Hank: Hello and welcome to Hank and Katherine, and Nick and Michael play Super Mario Brothers Wii U. The new Wii. In HD. Super Layer Cake Desert Four Spike's Spouting Sands.
Katherine: That's a lot of words.
Hank: I said them all.
Katherine: Lots. Let's-a go.
Hank: Let's go. Michael's watching us play video games already.
Katherine: Um.
Michael: Yep.
Katherine: Are you ready to play?
Michael: Nope.
Nick: Tch-u!
Katherine: 'Cause Nick's going...
Hank: Nick's going.
Nick: I'm going for it. I'm... He's gonna die.
Hank: Yeah!
Nick: Oh crap. I'm not even...
Hank: Why does it get harder?
Katherine: What?
[laughter]
Hank: Oh my goodness!
Nick: Oh, holy crikes...
Katherine: Oh, gimme gimme gimme!
Michael: No! Huuuuuh...
Hank: I got four!
Michael: Who's getting harder?
Hank: The game, Michael. The game. The game.
Nick: No! Uh oh.
[Katherine laughs]
[whistling to the game's music]
Hank: Bulubalubaluba
Katherine: Ha-Ha!
[Hank laughs]
Katherine: Woah.
Hank: We're all weird.
Nick: I- Ohhhh.... They. They.
Katherine:Woah- No! Oh my God, I tried to jump out of the way but there was a big thing there. Hm.
Nick: Eat it!
Hank: Oh, you already got it.
Nick: I did.
Hank: Bum ba do bum bum ba do...
Michael: So many flying things...
Hank: So busy.
Nick: So many.
Katherine: So busy.
Nick: So busy now.
Hank: Wow. That is hard to get 'cause we hit them when they were high up.
Michael: They stopped... I want it.
Katherine: Huuuh.
Hank:Nuuugh.
Nick Oh, I caught it!
Hank: You did! Ooh!
Michael: Helloo!
Hank: Ow!
Katherine: Sorry Marioooo....
Hank: That almost killed me! Get up there!
[Katherine laughs]
Hank. Alright everybody. I want that weed!
Katherine: So many derps! Huugh!
Hank: Make! Awww...
Katherine: Aww, Mario
Hank: Come on...
Katherine: Huuuuugh!
Hank: Yeah, there you go
Katherine: Goodbye.
Hank: There you go.
Michael[?]: Where are we?
Hank: Bu bu bu ba do bo boo, this looks like it's gonna be hard.
Katherine: Woah!
Nick: Uh!
[Katherine laughs]
Hank: Not that bad.
Katherine: Woah!
Hank: I missed.
Nick: Flag.
Hank: Ah, Katherine!
Katherine: Ahhh bslurbbagh.
Michael: Do we have a flag?
Katherine: Nuu.
Hank: Yes.
Nick: No country, no flag.
Katherine: Oh my God, don't you dare, one of those is mine! Thank you.
Nick: Oh!
Hank: What'choo guys doing on your- Buuuuh!
[Nick and Katherine laugh]
Hank: Oh careful!
Katherine: Wow!
[Nervous laughing from Katherine, joined by Hank]
Michael: Wuh?
Katherine: Hah Hah! Wait a second. What's going down here?
Nick: Oh, you gotta jump it.
Katherine: How we get in there?
Nick: Jump it!
Michael: Er!
Katherine: How we get down there?
Hank: Come ooooonnn, sand.
Nick: Dangit I hate it when Michael is blue too!
Hank: He's not blue anymore.
Nick: He's not blue anymore but ah! I couldn't tell
Hank: How do we get into there?
[Katherine makes various strained noises]
Hank: Ah, they're jumping! Wow, that was lucky.
Katherine: How do we get into there?
Nick: Oh kill that guy. Kill him. Kill him dead.
Hank: I don't know. I don't know where that opportunity was.
Nick: Oh hurry.
Katherine: Oh, keep going!
Nick: Oh, nice!
[Katherine makes a strained noise]
Nick: Oh two hundred, I- Oh yeah!
Hank: Oh I'm down here. At the bottom. I'll be at the bottom. Everybody sit on my face.
[Nick laughs]
Katherine: Four thousand!
Hank: Four thousand!
Katherine: Fo!
Hank: We oughta get special... toys because we don't time our jumps.
Katherine: Everybody is really excited.
Hank: Yeah.
Nick: I'm just excited to be finished.
Katherine: Yeah Everybody's- everybody's really-
Hank: Just happy.
Katherine: Excited.
Hank: I'm excited. Let's go to Blooming Lakkas.
Katherine: Let's-a go. Lakitus.
Nick: Lakitus?
Hank: Lak. Lockas. Lackeys.
Michael: I want it I want it I want it.
Hank: Oh yeah there's coins under those trees.
Nick: There.
Hank: Ah uh ah oh ah
[Laughter]
Michael: I'm impressed with the lighting effects.
Katherine What?
Hank: What?
Katherine: What? What?
Michael: I was shooting little ice balls over the uh,
[Laughter]
Michael: over one of the trees, and I just noticed it casts light onto the leaves.
