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"What is frosted cake?" and many other sex questions answered by Dr. Lindsey Doe, clinical sexologist and host of this sex curious show Sexplanations.
Here are links to all the videos I mentioned in this episode:
Unrequited Love
How to Get the Sex You Want
Period Products
Sex & Alcohol
Does the Hymen Have to Break?
Hank Green on Monogamy

Here is a link to our podcast:

Want Will Won't Poster

Dr. Doe's contact info:
Support Sexplanations by becoming a sexpla(i)naut:
In no particular order, here are some of your sex questions and my short answers to them. [WHIP CRACKING, COUGH].

What is frosted cake? Sexually it refers to ejaculating semen on the buttocks, usually after anal sex, then smearing it all around like you're frosting a butt cake.

How do you anal douche in college with only public bathrooms? Many colleges have single occupancy restrooms, so you can bring your gear, lock the door, and do your thing. Although don't feel like you have to douche.

Is it okay that I'm attracted to one type of person and that it happens to be someone totally opposite physically of me? Yes. What is romantic attraction?

I like this definition from "Romantic attraction, the urge to have a relationship with someone, is connected to but separate from sexual attraction, the urge to engage in sexual intimacy with someone." Could romantic attraction exist between two heterosexual people of the same gender? Yes, and then they might identify as heterosexual and homo, bi, or panromantic. How can I convince myself that he's just a good friend and nothing more?

I mean, it sounds like he is more to you but that your relationship dynamic is strictly friends, so be gentle with yourself. Journal, exercise, study a new language, play Tinder if you're old enough, and watch this video on unrequited love. How do I negotiate sexual relationships with allosexual people when I'm an asexual person?

Allosexual people: you experience sexual attraction. Asexual: you don't. For the sexual relationship, create a Want Will Won't list.

One for sexually-oriented activities, one for opening up the relationship, one for romance, etc. Health-wise, are pads or tampons better? Reusable pads or underwear and menstrual cups which are better for your body and the environment.

Is there a way for me to no longer desire anal sex? Yeah! Learn about "trunk butt." Can one change their sexual "triggers"?

You can certainly make attempts but the result is something you may not be able to control. I seem to be able to only come when I'm high. Is that a problem?

It might be if you want to be able to come when you're not high. Biologically speaking, would drunk sex feel better than sober sex? Depends on the participants, the context, and the intent.

My thoughts on drunk sex are in this video. How does one move on sexually after a rape? Lots of reminders that sex is not rape.

If you use a condom while doing oral or anal at a glory hole, what would you still be at risk for? HPV/warts, herpes, lice, molluscum contagiosum, syphilis. Is there any treatment or cure or anything I can do to avoid spreading HPV?

In most cases your immune system will wipe it out in a couple of years. In the meantime you can talk to your partners about the HPV vaccination, minimize skin-to-skin contact, troubleshoot with your medical provider, and wear protection which isn't 100% effective but does lower risk. How do you cope with a positive STI diagnosis?

Everyone copes differently. Sublimation, like cleaning the house. Reaction formation (laughing when you're sad).

Regression (acting like a child). I heal by talking to other people and taking good care of myself. Most people have had an STI, just like most people have had a runny nose.

We all get sick. It's what you do about it that matters. How do I tell my ex that he gave me chlamydia? "Hey, just a quick text to let you know that I got tested for STIs and came back positive for chlamydia." Nothing else needs to be said.

No need to shame him or caution him or manipulate his actions. Recently I've noticed that my labia majora seem... well, much wrinklier and floppier than usual. Do you think this could have to do with weight loss?

Yes. And aging and gravity and human growth and development and your level of hydration. Could you do a video talking about different types of hymen?

Tada! I made you a video about different types of hymen. And like the other videos, the link is in the description.

Do you think that people are naturally inclined to be monogamous or polyamorous? Yes! And some other options because nature seems really non-binary.

Does my partner have a right to know about the abusive aspect of my last intimate relationship? Your past is yours to keep private and/or share. For me, privacy is healthy.

Keeping secrets or lying isn't. How do I start or open a conversation about it? "I don't know if it matters to you, but it may be helpful to know that I've been sexually abused. These are the things that are triggering to me.

I'll let you know if something comes up by [example] grabbing your wrist." How can you get your sex partner to respect you? Model what that looks like by respecting yourself. I do this by talking nicely about myself, exercising, eating well, laughing, spending time with friends, and growing as an independent person.

Basically you set the standard for what respect looks like and you let the other person decide whether or not they can or want to follow suit. More relationships in this video. How do you keep your sexual partner?

Keep? You can't, so your best bet is to have fun being your most true self so that regardless of who comes or goes in your life, you still have great company. Stay curious!

And subscribe and like and share and if you can please support us on For more candid conversations about sex, there's also the Sexplanations podcast. In my favorite episode, I talk about consent and happiness with my eldest daughter.