the microphone.


K: Uh huh.


H: I'm very aware of the microphone.


K: Mhmm.


H: Right now.


K: Yeah.


H: I'm very aware of where it is.


K: Do not touch it.


H: And, and, I feel, and when we're recording Games with Hank stuff, I'm always like, "Katherine, be more aware of the microphone." You have no idea where it is, and I'm constantly laser-focused on where that thing is so people can hear me and you're like off over here, and you're just having fun like s-back on the couch. And, I'm like, "Come on! We're making content here."


K: I'm trying to live.


H: [Laughing]


K: Let me live!


[Both laughing]


K: Yeah, I swear, the world is just full of objects for me.


H: Oh, yeah.


K: It is literally just cluttered with objects, so many. They're all, and they're all looking at me, and they want me to do something with them.


H: [Laughing]


K: Oh, god. It's really stressful.


H: It's, yes. That's very, very different ways of looking, but you have to understand.


K: Anyway, we just went right away from that question.


H: That's fine, that's fine. Have you ever, ever watched My Brother, My Brother, and Me? Listened to?


K: Yes.


H: Uh, that's, that podcast is so much funnier than Dear Hank and John, and they never talk about the questions.


K: True. The goal is a little bit different.


H: The goal is different. They never talk about death. I mean, geez, what kind of podcast is it even?


K: Seriously.


H: Come on.


K: Gotta at least acknowledge it.


H: Yeah. I just want to talk about My Brother, My Brother and Me every, like every episode of Dear Hank and John, because I want all the people who watch, who listen Dear Hank and John to know.


K: There's so much of it though


H: There is. You don't have to listen, that's the other thing, you are, like you feel like there's all these objects in the queue of, of My Brother, My Brother, and Me and that's stressful


K: Oh, it's so stressful


H: But, you're never going to listen to all of them


K: Yup.


H: But, I'm just like, oh I'll just listen to the most recent one, and, if I've listened to that one, I'll listen to the one before that


K: Oh man, no.


H: I listened to one of the first ones, and I was like, "Why did I do this? It's less good." They didn't know what they were doing. The audio quality is bad. The, I mean it's like, it's not not funny, it's good, it's just less good. Why would you start at the beginning, when-- Like why, like sometimes I'm like why would someone start at the begin-- no one would start at the beginning of Vlogbrothers. You would go back and watch Vlogbrothers, maybe, because you have like, you want to have like the institutional knowledge


K: Right, but that's not where you're going to start. I see.


H: That's not where you're going to start, because if you did you'd be like, "What? This is awful. Why, why did anyone ever watch this?"


K: This terrible, terrible video. 


H: Yeah.


K: These super awkward people.


H: Super awkward, low quality, both technically and, as far as the actual content itself--


K: Performance-wise


H: Yeah. Alright, Katherine.


K: Yeah?


H: You want to do another question?


K: I think we should.


H: OK.


 Question Three (18:00)


K: Sorry we didn't really answer that one, but, you know.


H: Let's do a more serious question.


K: Oh, OK, sure. Yeah.


H: Um, this one is from Laura, who asks, "Dear Hank and Katherine," Doesn't actually say that, but let's just go with it.


K: Whatever.


H: "I'm in college, and I have had a boyfriend for a year and a half. I love spending time and going places with him and his family, but I'm often uncomfortable, because they are very rich and I am definitely not rich. His parents took us out to some fancy dinners which I have to buy fancy clothes that I can't afford. And it's an odd situation for me, because I never went out for fancy dinners growing up. Do you have any dubious advice for me to how to feel more comfortable in situations like this?" Two different questions here.


K: Yeah, I mean there's definitely several issues.


H: Yeah.


K: Uh, Laura, is it?


H: It is.


K: Um, well Laura.. [laughing]


H: [laughing] What do you think, Katherine?


K: I feel like I had not, not, not quite as, not the exact--


H: Yeah


K: --experience as you,


H: That's why I thought this would be a good question for us.


K: But a similar one. Um, Hanks--


H: You're allowed to say it.


K: --family...


H: [laughing]


K: ...parts of it at least, are far better off than mine, and, uh, just had different expectations of what, what life was going to be like.


H: Right.


K: Um, and that include, you know, fancy--


H: Fancy.


K: --cocktail parties and whatever. 


H: The country club.


K: Events, events. Yes.


H: Yeah.


K: Things that, things at the country club


H: Whew.


K: And, you know, were, if you were raised with it, it wouldn't seem strange at all, um, but, as an outsider and especially someone even from a slightly different culture, um, I grew up in Connecticut.


H: My family's from the south.


K: So, not quite the same there. It did not have, you know, anyway. Umm, yeah, uh, I don't know about needing to get more comfortable with that, I think it's alright to maintain the discomfort.


H: Mhmm.


K: In some aspect.


H: Right, I mean like...


K: Because, like, you don't want to be, I don't know


H: A different person.


K: Right, and also, like, to become comfortable with fancy dinners all the time


H: Mhmm.


K: Uhh... I don't know, I feel, I, maybe this is me judging-


H: Right. But you want to be a little more connected to reality.


K: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You- Not-not everyone is able to do that, obviously-


H: Right.


K: You like, you like, you're saying, you know and... um.


H: It's the kind of thing you want to appreciate as exceptional-


K: Right.


H: Not the kind of thing that you want to consider as normal.


K: Yeah.


H: And-


K: Thanks for putting those words out there, 'cause I was having a hard time with it.


H: I, uh, yeah


K: [laughs]


H: It's fine, I am a professional talker in your defense.


