Lizzie: Hi there, Internet. We're being a little sneaky today because I'm hiding from Jane. I know it's weird to hide from your sister-slash-second-bestest-friend-ever. Especially in your own bedroom. But she's already looked here and Jane is thorough enough that she has to check every other hiding place in the house before she comes back here. We played hide-and-seek a lot as a kid, so that should keep her occupied for awhile.

"Why am I hiding from Jane?" you ask. My name is Lizzie Bennet and it's kind of a long story.

[intro plays]

Lizzie: So you remember that disastrous dinner Mom hosted with Bing and Caroline, and how after we took Bing to the bar to wipe the memory of the encounter from his mind forever? And, it turned out great. Except for the whole Darcy lurking around thing, and the whole Just Dance incident . . . anyway, that night at Carter's we were all having a very . . . let's say, convivial evening, and Bing started talking about how big his house is. Not a euphemism. We weren't that buzzed.

So he's going on about how much space there is for just three people and Lydia was all [imitating Lydia], "You should have a party!" And Bing said, "You're right." So, last week, Lydia reminded him, and now, today, we received an invitation . . . an actual printed invitation . . . on paper! And that's why I'm hiding from Jane.

[door opens]

Jane: Aha! Were you hiding from me?

Lizzie: No.

Jane: That's not what you said a second ago.

Lizzie: You heard that?

Jane: Mmhmm.

Lizzie: Uhh, then, yes.

Jane: Why?

Lizzie: Uhh--

Jane: Is it because you don't want to go to the party? I know you said you feel like third wheel, but you're really not. Caroline talks all the time about how much she likes you.

Lizzie: No, no, no, of course I want to go to the party. 

Jane: And Bing and I will get to talking and Car--oh gosh, Lydia. 

Lizzie: No, no, no, Lydia will be fine. Bing said she could do sock slides, so that'll keep her busy all night.

Jane: But won't you get stuck with Darcy?

Lizzie: Darcy and Caroline, who allegedly really likes me. Jane, seriously, don't worry about it. 

Jane: If you want to go to the party, then why were you hiding?

Lizzie: Old times' sake? Remember all those games of hide-and-seek we used to play? Wasn't that fun? 

Jane: Lizzie--

Lizzie: Hey! Do you think that I'm too involved in your love life? 

Jane: Of course not. Don't be silly, you're my sister. So you'll come? 

Lizzie: Definitely. 

Jane: Oh good, because I have this discarded sample from work and I'm re-doing the neckline and you're going to look amazing, I just, you're gonna love it. 

Lizzie: Me? What about you? You're the one with a guy to impress. 

Jane: No, I already did mine.

Lizzie: Jane Bennet, did you think of yourself before someone else? 

Jane: So can I get you for a fitting? 

Lizzie: Yeah, just let me finish up here.

Jane: Okay, hurry up! [giddy noises]

Lizzie: Oh, what would you have done?! What can I say? She's my sister. I fold like a road map. And I'm happy for her, I am. I don't think I'm too involved in my sister's personal life. Jane and I have always been like that. We tell each other everything. 

I mean, who else am I gonna talk to? Like, besides Charlotte. And the internet. I mean, Lydia? Mom? DAD?! It's not like there's anything in my life to be getting excited about. My lack of career, my last year of grad school coming up, my uncertain future . . . and on that note, I've got a fitting and a party to attend. 

[outro plays]