Lizzie: As any of you who watched my last video with Jane already know, I recently had the absolute pleasure of meeting Bing Lee's friend and house guest, William Darcy. "Absolute" isn't the right word... it was more of a grotesque, nauseating, run-the-other-way-as-if-your-life-depended-on-it pleasure.

Darcy is so obnoxious I can't tell if I like Bing Lee now or if he just seems awesome by comparison. Darcy's boring, stuffy, unbelievably rude. He thinks he's too good for us "common folk." But he's HANDSOME and RICH, even richer than Bing Lee! Oh, dilemma, dilemma! But you wanna know what the coup de grâce is? Even my mother hated him.

My name is Lizzie Bennet, and William Darcy is a snob.

[Intro plays]

Lizzie: I just can't properly express what an infuriating douchebag this guy is. Just because you're rich and heir to some kind of entertainment empire does not mean you're better than everyone else! He probably uses his money to lounge around all day in five thousand dollar boxers watching BBC miniseries with people he pays to be his friends since no sane human being could ever actually put up with him. I mean, what does he DO with his life?

I do things with my life! I read... study... I play tennis... I mean, I-I used to play tennis... I have a video blog! 

...Whatever. And since I'm all about the drama... (calls) Lydia!

Lydia [from off screen]: I'm not ready yet!

Lizzie: Oh, come on!

(Lizzie leaves the room, enters Lydia's room across the hall.)

Lizzie: Get your ass out here!

(Jump cut to Lizzie and Lydia back in Lizzie's room, dressed as Darcy and Bing, respectively.) 

Lydia: [as Bing] This dance is super slammin'! So is that Jane Bennet. I wanna bang the sh-(beeped out) outta her.

(Caption: WHAT?)

Lydia: [as Bing] Are there any hot chicks that you'd like to slip your man-banana into, Darcy, my homie?

... 

Lydia: What, that's totally how guys talk!

Lizzie: [as Darcy] This dance is preposterous. I hate dancing. It's a waste of time, like saying nice things to people. Many of these people seem to be enjoying popular music unironically. Besides, none of these girls stand up to my ridiculous standards. 

Lydia: [as Bing] What about Jane's sister Lizzie? I know she's not THAT great-lookin', but you could do worse. I bet she could use a good sexcapade; she probably hasn't gotten laid in years and those are the freaky ones. 

Lizzie: [as Darcy] You found the only pretty girl at this wedding, even if she smiles too much. I dislike smiling; it contorts the face. 

Lydia: [as Bing] Yeah. On second thought, Lizzie Bennet is kind of a dog. No wonder she's perpetually single. You'd be better hooking up with her younger, sexier sister, Lydia. Now she's a catch.

(Jump cut to Lizzie alone in the room, no longer dressed as Darcy.)

Lizzie: So there you have it! William Darcy, total snob, in a somewhat true to life portrayal. 

(Lydia enters room behind Lizzie)

Lydia: 'Cause I'm all about the true to life, bitches! You want the real story, you ask the Ly-dee-yah! (flips hair)

Lizzie: I need more friends.

(Lydia starts posing for the video camera.)

Lizzie: ...and less sisters!

(Lydia continues posing)

Lizzie: What's wrong with you?

[Outro plays]