My name is John Green and I do not shoot first. The rules here are simple: I play Fortnite as a pacifist and I believe that I can win. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not ever. I don't really believe that I can win.

I'm going to Tomato Town because that's where I wanna go. Is anybody else coming to Tomato Town? Anybody? Anybody? Oh god, that person is. That person looks violent. They've got a weird--oh no, Meradith. I'm going to this house. I'm going to this house. I'm gonna get in and out as quickly as I can.

There's been a big upgrade in my ability to play Fortnite even though I don't have my child labor here because they're, you know, back in school. And that big upgrade is that now I can hear. I have headphones on. So now I know when I'm being shot at. Which doesn't necessarily make anything better. It just means that I'll panic earlier.

Okay. I'm gonna search this chest. Okay. There's the bandages that I needed. And there is a terrible gun. And there is a pump shotgun. And now I just--Meradith, that's great. I have what I need. I need to get out of here and get into a bush.

Am I in the circle? I gotta get out of here and get into a bush. The circle has not yet formed. I'm not in the circle but I'm close to it. Alright, I'm gonna go up here.

Okay. I'm just gonna run until I get to the circle and then I'm gonna get into a bush. It's my way of playing the game. Oh no. That's a big drop. I don't have the kind of courage nescessary for that particular drop.

I guess I'm just gonna run along the river (which is dangerous) until I get to the circle. Okay. Alright. Nobody see me. I'm just running along the river. I haven't heard any gun shots yet. I don't hear any footsteps. I'm just gonna run along the river until I get into the circle and then I'm immediately, immediately, the moment I get to the circle, I'm going--okay.

I'm going to run--okay. Okay. I'm going up here. I'm going up here and I'm gonna get into a bush as quickly as I can. I'm almost already in the top half, Meradith. There's been so much carnage here in the opening two minutes of the game. It's been an absolute nightmare.

Oh god! Don't shoot me, I'm just a person. I wanna live. Oh no! I wanna live! I wanna live! Meradith, he's my friend.

I wanna live. Don't hit me! No no no no no! No!

I had to do it, sir! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! Oh god! I'm so sorry! I did it. I had to do it. You didn't give me a choice. I didn't want to, I'm so sorry! Oh god. Oh.

Meradith, he wished me ill. He was harming me on purpose. He was hurting me on purpose. I just--I wanted to be friends. I thought we were gonna be buddies.

Oh god. Oh. Oh, it's terrible. Oh, I'm sick to my stomach. I had to do it, though. He was gonna kill me! He was trying to kill me. I had to do it, right? Didn't I? I don't know.

Oh god. Oh god. Alright, I'm in the top thirty-eight and I'm in a bush and I'm a murderer. I've killed a person. Am I a murderer or am I a person who acted in self-defense?

I mean, I could have run from him. I was trying to run from him! But then I turned back because I thought maybe he was gonna be an ally. I thought maybe he was also a pacifist playing Fortnite and I wanted to--oh, I don't know.

I thought that we could be buddies. I thought that we could be on the same team. I thought that we could maybe--I was dreaming of a world in which we were gonna find bushes together. You can see in the distance people shooting each other, trying to murder each other. The relentless cycle of violence that I now participate in because I couldn't--I couldn't stop--I just--he wanted--

he did hurt me! I was down to 30 health! I feel like I had to do it but at the same time I feel horrible so I'm conflicted. That was an awful experience. I can't recommend playing Fortnite that way. That's horrible.

Lots of people are going to criticize my shooting but I was panicked! I mean, you know, I felt like I was gonna die. And so how do you stop to aim when you got that much adrenaline running through your body?

The circle's gonna close for the next three minutes. I think--look, obviously I'm not proud of the way that that happened, but I think the real villian here continues to be Epic Games who forced me to chose between dying myself and killing that nice, extremely inexperienced Fortnite player. And I made my choices and I feel weird about it.

And you know what? I'm not sure that I can--I don't know. I'm gonna have to sort through some emotions before I know for sure whether I can ever shoot my gun in anger again in Fortnite, because that--ugh! It's horrible! What a terrible thing to do to someone!

Now that person--they had to hit b to leave the game and they had to hit y to start a new game and it just takes forever. I know because I die in Fortnite all the time. I am in the top 28, though. So.

There's still some building going on in the distance there. That guy seems to be alive. That's a source of some concern for me because almost all the ways that the circle can go involve me having to run in that direction.

I'm kinda looking--just in case the circle's reasonably close, I think straight up there there's a bush that I could maybe get myself into. But then I would have to run across that big open field and I still think there's a guy who's alive in there, so we're just gonna have to wait and see where the--we'll just have to wait and see, you know?

I'm trying to work my way through some anxiety and some negative feelings that I have about my--well, the murder--I don't know if it was a murder. The killing? The death?

The whatever. What do you call it?

I mean, I was acting in self defence. He was trying to kill me. He took me down to 35 health. Ugh, but I mean--ugh. Sorry, I had to have a little Diet Dr. Pepper to calm my nerves. Really difficult.

