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In which Hank explores the bowels of the Aperture Science facility.
Hello and welcome to Hank Green plays Portal. Last time I was falling with a potato down a pit. And now I am four thousand meters below the surface of the Earth, and this pigeon is eating the potato. That was way too heavy a load for a pigeon, y'know? I know the load bearing capabilities of swallows of all sorts and pigeons.

(0:30) So now, oh my God. How is this - how is anything down here? That looks like a piece of GLaDOS, or something. Okay, well, I am fascinated by the size of this place. But just, just goin'. Just goin'. Trying to get from point A to point B and I don't even know where either of those places are. That is a big... this is a bunch of - and the lights are still on! Which is bizarre. Impossible.

(1:15) Yeah, you know I can portal. I'm portaling like crazy! Okay. What the frick. Should I jump down? Looks like I should. That's just how it looked to me. This doesn't seem to have done me any good at all, actually, now that I, now that I think of it. You never know though. You don't know until you try. Right? Right. Um. Maybe I should've gone, I should've. I should've gone this way.

(1:52) Keep out. Do not enter, do not enter. Condemned testing area, do not enter, keep out. Condemned, vitrification order 1961. Do not look at, touch, ingest, engage in conversation with any substances beyond this p - sorry beyond this point.

(2:13) This enrichment shaft may contain unsafe quantities of cosmic ray spallation elements. Well, this definitely seems like a place that I'm going to go inside of, doesn't it? Zooming in and out. Cosmic ray spallation elements. Got this. That would take me all the way back, which I don't want to do.

(2:49) Nope. So I assume- I mean just- just by the- Just from what I can see this is clearly where I want to go. Right? Seem that way to you? Seems that way to me. But, uh, having a hard time finding where- how to get- get through there.

(3:17) Can I open the door? Haven't tried that. Nope. (laughing) You should always try opening the door! That's Dungeons and Dragons, uh, lesson number one: always twist the knob. My goodness! Okay, okay. Well, there's a - there's something up there. I don't know what that's gonna do for me, but it's something. Something, at least. Something is better than nothing.

(3:48) Can I see something to portal into now? I'm up- there's gotta be a reason I'm up here, y'know? There's gotta be. Aha! Aha! Excellent. Hello. Keep out. And, now I'm going there. Warning, cosmic ray spallation. Y'know? Oh that's where I- that's where I came from- that's where I was before.

(4:25) So- so, I have to question, why, why, why am I doing this? Y'know? Why? Just, why? Seems, y'know, pretty obvious what they want me to do here, which is not go deeper inside. But I guess, y'know, moving forward is better than the alternative which is just, uh, laying down and dying, and that's not th- apparently not the person that I- kind of person that I am. Never will be that kind of person as Chell. Maybe in real life I would be that kind of person, but not as Chell!

(5:02) So I've got pull lever. That opens that gate. Good. And now I see the giant- that is- that is the traditional, uh, portal. That is what a portal used to be. That is your traditional, regular old, portal. So let's get over there, see what- what there is to see. Wow, awesome! Four, three, two, one. Okay.

(5:37) Hatch reclusion override. So I think we have to both push it at the same time. That would make sense. So, pur-purple? Orange. Not purple. At all. Can I get anywhere over there? Yep. And then, just do my blue right here, and I can go click, and then if my mouse works, I can go click, and oh jeez oh jeez I did it.

(6:13) Where's - where's the best view from? Guess I- no, not very good from here. So I'll just do it from here. Um. Ohhh, it's opening. That's a big o- that's a big thing opening. That is a big thing opening. Lights? Lights? Okay. 

(6:39) Well, I didn't expect that. Um, but, y'know, I didn't know what I did expect, though. I- I thought that it would be a portal, and there would be stuff behind it, and not a big wall. Bu uh- Do not enter, sealed six fifteen nineteen sixty-one. Zulu Bunsen abandonment hatch test shaft nine. Zulu Bunsen.

(7:05) So, a big giant door, and then, uhh, push bar! Why not! Why not a push bar? Oh my goodness. Yes, yes, oh uh admittance to authorized personnel- No! No! Just don't - nobody! Nobody allowed. Okay! No- no one's allowed. Stop! Do not en- condemned keep out do not enter, keep out. And what do I do? I'm a crazy face. I have the crazy face.

(7:36) What's that? I'm gonna push this push bar. Danger. Wow, nice graphic design from the sixties. Yeah. So we- what you're saying is that if I fall in that stuff I'll die. So, I'll keep that in mind. Glad it hasn't- woah, why is things- why are things moving?

(8:01) Okay, things are- things are still breaking! Things are still breaking. Okay, so I'm going to go out here and see what I can see. There's a door there. Says Alpha. Nothing to portal on, though. That thing's still waving around. Lots of domes. Portal on that, so that's good. At least there's some place I can portal. Portal on this, too. Here's another- another little walk, walk-out place here. Walking out.

(8:37) Can I portal in there? No? No. No. Can I go through... there? Door there. Hello, door. Hello. Can I portal in that? I can! Oh, pull lever! I pulled a lever. Oh what did it do? What did the lever pulling do? Why is my mouse- mouse was not working for a second.

(9:04) (Cave Johnson: ...Who's ready to make some science?) (Caroline: I am!) Who's Caroline? Caroline. (Cave Johnson: Caroline...the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science.) Pretty as a postcard, married to science.

(9:50) Okay, that didn't do me any good. (laughing) Aperture Science Innovators. I think I may have had the right idea, though. Maybe if I do that a little lower, to get onto this walkway? I went right over that walkway. Again. Still too high. Still too high.

(10:20) That was the wrong button, so I'm glad I didn't push it. Um. I'm going to see if I can get on this walkway this time, and if not, I'm gonna end the episode here. Still too high! Still too high. Why? Why is it still too high? Um, thank you for watching me play this episode of Hank Green Plays Portal.

(10:41) Ooh, there's something up there. Let's try that. Hoo! Woah! That was really high! That was- that was really high up! I thought I was just gonna, y'know, just walk onto that. Okay, good. that's good. Ho ha hoo! Cheesy! Cheese, cheesy cheese. Is what I just said. Um, this is really high. Does anyone else notice how high up I am?

(11:14) Ah! Hoooah, ja jingo! Dangit! Whatchajingo! Is what I said. Okay, thank your for watching this episode of Hank Green Plays Portal. I enjoy Portal whatchajingo! And, there's an annotation in the top right hand side if you want to click it to watch the rest of these. And, uh, I- I will not see you and you will not see me but you will hear me, next time on Hank Green Plays Portal. Goodbye.