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Duration:03:33
Uploaded:2013-07-02
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In which secret sister Rosianna (http://youtube.com/rosianna) breaks down her role as John Green's assistant and gives a tour of the London office. She obvs forgot to mention tweeting in parentheses on John's twitter.

You can also find her here:
http://twitter.com/papertimelady
http://society6.com/rosianna
http://hermionejg.tumblr.com

The Perks of Being John's Assistant
Rosianna: Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday. Hi everyone else, I'm Rosianna, I'm John's assistant, and I'm also John and Hank's secret London sister as of way back when.

So Hank, when people find out that I'm John's assistant, especially because I live so far away in London, the number one question they ask is, "So, what is it that you do?" Today I'm going to endeavor to answer this question, but first I'm going to give a little bit of an office tour because we've seen your office in Missoula, Hank, and we've also seen John's office in Indianapolis (that's a really hard phrase to say - "office in Indianapolis").

So, without further ado, this is my office. [shot of bed with stuffed toys and laptop] This is my view. [shot of "Revolutionary Road" poster] These are the wild animals I can see from my office. [shots of lion on poster and teddy on bed] This is the foliage I can see from my office. [shot of a couple flowers in a vase] And these are the trees. [shots of many many books]

As for the job itself, a large part of my role is scheduling, which is lucky because I am awesome at it. Through the combined wonder of Craigslist, shared calendars on Gmail, and Skype credit, I'm able to coordinate someone to come in and organize John's "Pizza John" shirts by hues. Very important that they're in rainbow order.


John: God I love rainbows.



I also get someone to come in and sit in John's car seat to warm it up for about 15 minutes every time before he wants to take the car out.

I would say I spend about half my time here in the London office and I commute about three days a week to Indianapolis. The hardest part about this is probably the, I don't know, say, eight hours or so that I'm over the Atlantic Ocean without any internet. This is particularly difficult for doing my job, especially because John often calls me quite casually throughout the day to do things like look up words in the dictionary for him (not necessarily for his next book, just to complete a crossword - he says it's not cheating if he asks me). But on the upside, my air miles are awesome, and the crew at Virgin Atlantic really know how to make an amazing gin and tonic.

Another key part of my role is security testing. I feel like I'm kind of a pro at this because I've seen every episode of Homeland at least six times. I also remember everything that Nancy McNally - oh, that just fell down - has ever said. Okay, well now... yeah, well done, Rosianna. So just like the NSA, I do spend a lot of time hacking into John's personal accounts online, just to double check all the security levels, and then I also change all the passwords every, like, three hours. When John takes us to DFTBA con 4, I change that to changing the passwords every 15 minutes, just to be super safe.

But otherwise, my assistance should be pretty normal; standard stuff for the role, like washing and blow drying John's used tissues so that he can reuse them in the name of sustainability, and also ghostwriting fan-mail from John to Steven Gerrard, and by "fan-mail" I mean "love letters". Out of all my roles, this is the hardest for me because I am a die hard West Ham United fan. I have been known to slip a few references to Bubbles into these love letters. I would admit that Steven Gerrard is a very talented player for Liverpool Football Club, and even a little bit handsome, but I do always feel like I am betraying my beloved [Kenny] Irons. But I suppose they gave us carols, so there you go.

Some of the recent projects I've undertaken in my spare time include building up Henry and Alice's library for the next 15 to 18 years, taking them from The Jolly Postman right up to The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Another thing I'm doing is overseeing the construction of an exact replica of the Globe Theater in John's back garden, mainly so his kids can see Shakespeare as everyone was supposed to see Shakespeare: standing up.

Other priorities include building up John's Lauren Conrad gif collection with a smidge of Benedict Cumberbatch and the adolescent wolf program, just to keep everyone happy.

Jokes aside, it is honestly the best job I've ever had, it's really cool getting to work with you guys. It's really bananas thinking and looking back at me in 2006 (I used to read John's blog -- his very static blog) and 2007 me (who was addicted to Brotherhood 2.0), because the tools I use now without even thinking about it to do my job just weren't really possible then. Skype out and shared calendars, on-star emails that tell me that it's time for John to put more air in his tires, which he spells with an I, which is weird. [text on screen: "TYRES! TYRES! TYRES! TYRES! TYRES! TYRES! TYRES!"]

So basically what I'm saying, Hank, is that we're living in the future and I'm loving it. Thanks for being awesome, everyone, and Hank I will see you on Friday. Bye! [waves]