(Intro)

High school students in a gym: Good morning, Hank!

More high school students: Good morning, Hank!

John: (off-camera) Perfect. You were supposed to say, "It's Tuesday," though. (Crowd laughs) So, let’s try it again, but this time say, "It's Tuesday." Ready? One, two, three.

High school students: It’s Tuesday!

(Cut to airport) John: I'm in the airport in New York City.

(Cut to another airport) Hank, I’m at the airport in Washington, D.C.

(In a hotel room) So, for some reason that I don't understand, Penguin got me the couples' Valentine's special here at my hotel in Washington, D.C. So, last night, I was treated to a dinner where I got two entrees, two appetizers, and two desserts. Sorry, Weight Watchers.

(In another airport) And now I'm in the airport in Chicago. I know what you’re wondering, Hank. You’re wondering, "John, how are you getting from airport to airport? Are you using a hover-craft? Are you using movie magic?" No, I’m using airplanes, and that’s unfortunate because you know what? Airplanes hate snow. Most of the people here at the moment are cameramen asking people what it’s like that all the flights are being cancelled. So, I thought I would recreate one of those interviews.

John as a cameraman: So, how do you feel about all these delays?
John as a traveler: Um, they suck.
John as a cameraman: Could you actually, could you, could you put my question back into your answer?
John as a traveler: Umm, all these delays of my flight suck.

Hank, I’ve spent 12 of the last 40 hours inside of airports, and you may be wondering how I pass the time when I’m here. And the answer is simple. I’ve been hard at work on my 2007 Celebrity Death Pool Lineup. A Celebrity Death Pool is where you pick 24 people who you think will die in the next year. It's really, you know, it's like, it's like good, clean fun. It's a way that I can give back, you know? The key to playing the game and still being able to live with yourself is to pick people that you're kind of rooting for, or at least that you're okay with the idea. I mean, obviously, you never want anyone to die. But, if people have to, and from what I understand they do, they might as well be members of al-Qaeda. So, I'd like to say a preemptive goodbye to all those I hope we will be missing come January 1st, 2008.

(“Cotton,” by The Mountain Goats, begins. People shown are: Tomoji Tanabe; Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah, Ariel Sharon, Doctor Kevorkian, Abu Ayyun al-Masri, Fidel Castro, Aymam al-Zawahiri, Charlton Heston, Saddam Hussein, and Osama bin Laden)

Hank. I'll see you tomorrow.