K: I-I didn't wanna, I didn't wanna sound judgy but everything that was coming to my mind was sort of, sounding judgmental.


H: Yeah.


K: Um. Because, you know.


H: It's, uh, it's a cultural difference and like people who are, who are, like, ingrained in a culture can have a very difficult time, um, realizing how exceptional-


K: Mm hm.


H: It might be, at the same time, even the, even like, sort of, lower middle class experience in America is a much, uh, is a-is a, is a luxurious lifestyle globally,


K: Yeah, absolutely.


H: So like there's always that-


K: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.


H: Kind of tension.


K: I'd say, yeah, I mean, to help you with the thing about feeling more comfortable, umm, you could just have like your own personal, like maybe a little game you play, like how many times does something strange happen, or like-


H: Yeah.


K: Something that seems, I don't know. I can't think about the specific event but like-


H: You can kind of consider it as


K: How many times does the waiter say your boyfriend's-dad's name.


H: [laughs]


K: Haha, or call him Mister-something.


H: Yeah.


K: Or, whatever, I don't-whatever it is I don't know what, what you're experiencing.


H: Yeah, you sort of experience some sort of anthropological experiment-


K: Right.


H: I think is what Katherine is suggesting.


K: Yes.


H: Um, eh, and with time it does get more comfortable.


K: Yeah, and also, you know, appreciate it.


H: Yes.


K: You know, like, wow, this is really-


H: Interesting-


K: Yeah


H: And delicious.


K: Yeah.


H: And


K: Yeah.


H: Yeah.


K: Yeah. Uh, uh, yeah...


H: But, but that as far as like this, this, what I consider to be the practical problem-


K: Yeah.


H: Of like, I-I need to buy clothes for these experiences, they don't con-it's very difficult for a rich person to-


K: Mm hmm.


H: Consider, that with-like their taking you out as a gift to you.


K: Right, right.


H: An-and they have no idea, and would probably be terrified to hear that you have to, uh, spend what is a significant amount of money to you and like make a significant sacrifice in order to have this experience. And, and the hope is that, like, these people just want to make you feel comfortable, feel happy


K: Yeah.


H: Um, and, and feel supported, and they don't know that that's happening. Now, figuring out how to tell them that's happening without, like, it being really awkward is hard.


K: Yeah. I mean, if, if, I, my question is if you've, have you ever discussed this with your boyfriend?


H: Right.


K: You've got, you've been together for two years, you said?


H: Year and a half, yeah.


K: OK, well that's not very long, but


H: But, long enough to maybe to, to bring it up, to be like,


K: Long enough to have, yeah, yeah.


H: He knows something about you're financial situation.


K: I would hope so, yeah. And also you know like, maybe, you're like "we'll, I love seeing your family--"


H: Mhmm


K: "--could we do something else next time?"


H: Right.


K: Whatever it is.


H: Yeah. I love seeing your family, and I, and like


K: Or


H: Yeah, just like approaching it from like a purely rational standpoint might be a nice thing to do, and be like, uh, "is it OK if I wear the same dress every time? Is that going to be weird?"


K: Yeah, and also I would definitely, I would do that.


H: Be-Because, there is also a kind of-


K: Like, wear the same dress every time,


H: Yeah.


K: Put a different scarf on. 


H: Yeah.


K: Or, you know...


H: Don't think you have to get a different dress for every time you go out.


K: Yeah, they- I mean, chances are, they won't even notice.


H: Yeah.


K: And if they do...


H: And if they do it and they don't like it, then like, that's a conversation that you have to have with your boyfriend, because that's when they are judging you for your...


K: Yep.


H: For your like, for something that is not in your control.


K: Correct.


H: Which is not something that good people do.


K: Yep!


H: [Laughs]


K: Sometimes you- you fall in love with people who don't have good relatives.


H: That is true.


K: It sounds like they're nice! 


H:It sounds like they're nice. It sounds like you got a good situation and like it'll be totally handleable.


K: So like. So like - I don't know... Just Stick- Just stick with it if you feel like it. And if you don't-


H: Don't! 


K: Don't!


*Both Laugh*


H: That's good advice Katherine! You wanna ask another question?

 Question Four (24:51)


K: [Both laugh] Oh sure! Ummm this one's also kind of, er, serious-


H: Alright! 


K: It's from Emily, who asks: "Dear Hank and Katherine, how do I get over my anxiety associated with driving?"


H: Hmm.


K: "I was hit by a car my freshman year of high school and broke my ankle and had to be in physical therapy for a very long time. Now, I guess because I now understand the real dangers of driving a car, I don't like driving. It is the source of most of my anxiety. I'm a senior in high school and have had my learner's permit for a year and a half. How do I get over this anxiety and actually drive?"


H: Uhm. 


K: Urgh! This-


H: Ummm.


K: This is very, umm... America question.


H: Yeah, yeah yeah, cos in America, like for people who aren't - don't live American lifestyles, including people in America who might live in big cities. Umm - Yeah... Driving is very, like, oftentimes you can't do things without a driver's license that have nothing to do with driving.


K: Yeah.


H: Like, it is your identity- your piece of identification. You can get non-driver's license identifications, but they're much more rare.


K: Yeah, yeah.


H: And, uhh, and drivering is very, like a, like a very necessary part of life in a lot of, a lot of America, and you basically can't function as an adult without the ability to do it in some places. Or, it is a significant--


K: Or have any sort of like social--


H: Yeah, it can hold you back significantly, and it's really unfortunate that that is the case.


