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Uploaded:2013-05-07
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In which John takes you on a Cribs-style visit to the Indianapolis headquarters of Crash Course, mental_floss, and the Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers. LINKS TO THESE THINGS: http://www.youtube.com/crashcourse, http://www.youtube.com/mentalflossvideo http://www.youtube.com/hankgames

Also discussed is my forthcoming baby.
[John] Good morning, Hank; it's Tuesday.

It's "Take Your Brother To Work" Day! Oh, look! There you are, right in the entryway!

So you walk in, first thing you see is the Crash Course posters, and some foreign editions of The Fault in Our Stars, and then you see Danica's Mac, with its wiggly eyes. And Danica herself! Hi Danica! (This area is for the visitors we don't have.) Danica works on Crash Course - she does all the chalkboard drawings that are so excellent, and also the mental_floss set.

Then you come to our printer room, where Will Wheaton and Felicia Day have the place of honor, and then you spin around, and look, oh it's Meredith! Who doesn't want to be on TV today. Meredith writes for mental_floss but more importantly is the CEO of the Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers.
And then we come to my office. Oh, hi there, Buster Scared-of-sheep. This is my couch, this is the La-Z-Boy where I've written at least parts of every single one of my books, and this is my treadmill desk, where I've taken 360 whole steps today! Oh, and what? A signed Pelé jersey that says, "To J. Green, DFTBA, Good luck, Pelé", what?

This is the television where the Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers come to life, and this is a painting by Sarah.

So, Hank, before Sarah and I started dating, I actually bought that painting from her, and then, months later, when she came over to my apartment for the first time, while we were dating, I was like, "Oh, look, I framed your beautiful painting!" and she said, "Yeah, that's upside-down."

Sometimes people ask me for romantic advice. My advice? Hang your future girlfriend's painting right-side up, for God's sakes!

I was thinking of all my foreign editions of The Fault in Our Stars here, like Das Schicksal ist ein mieser Verräter, Förr eller senare exploderar jag, Faen ta sklebnen, Tähtiin kirjoitettu virhe! Then, of course, there's Gwiazd naszych wina, Nos étoiles contraires - I actually took French - and the ones I have no idea of even pretending to know how to attempt.

Also in my office, we have Leonardo's Leonardo.

But most importantly, we have this beautiful view of the river, including Canada geese. I used to say Canadian geese, Hank, but then Canadians informed me - politely! - that that was incorrect. "Geese don't have a nationality!" they said, "Thank you for mentioning Canada."

Baby ducks, baby ducks, baby ducks! Duckies...!

And then we go down the hall, and we have the kitchen, featuring artwork by my lovely son Henry Green, as well as posters, available now at dftba.com!

We have to keep all the Clif Bars in here, because mice!

Here is the tiger who does all the dishes; thanks, tiger!

This is apparently the jar where we keep all the action figures, you know, so they don't get out and wreak havoc.

This is the room where we shoot mental_floss, where Stan and Mark also work. There's the mental_floss set. Mark's the producer and director of the mental_floss channel; say hi, Mark.

[Mark] Hi, Mark!

[John] And Stan, of course, is working on Crash Course, as he always is.

[Stan] Hi. (pause) Stan.

[John] Since this is an episode of Cribs, I gotta to show you what's in our fridge. Mostly soda. And some beer. And apples! Good job, everybody! Also, Hank, I have a theory that you'll find mustard in any refrigerator, and sure enough, even though we have nothing to mustard, mustard.

So Hank, I wanted you to see the office, because 1. you showed me yours, and 2. I wanted you to be able to meet all of the nice people who actually make Crash Course and mental_floss and the Swoodilypoopers happen. This is particularly important, because soon, I will be on paternity leave, but the things that we make here will continue to be made, even though I will not be in the office.

By the way, I just noticed that I... the pizza me and red, white... hm, yeah.

I'm going to go down here by the thing that isn't a moustache. So Hank, the Yeti's due to have a baby on June 1st, but it might happen earlier, because you know, that's -- that's the way with babies.

So hopefully you'll see my next Tuesday, but I will definitely see you on Friday. DFTBA.