Hank: Oh, you are impressed with the light effects.
Katherine: Yeah, I thought you said "I'm not" as well.
Nick: I understood you, Michael.
Hank: Huuuuu Lakitus! Throwing plants-
Nick: Nicely done, Katherine!
Hank: Get in the flower!
Katherine: Thank you.
Hank: You could've gotten in his cloud!
Katherine: Yeah, whatever.
Hank: I would've just liked it in clouds. That's for- that's... for...
Nick: Boing!
Hank: Ah I'm drowning! Uhhuhuhuh!
[laughter]
Michael: Oh! Dun du duna dun
Katherine: OH GOD!
[Michael hums the star song continuously]
Hank: Hey, did you die?
Katherine: I pushed the button but-
[Odd noise from Michael]
Katherine: We were going so fast that...
Hank: We're going fast; they got-
[Katherine makes an odd noise]
[More odd noises from Michael]
Katherine: Oh my God.
Michael: I can't see 'cause there's a microphone...
[laughter]
Hank: I'm just gonna be in my bubble.
Katherine: Can we- Oh my God, can we please- oh fuuuuuuugggh
Hank: The toads are in a hurry.
Nick: We got stars.
Katherine: Oh, that must've been really nice for you
Nick: Oh, it was great, actually! I had a great time.
Katherine: Oh, my God.
Nick: Thank you.
Katherine: Augh!
Hank: Augh! Spectacles up there...
Katherine & Nick: Oh my God!
Katherine: [Unintelligible muttering]
Hank: Hello coin!
Katherine: Hello cwan!
Michael: Whoa...
Nick: Awwww.... Ouwa!
Katherine: Oh wow, huh.
Nick: [sobbing noise]
Katherine: That is a big, big... flower.
Hank: Huuuuh! Okay I'm tiny.
Katherine [with various interruptions]: I'm gonna- Okay, well I was gonna stay in my bubble until y'all were bubbling or whatever the frick was going on there, but. I wanna be a part of this! Thank you.
Nick: I'm shaking as hard as I can.
[Hank laughs]
Hank: Shake that thing. Shake that.[Joined by the others]Gonna gonna shake that thing, thing. We know very well the words to this song, I can tell. Auhh!
Michael: I'm losing all my lives.
Hank: I'm losing all my lives?! I at 28!
Katherine! I'm in a cloud!
Nick: Noooo!
Katherine: You guys, I'm in a cloud, lalalala lalala.
Hank: Auuuuhhhh!
[laughter]
Katherine: I hate you all.
[More laughter]
Katherine: My superior playmanship never gets rewarded. [More laughter] Cause you're all in a fricking hurry.
Hank: Guys, we're gonna visit Morton's compactor castle. Which seems like-
Nick: Oh no.
Katherine: Compactor?
Hank: -not the kind of place where I want to spend a Saturday night.
Michael: Good thing it's Sunday.
Nick: Aw man.
Katherine: That is disappointing.
Nick: I have to go back and work for this dude...
[Hank laughs]
[Hank hums along with the music]
Nick: Ah ooh, oh oh, no-
Katherine: I wanna see!
Nick: Oh no, don't you dare-
[Hank laughs]
Hank: Everybody's just gonna be on Katherine's head.
Nick: Awwwww!
Katherine: Just spazzing! You guys, everything's fine.
Nick: Awright, I am approaching-
Katherine: Oh, thank God.
Hank: 'Kay.
Nick: I am approaching continueness.
Hank: Oh are you once again?
Nick: Yes.
Katherine: Somebody get rid of that, okay?
Nick: Hey, drop me!
Hank: It's fine, it's fine.
Katherine: Are you gonna just stand there, Michael?
Hank: It's fine.
Nick: No, no no! Aww...
Katherine: It's like, you were first in line, but you just weren't going, so...
Nick: I often argue with the logic that a video game will let you do something that you would obviously not do in real life.
Hank: What do you mean?
Nick: Like-
Hank: Like run away?
Nick: Like ground-pound into the lava.
[Hank laughs]
Hank: This is clearly not my intent!
Katherine: Well, I got the big coin.
Hank: Alright.
Katherine: But I also burned my butt.
Michael: Oh, these guys, you can't freeze them...
Hank: I don't know how I survived-
Katherine: GIMME THE GIMMIE GIMMIE.
Hank: -what happened
[Delayed laughter]
Hank: Katherine would like the Gimme Gimme.
[More laughter]
Katherine: ME FIRST!
Hank: What's in this pipe?! What's in this pipe?
Katherine: Pipe! What's in the piiiipe!
Michael: I don't know where I am...
Hank: You're gone.
Katherine: You went up!
Hank: You went in the pipe!
Michael: Oh, I found us the thing...
Nick: Nicely done, sir!
Hank: Luigi's just over there.
[Laughter]
Katherine: Well, I thought I was...
[Laughter]
Katherine: ...Mario
[More laughter]
Katherine: That would be the source of my problem.
Hank, Michael, and Nick: Woahhhh!
