Lindsey: I'm Dr. Lindsey Doe, Clinical Sexologist and host of this sex-curious show, Sexplanations. Today's episode is all about fingering, and it's sponsored by Adam & Eve, who has supported this channel since I talked about cock rings in 2015.

Past Lindsey: Find something fun to play with that's non-toxic and makes a great fashion statement for your wiener!

Lindsey: This is a sketch of a finger. Each unique finger is made up of bones, fat, nerves, and skin that create a bendable appendage used to sense and manipulate what it touches. The parts of a finger, identified here as knuckles, like this and this, the nail, fingertip, and then the base, which attaches to the palm.

Using these parts to sexually gratify a vagina or an anus is called fingering. The pinky is good for teasing, the pointer often has the most dexterity, middle usually has the longest reach, the ring and middle finger can stroke together for a fuller feeling, or the middle and the pointer can do a come hither motion known to elicit squirting.

With the pinky in the anus and the thumb on the clit, it's a shocker. Two thumbs up may feel the most like a penis because of the shape. Multiple hands make air quotes. A whole hand gets us into fisting. Two fingers and a fist is a minivan, because there's seven passengers, and then two fists is a prayer. Finish the video before you do any of this.

This is a sketch of a vulva. Like fingers, all vulvas are unique. Are? Are? Are unique. Are unique. There we go. They have unique appearances, smells, tastes, feels, and preferences. Most have two sets of labia, or lips - the outer ones that are from the same embryonic tissue as the scrotum and the inner lips that are like the shaft skin of a penis. They meet like the hood at the top, and they cover with foreskin all or part of the clitoris head.

The clitoris can be highly sensitive, painfully sensitive if touched directly. Here's a video all about that. You may instead stimulate the vestibule - that's like a porch - which surrounds multiple holes, mainly the meatus, where urine exits, and the vagina, where fluid and most things put into them come out.

Inside the vagina, the walls are like your inner cheeks - mostly smooth and wet. What some call the G-spot is located about a knuckle-length in on the anterior wall. At the end of the vaginal canal is a sensitive organ called the cervix. Best not to hit it with claws unless asked. Then, there's the anus, which can also be fingered, like this video describes, so today I'm going to focus on fingering the cunt, keeping in mind that the best teacher in this situation is your partner. Improving can be as simple as asking this person to show you how to do it or tell you what they like and don't like.

How to have digital vaginal sex depends on you and your partners, regardless of what I teach. Attend to the desires of all of you first. Maybe they don't like penetration, so you stay on the outside. Maybe you don't have fingers, so you adapt with toys, your mouth. Be each other's teachers.

Here's how I would do it, though: my ideal fingering. First, the ambience: someplace quiet enough or bright enough that you can recognize the difference between a moan of glory and a moan of not glory. Someplace that's not too hot or too cold. It's comfortable, and you can easily reach anatomy. I like these positions: easy access, cozy, bubbling hot sex cauldron. This position feels like a pelvic exam.

Next, with enough room and permission to touch, I suggest starting on the outside of the clothes, moving from the legs to the hips to the vulva, and just stay there, cupping the genitals, fingers pointed down or up, doesn't matter. The goal is to keep your hand in place like a polite guest in your partner's crotch. You're saying, "Hi, I'm here. I'm not a threat. I care about your body, and I want you to feel fucking amazing." You can actually say these things or cuddle and make out while cupping more, at least for a few minutes.

This video talks about arousal patterns and the needs of various bodies to get excited and prepped for sex. This video talks all about the power of consensual touch, how it reduces stress and increases a sense of trust. Basically, this warm sex mitten pressing solidly on their groin with occasional circular rubbing and squeezing draws blood into the genitals, building excitement, lubrication, and connection. Be slow, intentional, and patient as the vulva swells beneath it. There are times to finger fuck, finger blast, finger bang, but when you want to deliver high quality, unforgettable sex, maybe slow down, like setting the needle on a record slow, painting the trim slow, petting a cat slow.

Next, you might lightly trace the access point of their clothes. If it's pants, that's the waist; if they're in overalls, the armpits; a skirt or dress, the bottom hem. Show that you know how to get in, and you're going to wait, because permission is important to you. If they signal for you to proceed, maybe by thrusting toward your hand or begging, do some windshield wiper strokes to see how much room you have for your hand to slide in, or ask to remove clothes. "Can I take these off you?" "Do you wanna take this off for me?" 

