Good morning, Hank it's-

Wait, who the eff is Hank?

Hank is a sentient android from the Star Trek: The Next Generation universe, who, as any true fan would know, is capable of reproduction because he had a daughter!

Anyway, your video on Monday was one of my favorite Vlogbrothers videos, ever, but I can't believe you got your Star Trek facts wrong!

Right, so it's Tuesday; I'm gonna upload this tomorrow after spending all day flying across the world with a baby, but right now it's Tuesday; it's Question Tuesday, the day that I answer real questions from real Nerdfighters!

"Do you have a vegetable garden?"

Well, this is my backyard at the moment, so, no, unless, are cigarettes vegetables? Because, if so, yes!

"What's up with all the shoes and feet in the foreign editions of your books?"

Are there a lot of shoes and feet in the foreign editions of--? Holy crap, there are a lot of shoes and feet in these foreign editions! I don't know what's up with that!

"Did something happen with 'Let It Snow?'"

Yes, Hank, the movie rights to "Let It Snow" just sold to Paramount, a large movie studio out there in Hollywood. They also own the movie rights to "Looking for Alaska," which they have not yet made, but you never know, maybe they'll make... one of them. Someday.

"Can Henry be in today's video?"

Briefly.

"During your stay, have you learned any Dutch?"

Koninginnedag!

"What are some of the major differences you've noticed between the U.S. and Europe?"

Well, the biggest difference is that in the US, sixty percent of bankruptcies are caused by medical costs, whereas in the Netherlands, zero percent of bankruptcies are caused by medical costs.

"What's the title of your new book?"

It's still not totally decided, believe it or not, so I can't tell you yet, but soon...

"Will you ever restart the Nerdfighter Blurbing Book Club?"

Now, that's an idea. Hank, it's summertime, and you know what that means in Nerdfighteria, it means wearing SPF30 every time you go outside and reading classic American literature for fun!

Hank, I hereby announce that the new book in the Nerdfighter Blurbing Book Club is none other than The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. There's a link to purchase the book in the doobly-doo, although, if you don't live in the United States, it's probably public domain and you can probably download it for free. Regardless, it's cheap.

It's possible you've already read this book, and maybe you even hated it, but that's because you weren't reading it with me! So whether you're reading it for the first time or reading it again, that's our book! Let's read it! The Great Gatsby!

"When are you gonna get Pizza John shirts back in my size?"

Now! Bam! I just did it! dftba.com/pizza! I am here to solve your problems!

"How do I best confront the urge toward Nihilism?"

Well, not that kind of problem. Your smaller problems. You know, pizza shirt related problems.

"What is the name of the hospital you were born in?"

...asked the identity thief.

"Does the Yeti wear DFTBA shirts?"

Yes, but infuriatingly, she refuses to wear a Pizza John shirt because she thinks it's creepy. I don't know what's so creepy about it.

"Never eat pizza again, or never--"

That one! The one where I can still eat pizza!

"What's Hank's punishment?"

Hank, I've chosen the punishment that was most popular in Nerdfighteria, and that is Humpy Hank All Over Town! I don't know why Nerdfighters want to see that, but apparently they do, so that's your punishment. Hump the town.

"What are your thoughts on Tumblr?"

My thoughts? I think it's the number one destination on the internet for images of Paula Deen riding me.

"Do you think benign dictatorships are a good form of government?"

To be honest, I think "benign dictatorship" is a bit of an oxymoron.

"Who's your biggest inspiration?"

You. I know that's cheesy, but it's also the truth. I write books and make videos because I am inspired by you to try to tell you stories that will be interesting and hopefully kind of helpful?

I've seen my own life changed by books, and honestly, there's just no greater inspiration than the opportunity to do that for other people.

"When teachers say 'the author means...' do you really mean those things?"

Yeah, probably, but in my opinion, teachers shouldn't say that because 1. teachers aren't really in the business of reading authors' minds, and 2. and more importantly, what authors mean doesn't really matter, I don't think?

What's important is that critical reading can be a way into thinking quite deeply about questions that are difficult and complicated, and not in some, like, boring and abstract way, like, "Oh, in Moby Dick, white is a symbol for nature's ambivalence to man," but instead in a concrete and totally interesting way, like, "Nature's complete indifference to you as expressed by the color white in Moby Dick is something that you had better get your head around, or else you're going to end up like Captain Ahab!"

So, it's so not much about uncovering secret mysteries for the sake of uncovering secret mysteries; it's about using story as a way into thinking about our actual lives and how we're actually living them. And that's how we're going to try to read The Great Gatsby.

Hank, I'm gonna go pack; I will see you on Friday!