K: I mean yeah, where I lived in Connecticut, I lived in a very sort of rural area and I specifically didn't live near anyone I was friends with, so if I ever wanted to go see anyone, I had to get myself there because no one was going to come to my house


H: There's no city bus.


K: No, yeah and also there was no public transport.


H: Yeah.


K: At all. And also like if I wanted to have a job or do anything extra-curricular, sports or musicals or any of that stuff, I had to be able to get myself to those things.


H: Mhmm. The uh--


K: My dad didn't you know-- like my mom couldn't drive me everywhere, she had a job, my dad had a job.


H: Yeah, people are busy. So the uh--


K: So the anxiety associated with driving is... uh good!


H: Yes, it is warranted.


K: As you know!


H: Yes, it is the most dangerous thing that young people do...


K: Yeah!


H: And the-- it is less dangerous automatically because you are anxious about it, because you are going to be careful about it. In general like the blanket advice is that if you have to do something that you're anxious about, doing it is the only way to get less anxious about it.


K: Yes. Yep, you just have to do it.


H: The more you do it, the less anxious you will feel. I mean, I remember feeling--


K: I mean, I don't know where you live, but I would take yourself, somehow, to a place that is more safe to begin driving.


H: Do a lot of driving around in neighborhoods.


K: Yep.


H: Below 20 miles per hour.


K: Sloooow places with not a lot of other cars and not a lot of other things to challenge you. Yeah, just get comfortable with the actual, like being in a car in the driver's seat.


H: Yeah.


K: And you know, take it as slow as you need to, I guess.


H: And as far as like rational Hank, just know that all things are percentages and just know that like the chances of sort of normal, every day driving, not being reckless, the chances of injury are low.


K: Yeah, especially the slower you're going.


H: Yeah. The chances of accidents are much higher when you're going slower but the chances of...

K: Injury, yeah.

H: injury, yeah, are much lower. This is a very ephistic (? 28:45) thing. I did a bunch of weird research on-- so I read a statistic on the internet that said that women were much more likely to be the cause of car accidents than men, and I was like "mmmm, I don't feel good about this statistic."


K: "Tell me more."


H: And so I did a bunch of research and it was fascinating, it is in deed true, but they are much less likely to be the cause of deadly accidents.


K: Fatalities.


H: So women do a lot of neighborhood driving, driving to school--


K: Distracted.


H: Yeah, like mall parking lot driving, like the kind of driving that you're more likely to get into an accident in.


K: [laughs] Supermarket.


H: Yeah, like this is where


K: You know women, they going shopping, they drivin' they kids around.


H: Yeah, and they also have like the most distracting thing you can possibly have in a car, which is a child. But, but, what do we want to measure here? The number of fender benders or the number of like... deaths. Cuz men are responsible for many more actually serious car accidents. Which is fascinating and one of those things where you're like "boy, statistics, they can say anything."


K: Sure.


H: But, yeah neighborhood driving is very safe and whatever happened to you-- I'm sorry about your accident, it's on-- you just happened to be statistically very unlucky, and it happens. And it seems much more present to you because it has happened to you, that does not mean it is as likely as it feels to you.


K: Mhmm.


H: Which is an important thing.


 Question Five (30:24)


H: We've got another question, this one's from Alianna who asks, "why do sesame seeds add to a burger? Why do buns always have sesame seeds?" Alianna, I don't know and I am so grateful for you for asking.


K: Have you brought this up before?


H: No, I don't think I have. I don't know that I've ever mentioned this anywhere publicly, I can't eat sesame seeds because of my ulcerative colitis. They are a trigger food for me that will make my colon really unhappy, so basically sesame seeds are Hank repellent, and like I get--


K: Oh man. And they just like sprinkle 'em on stuff willy nilly, no warning.


H: Everything! Yeah, no thought!


K: Like, this is not a garnish.


H: They add nothing.


K: It does nothing for the food.


H: They add nothing. No like I love the flavor of sesame--


K: Sesame's delicious.


H: But you can't taste it on a bun!


K: Yeah, like two seeds on a bun.


H: No. And they're so stuck no because they like paint them on with egg whites or something but you can't just brush them off. And I-- it is so-- every time I get a sandwich at a restaurant I have to be like "does it have sesame seeds on it?" and if it does have sesame seeds I'm like "fine, just gimme a freakin' salad! [grumbles]" And often times I'll be at places, particularly Asian restaurants, and I don't know why, I have 100% asked every time but it doesn't say anything about sesame seeds and it's covered in sesame seeds 


K: Yes, they've just thrown a handful of sesame seeds over your sushi and you're like "WHY?"


H: [exasperated sigh] No. Someone-- I hope so much that someone else will eat this because I cannot.


K: Yeah.


H: But, But, I think that this is just a-- fast food is very strange. I was thinking about it yesterday because we were eating at McDonald's and--


K: Hm.


H: What?


K: Nothing.


H: Did I let--


K: Our secret is out! [both laugh] Sometimes you just gotta eat at McDonald's guys.


H: Yeah. And I was thinking about like the food that they have at McDonald's and why it is the way it is. Because I was eating an egg McMuffin, it was night time, they can do that at McDonald's now. Sponsor! [both chortle] They have all day breakfasts, very exciting. And I was like "why is this the thing that I can get? Why is a chicken sandwich and a hamburger, why are these the things?"


K: Yeah.


H: And it's because they have this overlap between being like what was, in the 50s when like fast food restaurants were starting to happen, what was considered good food, and what you are easily able to cheaply cook and get and distribute with te same limited equipment and easy training for employees. 