If it's a verbal or nonverbal "yes," give yourself as much room as you can. I'm excited. Are you excited? Yes? Then clean your hands. It's the top Twitter recommendation. As my friend Jon puts it, "Stick your dirty shit in there, and you can break it. Be careful." The vagina is acidic, and it can kill a lot, but it shouldn't have to, and it's not sexy or pleasurable being preoccupied by thoughts of a possible infection capable of taking my sex life down for two weeks.

Please scrub off the germs - hot water, soap, pandemic precaution-style. Wash the jalapeño oils off and groom those precious pleasure digits of yours, and/or wear gloves. This smooths out edges and blocks germs, plus it's a cool sensation you can get creative with. Mm-hmm!

Adam & Eve gave me this pocket pussy to demonstrate. I added some color so that it's easier to follow along. Reminder: all vulvas are unique. My friend Jamie says, "It's like cracking the Da Vinci code every time," so this is a suggestion, not a prescription.

Run your fingers through their pubic hair, over their bare mons - that's the skin covering the pubic bone up top - with intention and presence. No more than six strokes on the same spot to avoid irritating the skin, but don't rush off to the next move, either. Stay on the outside, conveying how much the whole vulva matters, and wander with your fingers to the shaft of the clit.

It will feel kind of like a tendon. Stay slow and soft. Long, broad strokes with the fingertips, not the fingernails. Jamie, the Dr. Langden of fingering, says that circular motions are a great starting place, and you can experiment from there. The circular motion covers 360 degrees, so if the shaft is on a clock, and the person likes 3:00 to 9:00 or 4:00 to 12:00, you can cover those areas in the rotation. 

Fingering is not about confidence or accolades you've received in the past. It's about hearing in the moment what works and what doesn't. Like the game hotter, colder, you're trying to find out what feels good by reading cues and listening to directions. If you wanna penetrate, find a stable way to keep contact, massaging the foreskin over the clit, that's not too clumsy, and then simultaneously separate the labia.

Trace each lip gently, slide the fingers where they're invited - vestibule caressing, labia tugging, spreading, tickling, finger kissing, light pinching, and multi-fingering. Multi-fingering! If you have two hands, then you could do nipples, clit, breast cupping, mons massage, labia, butt grab, clit, G-spot. Fingering doesn't have to be a one-digit operation. In fact, if you do, sometimes it feels like a poke.

Another trick is to move lubricant from just inside the vulva, the vagina, up so that you have more fluid motion of the foreskin with the clit. You can also hold the canvas like this, like this. Hold the vulva with your outside fingers, putting the inside fingers, mm, around. You can do one of these, where you're kind of squeezing from the top and the bottom, rubbing on the G-Spot, which is in that upper, mm, knuckle space.

Feels kind of like corduroy, wet corduroy. Different, feels different. It's easier to find when the person's turned on, and you can actually put serious pressure onto the G-spot, unlike, you know, smashing the clit. Maybe don't do that. Mm, I need lube. (soft laser gun vocalizations)

Here's another thing: If your partner has their hand on the clit here, and they're like (high-pitched vocalization), you don't have to match that with your finger strokes inside. You can do a steady fucking here while they are high-vibrating their clit. 

Advanced suggestion: Using candlelight, ask to see your partner's body. Ask for a tour. Explore. Fall in love with their own unique vulva. How far does the hood retract? How far down is the meatus? What kind of hymen do they have? How short is the perineum, the space between the vulva and the anus? Study it. 

Fingering mistakes: Number one is thinking that a technique will make you good. Number two, not using your resources, like, say, your partner's hand. Number three is thinking that you have to go as fast as they rub their clit, because, like I said, this and this can be two separate rhythms and may need to be.

Another fingering mistake, number four, is doing something that you don't want to do. If you don't want to finger someone, or you're not willing to, it's okay to suggest another activity. Can I hold you while you masturbate? How do you feel about using a toy while I moan in your ear? Game for dry humping? Whatever your reason - paper cut, unrealistic fear of vagina dentata, not wanting pussy on your fingers - just because you now have more fingering knowledge doesn't mean you have to use it. But please, stay curious.

You can get this sleeve without the coloring, or this one, Clone-A-Pussy, and make one of your own vulva to share with your friends, at AdamAndEve.com, and if you use the promo code DOE, my last name, D-O-E, you can get 50% off an eligible item - this one, not this one - and free shipping on your order to the US and Canada. Oh, and you can get extra molding powder.

This is the last collab I'm doing with Adam & Eve. I'm kind of emotional. The channel's about to end, and I hope that you continue to use the promo code and support them supporting sex education for a long time. Use it again and again and again, DOE, DOE, DOE, DOE, DOE, DOE, DOE. Get it, get it.