Katherine: I did not- I didn't-
Hank: I'm staying here!
Katherine: -die though...
Nick: See you guys.
Hank: Nick, no!
Katherine: You are a nerd!
Hank: Uhh! Ooh!
Katherine: Oh, we are-
Hank: Is that where you went? In that pipe right there?
Michael: Me? No.
Hank: So we should go in that pipe right there.
Nick: I tried, I couldn't get it to go.
Katherine: I think it's a down pipe.
Michael: Negative.
Hank I... [starts laughing] am completely positive. [?]
Nick: Gimme it gimme it! Ha Ha! Yes!
Hank: What's in there? What's in there? What's that guy doing?
Nick: You will all bow before me now that I am big!
Hank: Oh, yes.
Nick: How do you pick things up?
Hank: You press one and then you shake the controller, and it also matters what direction you're pushing.
Nick: Ha ha, hah!
Michael: There's also, u- Meee!
[Laughter]
Nick: Oh no!
Katherine: Oopsie.
Michael: Oopsie koozy.
Katherine: Erpsie perps.
Hank: No waay! I totally did it!
Katherine: Uhh...
Nick: Uh oh, uh oh!
Katherine: Oh, nuggets. Burnt my nuts.
[Laughter]
Katherine: I'm gonna do it. It's gonna happen.
Hank: Out of my way!
Nick: Uh! Awww...
Hank: Auugh.
Nick: I was not paying attention at all.
Katherine: Sugar!
Nick: Oh no!
Hank: No, no it was just a mushroom. How did we all bubble? Michael's just standing there. Okay we did it everybody, we did it, let's go.
Katherine: A clever thing for him to be doing. Right?
Hank: Let's go. We gotta we gotta fight.
Katherine: With all of our-
Hank: Yes. Idiocy?
Nick: Oh no.
Katherine: What are you doing?
Nick: Oh no! Awww.
Hank: Aw yeah.
Katherine: Mars. Mario
Hank: Mars? Me?
Katherine: Yeah. Why are you in the bubble?
Hank: I'm doing... I'm sure there was a reason.
Katherine: Oh, Toad's big head.
Hank: Oh, Toad's big head.
Katherine: Bong.
Hank: I need a little bit of running room.
Katherine: No you don't!
Nick: Ah!
Katherine: Oh my God [unintelligible noises]
Hank: Auh!
[Katherine laughs]
Katherine: Huuuuuuuh!
Hank: Woah!
Katherine: Ha ha- Oh God dangit.
Michael: Oh.
Hank: Ah.
Katherine: Sor- Ho oh. Mm heh! Aw. Aw, jigger.
Nick: Oh, you ss...
Katherine: Jiggery pokery.
Nick: Oh, okay that was-
Katherine: I would like to come back please.
Hank: Yes, I see you-
[All yell]
Hank: There was ground there not two seconds before!
[Laughter]
[Katherine makes nervous noises]
Nick: Are you gonna go?
[All yell again]
[Katherine screams]
Hank: Okay. Wait wait w-
Katherine: No no! We get this stuff! Oh my goodness I want stuff so bad! I hate all of you.
Hank: She wants to get the stuff so bad.
Katherine: Why you never leave me any stuff?
Nick: It's not on purpose, I assure you. Oh, oh sorry guys, I'm lagging.
Hank: We are fast.
Michael: Well, jumping up stairs is faster than walking.
Hank: Yes, for some reason jumping is better than walking.
Nick: I don't do well at high elevations.
[Hank and Katherine laugh]
Hank: Such- ox-ygen. They never get tired, these people. Also they don't mind to die.
Katherine: Oh, he's gonna bang on the ground.
Hank: Ah. So now we go.
Nick: Oh, bad.
Hank: Jump! Oh, wait, don't jump! Stay- low! Oh, now jump! Huuu! Now fire, fire in your ass!
Katherine: Oh, well I guess I'll just jump on him and die. Oh nooo.
Hank: Is this the first continue?
Katherine: The End.
Nick: I had the first continue.
Hank: Oh, I'm so stuck.
Katherine: Mario killed me in all honest-
Hank: Mario did not kill you.
Katherine: Yes, you did.
Hank: That's bull. Uhhh! It's a game, guys! Ow I died. Nooo. Return! Now that was me.
Katherine: Again.
Hank: Nicely done.
Michael: Get on his head, uhhhh.
Hank: Nice saving yourself. Okay.
Katherine: Oh shoot.
Hank: It's okay. Michael, get over there, we need your hit point. Get on. Him.
Katherine: Woo!
Hank: Yeaaaah.
Katherine: Ooh that was really close! Only Toad! Only Michael Toad survived!
Nick: Only Michael Toad!
Hank: Uh, another time, thanks. Aw, continues. One.
[Laughter]
Hank: And it begins.
Nick: Oh God.
Hank: Thank you for watching this episode of Hank and Katherine and Michael and Nick play Super Mario Brothers Wii. You will not see us and we will not see you but you will hear us, when we take on World Three. Goodbye.