K: Mhmmm.


H: And that's basically what the food is at McDonald's. It's stuff that's easy to get to places, easy to train people to cook, and you don't need a new piece of equipment to cook it. That's all the stuff. And I think that sesame seeds are there because they add legitimacy to a hamburger. They make it seem like this is... like somebody thought about this. And sesame seeds on a baked good, like if you're going to a bakery they have these like cocodrillos that have amazing... sesame seeds all over them


K: Oh yeah, sesame bagel


H: You know, sesame bagel. So like it's a thing where like it's indicative of a higher-quality item that I'm sure costs very little money. So it looks higher-quality without being functionally different at all. [Katherine chuckles] but it looks higher quality and doesn't cost much more and I think that that is a huge part of the sesame industry in this world.


K: Window dressing.


H: Yeah, psychology.


K: Yeah, psychological window dressing. Makes you think you're--


H: Yeah


K: getting a fancier-- eating a fancier product. pfbbbbt


H: Mhmmm. I have a lot of thoughts on this, unsurprisingly because I deal with it. And this is also a problem for people with diverticulitis and--


K: Yeah, any of those bowel disorders.


H: It's not a huge problem globally, I understand that there are other food issues that are more significant than--


K: [laughs] Sure.


H: Than my sesame seed problem. But, uh, yes. I am a frustration. 


K: I am a frustration. You are a frustration. Alright Hank, you want another question?


H: Give me one.


 Question Six (34:39)


K: This one's also kind of about food. It's from Rabia [she tries three different pronunciations]


H: OK.


K: "Dear Hank and Katherine, so we got cheesy pepperoni pizza delivered to our house the other day,"


H: Sounds great.


K: Sounds delicious, I want it. "extra pepperoni, crispy and amazing. It was delicious and I think my sister would agree, since she slowly reached for the last slice, maintaining eye contact, her face cold and unsmiling, an almost threatening gesture." That took a turn. "How can we learn to forgive people and move on when we know they have intentionally hurt us?"


H: [Hank laughs] Why do we even talk, we should just let these people make the jokes. That was beautiful.


K: First of all Rabia, thank you for the beautiful story! [Hank giggles] I was transported to another place. [Hank chuckles] I could see that pizza, I could taste it and smell it--


H: So crispy!


K: And then I saw your sister's betrayal.


H: Yeah I saw the face. Mmm. Cold. Intentional. Well I think that there's-- I think you should steal her ball. I think there's only one thing you can do. [Katherine burst out laughing] Follow I think  it was Laura's lead and steal-- it wasn't Laura. Dang it, Natalie's lead. Take it, steal that ball. Take it. Don't even let her know where it is!


K: I mean that's one way to handle it.


H: Yeah.


K: Just retribution. Sure.


H: Steal her boyfriend.


K: Uhm... [both laugh] What does she love? Destroy it. [Hank cackles] Does she have a collection of porcelain horses? [both laugh]


H: Put them in the blender!


K: Crush them! To dust!


H: Dust.


K: To sand, and mix them in with her hot cocoa.


H: [laughing] Holy god! Wow!


K: That would be really, really nefarious. Nevermind, don't do that. 


H: Yeah that would be-- Wow, Katherine, whoooof.


K: That's like tiny pieces of glass in your drink. No no no. No.


H: You don't want tiny pieces of glass in your drink. You also don't want to be that person. I want to tell a story about Katherine one time. Can I tell the story about you?


K: Yes.


H: You know what I'm gonna tell?


K: Yes.


H: Oh man. So Katherine did an internship at a--


K: Doesn't matter. 


H: at a wildlife rehab place and she was living in a dorm basically with a bunch of other people and there was this guy in the dorm that Katherine really didn't like. He was really annoying, he was difficult and he was mean, and 


K: I can't even really remember the specifics--


H: I agree, like I met him and I also really did not 


K: of why I disliked him.


H: But yes he was an unpleasant person and he was very--


K: I try not to think about it. It's not really something I want to maintain a memory of.


H: Yeah. And I was visiting Katherine at this dorm and she admitted to me that she would [Katherine giggling] When no one was looking, squeeze his fruit.


K: I would go into the kitchen area and I would just like squeeze all his pears. [Hank laughing] So that they would get brown spots


H: [cackling] It's so bad! You never want to get there with a person.


K: [laughs] I wasn't in a good place.


H: To fruit squeezing.


K: It was a very stressful time in my life.


H: I know, I know, I know. You're not proud.


K: Anyway. But it was-- yeah. I'm so very passive aggressive


H: Yeah.


K: A lot of door slamming in my life.


H: Mhmmm. Yep. Yeah. And it's just important to keep those lines of communication open so that we don't get to fruit squeezy phase.


K: Well yeah I mean I didn't care about maintaining a relationship with this person so it's not like I was really gonna have a conversation about not leaving his dirty things everywhere and just stop being a terrible person.


H: Yeah.


K: Uhm, anyway. Communal living is a challenge.


H: Yes, communal living is a huge challenge.


K: Oh boy is it.


H: Yeah.


K: I'm glad I only have to do that with one other person.


H: Yeah. Yep. Yeah, we do pretty well, we do pretty well. I have another question!


K: Whoo yeah, bring it on.


H: So squeeze her fruit is the answer to the question.


K: Yeah, I get-- Maybe like--


H: Don't squeeze her fruit.


K: No no, but like, something that is really inconsequential but will make you feel better.


H: Yeah.