Okay, we're in the top quarter now, so I mean, that's good at least. What if this is--Meradith, what if this is the way I win Fortnite? By murdering someone in--of course I'm gonna say it was self defence. I feel like it was self defence. But ultimately it's gonna be up to the viewers, and indeed, you know, the judges both on Earth and in the next life to decide how I've behaved in this respect and every other.

So, anyway, we've got 35 seconds left until we find out whether I'm close to the circle. You can see here it's a big circle and it's perfectly possible that I'm gonna have to make my way--I heard movement. I hear movement. Okay.

It's perfectly possible I'm gonna have to make my way down to lucky landings which is intimidating enough. There you can see the storm is coming, my friends. It's coming for us. It's gonna be--I hope I don't have to go down to lucky landings.

Just put the circle up here. I mean, I don't even know if I wanna win this game now that I'm a murderer. But yes, I do. I do wanna win it. I wanna win it if nothing else for that poor soul I killed. Ugh. It's not great.

Okay. It could be worse. I've gotta go around dusty divot. I wanna go--I really wanna go, like, there. Right over there. Okay. If I wanna go around dusty divot--yeah, I'm gonna walk this way. And I'm just gonna--I'm gonna go. I'm just gonna cook.

Okay, big money, no whammies. Just gotta hope that there's nobody out here on the edge of the storm with me. I just gotta try to make my way in peace. I don't even have a gun out. I wanna be clear that even though I did murder someone in this particular episode, I'm not a violent person. I just- well I didn't know.

I'm just gonna stop in this bush because I'm panicked. Okay there's a house there, uh, and we're really- we're actually quite close to the circle now. So, oh god. Okay so there's a house right there. There could be somebody in that house, but probably not at this point. There's only 17 people left. So I think if I go around- alright. 

I think if I go around- mmm. I wonder if that bush is in. I hope that bush is in. If that bush is in, it's a really good spot for me. I hear rustling, but I can't tell if it's rustling leaves. Is this bush in? Doesn't look great. Bush is not in. But it's a nice place to hang out just for a minute and cover my cool a little bit, see what's going on. See if I can-

There has been building there, but it doesn't look like it's been recent. I'm gonna have to go around. There's no way to get around this. I've gotta go around this whole big area, and then just hope that there's a bush right around this corner. 

Oh god! Was that for me? Were you shooting at me? I'm just a person. I wanna live. It's not a great bush, but it's the bush I'm in right now. Okay so I'm in a bush that's not a great bush and there's a lot of shooting that's going on around me and people can see my head, uhh, but only if they look I guess. And so I'm just trying to comfort myself that maybe the person who's doing that really loud shooting does not- doesn't wish me ill. Maybe they're just firing warning shots of some kind? 

I can see another bush that's straight up ahead that's probably- oh my god. Oh my god. What's going down? Great acts of tremendous violence.

Oh my goodness gracious. Okay. Okay. I'm just- it's not an ideal bush, is it? I mean my head is very visible. I mean this is not an end game bush, you know what I mean? Like I can't- this can't be the bush that I'm in when the storm comes for us at the end, because I will definitely get spotted. 

Alright, I'm gonna- mmm I don't know. Meredith, I'm gonna go now. I'm gonna go to- I'm gonna try to go to this bush now. Just gonna run. I can see it in the distance, and it does- it looks good. It looks like-

Please. Please don't be shooting at me. I assume that if they were shooting at me, I'd be dead. So please please please be a good bush. Please be a good bush. Please be a good bush. Oh, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's really quite excellent. It's not perfect. It's not the best one I've ever seen. But it's a good bush for a bush bandit like myself. Full time bush camper. A bush-baka. Resident of Bushville.

Here we go. Oh no!  Oh god. Okay. Alright, I'm down to- it's me and eight other people. And I've gotta run, which is never good. It's never good when there's only eight other people, or now seven other people, and you've gotta run. On the upside, I do get to run through those trees. On the downside, I have to run quite a distance to get in the neighborhood of Salty Srings, and I'm-

Okay, what I'm gonna do- I don't know if this is the right call. I don't think there's anybody behind me, because I think I would- I think they would've already seen me. I don't think there's anybody up there. So I think that if I just wait until the last second, I've got a pretty good chance. There's only six other people now, other than me.

I think- where are they all? I mean that's the thing, like it's just gonna be in a big open space. It's not gonna be good for me. I'm gonna wait until one minute, and then I'm gonna go. It's me and six other people. 

I'm a murderer. I feel lost and alone. I'm probably in the last seconds of my life. Here we go. Okay. 

Just run straight, John. Just run straight. Don't pause and look at the flowers, even though they are really beautiful. Just run straight, and just hope that-

Well. Good job, rafaxxdd. I hope you're proud of yourself. You killed me. I was a person! I lived, you know. 

Thanks for watching. Best wishes.