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Justice Ameer (xe/xem/xir) reads xir poem, "body without the 'd.'"

Justice Ameer:

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My name is Justice Ameer. I use xe/xem/xir pronouns.

I'm a poet, and I'll be reading my poem "body without the 'd.'" "body without the 'd'" is a poem that I use to try to express an experience in words that was very hard to express in words, and so I had to change the language a little bit. Content warning for gender dysphoria. the bo’y wakes up the bo’y looks at itself the bo’y notices something missing there is both too much and not enough flesh on the bo’y the bo’y is covered in hair what a hairy bo’y some makes it look more like a bo’y some makes it look more like a monster the bo’y did not learn to shave from its father so it taught itself how to graze its skin and cut things off the bo’y cuts itself by accident the blood reminds the bo’y it is a bo’y reminds the bo’y how a bo’y bleeds reminds the bo’y that not every bo’y bleeds the bo’y talks to a girl about bleeding she explains how this bo’y works this bo’y is different from hers bo’y has too much and not enough flesh to be her the biology of a bo’y is just bo’y will only ever be a bo’y the bo’y is Black so the bo’y is and will only ever be a bo’y the bo’y couldn’t be a man if it tried the bo’y tried the bo’y feels empty the bo’y feels like it will only ever be empty the bo’y feels that it will never hold the weight of another bo’y inside of it no matter how many ds fit inside the bo’y the bo’y is a hollow facade it attempts a convincing veneer bo’y dresses — what hips on the bo’y bo’y paints its face — what lips on the bo’y bo’y adorns itself with labels written for lovelier frames what a beautiful bo’y still a bo’y but a fierce bo’y now a royal bo’y now a bo’y worthy of being called queen what a dazzling ruse to turn a bo’y into a lie everyone loves to look at the bo’y looks at itself the bo’y sees all the gawking at its gloss the bo’y hears all the masses asking for its missing the bo’y offers all of its letters — ‘ b ’ for the birth — ‘ o ’ for the operation — ‘ y ’ for the lack left in its genes what this bo’y would abandon for the risk of  being real the bo’y is real enough and too much existing as its own erasure — what an elusive d — evading removal avoiding recognition leaving just a bo’y that is never lost but can’t be found