K: Like you know, just go unfold all of her T shirts or something.


H: No! I disagree! You just gotta let it go!


K: It's just inconvenient but you'll feel better.


H: You just gotta let it go. You gotta let it go. Ask yourself, like you know what I could do? I could just order more pizza and there would be more pizza, like there's not limited amount of pizza in your town.


K: OK, I guess that's true!


H: There's other pizza in the world. 


K: There will be more pizza I guess.


H: You just gotta let it go.


 Question Seven(40:10)


This question is from Lydia who asks--


K: [whispers] Or you could unfold all her T-shirts


H: [laughing] "Dear Hank and Katherine," and this question is for both of us though it says this question is for Hank but it is about Montana. She has just been accepted into a program at Montana State University, she is super excited but she's also scared because she lives in Amsterdam in the Netherlands and has no idea what to expect from Bozeman, Montana. It's pretty different, right? Yes.


K: Than-- than Amsterdam!?


H: Yes, that's correct. It's pretty different from Missoula, actually. "So Hank what's it like? What should I do there? Will I be able to do things without a driver's license, and most importantly, how many sides do bananas have in Montana? Anything you can tell me about this epic-looking place would be very much appreciated." Alright, yes. Bananas, interestingly, are clones and so they look the same everywhere in the world, and so they look the same. At least for now until the blight kills them all. You can watch about that on SciShow.


K: Wow.


H: Yeah, so bananas look the same here, unless you're talking about a different species of banana.


K: Pluggie!


H: Well yeah! And at hankgre on Snapchat.


K: Oh boy. Anyway. Uhm...


H: Montana, Katherine.


K: Yeah, uhhhh... I mean have you ever been to the United States? Is this your first introduction?


H: Yeah. I've never been to Amsterdam, so I don't really know, but I have some ideas about it. Do you like beer? We really like beer here, that's a big part of the culture


K: Yeah, first of all you're gonna have to start drinking espresso and beer.


H: Well she may have just been accepted into school so she probably technically can't drink in America, but it's MSU so you're probably gonna have beer around.


K: That's a good point.


H: Unless that's not your


K: Oh, whatever. Yeah


H: Unless that's not your ba-


K: Yeah.


H: You'll probably find people who are into whatever you're into.


K: The thing is, I don't really know much about Bozeman.


H: I don't know that much about Bozeman.


K: I do not know...


H: Except that Ingrid is there right now.


K: How, no, she's not there. She's just nearby. Anyway, I don't know how easy it is to get around in that town without a car.


H: But I bet you could do it, um, it tends to be in smaller towns... 


K: Yeah, I mean, 


H: You just have to pick where you live carefully.


K: Yep, and also what you want to do on a daily basis.


H: Yeah, there's a website called walkscore.


K: Oh yeah, that's good.


H: And so if you're looking for apartments you will want...


K: She's probably gonna live on campus.


H: Yeah. If you live on campus then you'll probably be set without a car. You'll have friends who cars and campus will probably be near most of the services you need unless you wanna go out to like, go to Walmart or a movie theater or something. Then you will need someone's car. But if you want food.


K: Yeah, Bozeman is certainly more sprawling than Missoula.


H: Yeah, yeah. But there's a downtown area and...


K: But, yes. Um, uh, uh? What should you do here? Is that what she said?


H: Yeah. I think, you know, in any new place like the trick is finding a group of people who have like sort of a similar outlook and values as you and that, you know, that might be a struggle because there are more American sort of like gung-ho American types in Bozeman.


K: Yes, they're more conservative type people.


H: Yes. But, you will be going to a college and so there will be plenty of plenty of not that.


K: Yeah, um. Sure, but you're real close to Yellowstone.


H: Oh yeah! You should go to Yellowstone a lot. 


K: So go to Yellowstone.


H: With friends, because that requires a car.


K: I mean, maybe not a lot, but like, yeah. It's, it can be expensive to get in. You pay per car...


H: But you pay per car.


K: So the more people you have go with you...the better.


H: The cheaper it is!


K: And you can also.. It s a week long pass, I believe once you pay to get into the park so make a longer trip out of it. Don't just plan on going down there for a day or something. Also, because it's huge and you won't be able to see anything and you'll be really stressed out.


H: Yeah, if you try and get it all into one day.


K: Yeah, and also, I don't know, do you like to fish? Try that out.


H: Or hike, there's great hiking all over


K: But there's bears there, make sure to bring a bear bell and bear spray. People get mauled by them over there. 


H: They do sometimes get killed by bears.


K: That doesn't happen here in Missoula so much. [laughing]


H: That's true. You haven't had any mauling since we've been here.


K: It's a different landscape, a bit, it's the other side of the continental divide. I don't know man, just explore the landscape. Go as many places as you can, if you can find someone to take you there, since you can't drive, I don't know.


H: But it's a lovely town to walk around. 


K: Sure, yeah. Do you have a... I don't know what time of year you're going to be there. It's gonna be winter, make sure you bring a lot of coats.


H: It's cold. 


K: It's cold. Lots of snow, there'll be lots of snow. 


H: And if you like skiing, that is a thing that lots of people do there. 


K: Sure, that can also be expensive though, so what kind of college student budget allows for going to the skiing all the time.


H: I don't know. Different strokes.


K: Yeah. It's hard to answer because I don't know what you want to do. 


H: But I think we gave it a pretty good overview.


K: What are you coming here to do? 


H: She didn't say.


K: Oh. Just go to school?


H: Yeah. She's super excited!


K: That's a weird decision. 


H: She said that she's excited about the epic looking place, so. It is epic looking. Big mountains. 


K: It's a beautiful valley. Yep. 


H: Don't get into the sports though. The football, it's too much, it's too much. It's just too much.You got a lot, like we don't get a lot of national football teams in Montana so it's all about the colleges and it just, it rubs me the wrong way, you guys, I'll be honest.


K: [laughing] Don't hurt us.


H: Don't hurt us. But you know. Everybody in Missoula knows we've had some issues, we've had some issues. And it's really frustrating. You got another question for us Katherine?

 Question Eight (46:23)


K: I, I,... sure. This one's from Emmett. Emmett? 


H: Yeah.


K: Dear John Hank and Hank John.


H: [laughing] And Katherine.


K: And Katherine. "A few years ago, I dated a rapper."


H: Oh cool.


K: "I now count him among my most amicable exes but on the count of the fact that break up suck and I initiated ours, he wrote a song about me and the immediate aftermath, that is, he confesses somehow harsh. When we were dating, he offered me veto power over any lyrics about me, which I declined, on the principle that respecting each other creative freedom was important in a relationship between artists. He's generously floated the same offer about the post-break up song before it's committed to posterity in his upcoming album. I am still firm in my principle so my answer hasn't changed, what has changed is that I don't want to hear the song at all. In fact, I dread it. I can accept that the song will be out in the world but I don't want it in my world. I plan on immediately deleting it from my copy of the album and stepping out for an imaginary cigarette if I go to a live show. Having a song written about you is a pretty cool experience so it's ridiculous to duck out of that just because it might hurt some very -- so /is it/ ridiculous to duck out of that just because it might hurt some very old feelings? He accepts my decision but it still feels a bit sticky especially as I'm creating some merch related to the new album for him. Please, I implore your dubious advice as to whether I come off as perfectly reasonable or an emotional coward in this scenario."


H: Emmett you come off as perfectly reasonable.


K: Yeah, I mean it's okay to have feelings about things that happened in the past.


H: Feelings are alright.


K: [laughing]


H: Katherine accepts the legitimacy of feelings.


K: Yup!


H: And as should you and as should your ex. 


K: Yeah I and... I mean it- Are you worried about... I'm confused about why you're worried about this, like are you worried that he's going to... react badly to your reaction? Or that other people are going to see you leaving and be like "Oh he's leaving because this song is about him" and um... I wouldn't worry about either of those things. 


H: No.


K: I think you -- it is fine to take steps to protect yourself.


H: Yeah, it's fine and I like --


K: Mostly I'm just a little worried that you still have such a close relationship with this person it seems like.


H: That's okay.


K: But that's fine.


H: It can be fine.


K: Yeah. I don't know how long ago this break up was or anything so


H: Or how bad it was yeah. He says it's amicable, so yeah I think that you are both being very healthy in this situation and I think that if your ex feels like you are behaving strangely, like it is fine to say like it's just it's emotional for me to hear that song so like if I don't want to have a bunch of emotions right now, which I don't always want when I'm at a club, then I'm not gonna listen to it. And like, but at the same time I'm like -- you in this situation are being really supportive of creative endeavour and that's very healthy and fantastic and like, it's a cool outlook that you seem to both have on this situation. So good job. 


K: Yeah, I think- 


H: I like this question basically because--


K: I think you're handling things fine!


H: --because I think you got the- yeah I like this question because it's just like: "Hello! I'm handling a difficult situation in a very healthy way. Can we talk about that for a little bit?" Yes! Let's do that! And then let's talk about you handling a healthy-- you handling a difficult thing in a healthy way. I feel good now. Good job! People make good decisions sometimes! Not always what we get here on Dear Hank and John. An easy one! 


K: Yeah, I... uh yep. Well-worded question and everything. 


H: Yeah you read that whole thing it was a long one. 


K: It was long, I was like "okay I'm still reading it"


H: You did good, you're better at reading than me. We got another question, this one's from Nicole who asks: Dear Hank and Katherine, this one senior (I'm a freshman) has complimented my giraffe love shirt on two different occasions! It makes me wonder if he's a nerdfighter. However I wore my DFTBA sweatshirt every day to school and he's never said anything about that. Is he a nerdfighter? Or does he just really like giraffes? 


K: [Laughing]


H: Well, I think it's probably, guessing, that he really likes giraffes. 


K: Sounds to me like he really likes giraffes, and also love. 


H: And love, and also probably you.


K: Maybe also he thinks you're cute but do not engage.


H: Be careful. Do not engage. Do not engage freshman senior complicated power dynamic. Do not engage. Katherine's got a groan face. We've all seen it. We've all seen that imbalanced power dynamic.


K: I just don't think it's good. Anyway, you didn't ask about that at all. 


H: You didn't.


K: I don't think he's a nerdfighter either. But-


H: Because-


K: -It's possible that he just doesn't know he is yet. 


H: That's right.


K: So next time he compliments it you should hand him a piece of paper. [laughing] Or something that says "Maybe you should enjoy this website"


H: dftba.com where you can buy this shirt. no.


K: Or http


Both: colon, slash, slash


K: YouTube.com/vlogbrothers. Nobody puts HTTP anymore.


H: No. I don't know why you were doing that.


K: I don't either! 


H: Triple Dub as they say on the old person radio. 


K: Oh god!


H: Yeah... you never heard that? Yeah.


K: That gives me all kinds of gross feelings.


H: Yeah it's gross. I heard that when I was at your parents house, there was a tech support program on the AM radio.


K: Oh of course!


H: It was like how to use your computer and it was like peer advice.


K: They just thought they were so clever.


H: Well there's clearly a person who actually knows what they're talking about but also knows that their audience does not. It was very interesting to listen to and I will never forget it. I just wanna say that shirt ...


K: Like so many things that happen at my parents house.


H: ...its a great shirt and I designed it. So... I just wanna say thank you to both you and that random senior.


K: and giraffes... thank you to giraffes and also other people who have also had the thought of making a heart shape out of giraffe necks which is not a thing that Hank...


H: ... owns!


K: Yes! 


H: I often get people being like "Did you see they copied your design?" and I'm like its a giraffe... its a couple of  giraffes making a heart.


K: Yeah. It's not original.


H: That's gonna happen.


K: Did not come up with that one all by yourself.


H: I sure didn't.

 Commercial Break (53:35)


K: This podcast, Hank, is brought to you by Giraffes.


H: Oh!


K: Yeah!  They're tall. They got long necks and they eat leaves.


H: Correct.


K: They're great. 


H: They can make heart shapes with their necks and they drink each other's pee.


K: Mmmmmm yeah. They're giraffes. They will make your life more interesting.


H: They certainly did to us! I mean, frankly, not only is this podcast brought to you by giraffes but, in a way, the entire Vlogbrothers enterprise is brought to you by giraffes.


K: Yeah - that's what I'm saying.


H: If you check out our most viewed videos this episode of Dear Hank and John is also brought to you by the warmth of your dog or cat. Just remember that they feel you as a cold sack of human flesh.


K: This episode of Dear Hank and John is brought to you by your sibling's ball.


H: [laughter] That came out different than you wanted.


K: You said... Nope. [laughter] Your sibling's ball. Maybe you should just give it back. [laughter] Even if you really want it.


H: And finally this episode of Dear Hank and John is brought to you by sesame seeds. The American...


K: No it is not.


H: ...Association for...


K: I'm shutting this down right now.


H: Sesame Seeds.


K: This episode is not brought to you by sesame seeds 'cause they can go AWAY. [laughter] This episode of Dear Hank and John is finally brought to you by good decisions.


H: Oh yes!


K: Good decisions!


H: Healthy decision making.


K: You are able to make them. [laughter] And when you do we are proud of you.


H: Yes.


K: Well done!


H: Write us... Write us your question and say "I was in a difficult situation, I made a good decision." and we'll just be like "Good job! Thank you! Well done, you." [clapping] Alright, uh, what a wonderful episode of Dear Hank and John we've had thus far. Do you wanna do a couple more questions?

 News From AFC Wimbledon (55:30)


K: Uh, I suppose. We could do questions or is it time for the news from AFC Wimbledon and Mars. What time is it?


H: Oh it's totally - uh wow - wow... That flew by. It is time for news from AFC Wimbledon and Mars. Geez, Katherine, I didn't realize...


K: Well, Hank...


H: ...how time we had gone.


K: How time we had gone, yes. It does - had gone without us experiencing it sometimes. Uhhhm. Well the news from AFC Wimbledon is not great. Hopefully this is the newest news


H: *chuckles* Good. I'm Proud of you already Katherine.


K: Uhhhhhh... From the 8th of March.


H: OK. That was two days ago, that's new.


K: Sure, that's got to be accurate. Uhm. Unfortunately AFC Wimbledon lost their game to the Bristol Rovers.


H: Oh no.


K: Three-one. And they are currently in seventh.


H: Oh that's still good. Seventh is I think inside of the going up to thing.


K: Still within the possible promotion, but... more challenging.


H: More challenging. What happened Katherine?


K: Uuuuuuhhhh... Well I just refreshed this fricking page and it is taking extremely long to load, but once it loads I will tell you all kinds of things that happened. Something, indeed, did happen.


H: Several. At least four distinct goals happened.


K: Yep, yep. Uhhhhh... Jermaine Easter knotted rovers ahead from Lee Brown's cross before Ali Clark doubled the lead with a low, right-footed shot. 


H: Oh. 


K: Mhmm mhmm. John Mead's header gave Wimbledon hope, 


H: Oh John Meads! Go John Meads!


K: Yeah, but Matt Taylor's 12 yards finish, his 19th of the season, sealed victory.


H: I feel like this was plagiarized.


K: Mmmmm, sorry BBC. [Hank laughs] Sport website. Wimbledon, who are 7th as I said, had substitute Adebayo Akinfenwa sent off for dissent.


H: Dissent!? Dissent!? Like it's World War II!?


K: [confused] I don't know what that means.


H: What is dissent!? In the ranks? He dissented.


K: Anyway, they're at 53 points...


H: That's pretty good.


K: Which is tied with Leyton Orient, but they have a better goal differential so... that's why they're in 7th place. But eeeehhhh... things. They're four points behind their nearest...


H: Mhmm. You can make that up.


K: Yeah. That's possible, I suppose.


H: But they're not gonna get into that top three.


K: Hmmm... I do not think it is gonna happen this year.


H: Alright Katherine, well the news from--


K: That is the end of the news from AFC Wimbledon. Thank god.


 News from Mars (58:25)


H: [chuckles] Right? Alright Katherine this is the news from Mars. The Mars Reconnaissance Orver, Orbiter, Orbivrvrvr


K: What is it?


H: The Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter


K: OK


H: Celebrates its 10th anniversary, today, several days earlier


K: On Thursday March 10th.


H: And The Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter has been doing amazing research on Mars, taking pictures with a number of different instruments that have increased 


K: Is this a satellite?


H: It is a satellite.


K: Around the planet of Mars?


H: Correct, the planet of Cecilia, also known as Mars. Which you designate Mars. [Katherine cackles, Hank chuckles] That was a joke only for Sparks Nevada fans. I can't believe I've never made a Sparks Nevada joke in all of this time.


K: Seriously.


H: of doing...


K: Tell me more about G'loot Praktaw. Which you designate Mars.


H: Everyone calls it Mars. Everyone calls it Mars.


K: G'loot Praktaw.


H: If you've never heard the Thrilling Adventure Hour podcast, you should totally check it out. It is an old timey radio podc-- Old time radio-- It is a new-time podcast in the style of old-time radio.


K: There it is. You got there.


H: There it is, I remembered. It is no longer a thing that's happening, but there are lots of old episodes and it is absolutely delightful.


K: So delightful.


H: So delightful.


K: So delightful, also recommend Beyond Belief.


H: Yes. With Paget Brewster and Paul F. Thompkins.


K: Top, top quality hilarity.


H: Top quality hilarity.


K: Uhm, anyway so the rover is ten years old.


H: Orbiter.


K: Orbiter, right.


H: It is orbiting not out on the surface.


K: The orbiter.


H: It has lasted five times longer than they expected it to last.


K: That is amazing.


H: And it has been amazing because as we have found out more stuff, we've been able to focus on areas of mars and do research like on those streaks of water that we recently identified.


K: Is that how we got those images? 


H: That is how we got those images.


K: From the orbiter? Oh good.


H: So if we did not have-- if it did not last as long as it did we would not have been able to do that research and we would not know that there was liquid water on the surface of Mars sometimes for brief amounts of time.


K: Fascinating.


H: Fascinating. Thank you--


K: Good work Mars orbiter!


H: Thank you to all the project scientists at the MRO team, thank you to the orbiter itself which is obviously--


K: Does it have a name?


H: The MRO, the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter.


K: Just a-- Just MRO


H: No it doesn't get a name like Curiosity or Opportunity, Spirit...


K: Can we call it Fred?


H: Sure. Call it Sparks.


K: Good work Sparks.


H: Sparks is good. Nah, Sparks is kinda bad, you don't want an orbiter to spark, in space.


K: No.


H: It has also given us a much better look at the surface of Mars so--


K: Croach.


H: Croach, yeah. Croach, the orbiter, has also given us a much better look at the surface of Mars so we can better plan missions to Mars and had a better ability to land in the places that we wanted to land safely, which we did with Curiosity. So thank you to the Mars Orbiter for your ten years of service, and all the people on those teams.


K: And congratulations on your service.


H: Well done. What did we learn today, Katherine?


 Outro(1:01:33)


K: Oh boy, is it that time already?


H: We did.


K: I just deleted all my notes.


H: [laughs] "Forgot about that part of the podcast!"


K: [bleep] [giggling] Oh [bleep]. Well Hank we learned that it's OK to have anxiety about driving, but if you gotta learn to do it you gotta do it.


H: You gotta do it, that is the only way to be less anxious about the things that you do, and that goes for... pretty much everything.


K: Pretty much everything. Yep


H: We learned that your dog or cat hates it when you touch them.


K: oh!


H: But they have no way of knowing, but they are just so stalwart...


K: They are good at just dealing with it.


H: ...and good with dealing with it. I don't know


K: If they didn't like it they would leave.


H: That true. That true,


K: That's what i always tell my cat.


H: If you don't like it...


K: if I'm bothering her then like...


H: Then leave


K: You can just go away!


H : Then leave.


K: So yes, cats and dogs. They find us to be sacks of flesh but they don't mind.


H: They don't mind! We also learned that sesame seeds are from the devil.


K: They're from the devil! Sesame seeds... who needs them?


H: Just sprinkle them in the fire... in the fire and brimstone, sesame seeds. I love, honestly it is one of the things I miss the most. I do love sesame seeds and sesame flavoured things but I just, you can't taste them so why? Why? If you're going to use a sesame seed, put them in like a sesame stick that tastes like sesame.


K: Yep. Poor sesame seeds. Poor Hank.


H: Poor me!


K: Poor Hank! We learned that sometimes you'll want to do petty things to pay your sister back for eating the cheesy pizza but you probably shouldn't just go and squeeze her fruit and unfold all of her laundry.


H: You should just let it go. Katherine does not look committed to this line of thought. She said it but her eyes did not agree. We learned, the last thing we learned is that my wife is a little bit vindictive. She doesn't and I probably should put my cups away.


K: Don't cross me!


H: I should probably put my cups away you guys. Thank you for listening to this episode of Dear Hank and Katherine!


K: and also sometimes Dear John and Hank and Dear Hank and John.


H: Yeah. 


K: It has been  a great time having you with us. If you have questions, you can send them to Dear Hank and John... Dear...


H: Nope.


K: Dear...


H: Nope.


K: Hank and John! just plain HankandJohn@gmail.com


H: There you go. We're also on twitter, John is @johngreen, I am @hankgreen, do you want to tell people what your twitter is?


K: No.


H: [laughs]


K: Don't follow me on social media, I say nothing interesting.


H: And you can send them to us on Patreon and on SoundCloud.


K: Thanks for your Patreon support.


H: Thanks for your Patreon support, it is much appreciated by our editor who is Nicholas Jenkins, our intern who is Claudia Morales, our theme music is by Gunnarolla, and as they say in our hometown:


Both: Don't forget to be awesome.