Crowd: Good morning John, it's Friday!

Hank: Good morning John, today is my first day off, in like four weeks. The universe kept conspiring to prevent me from getting a full night's sleep, and yesterday, I realized that if it did it one more time, I would destroy it. The entire universe, I would set it to flame, and watch it burn. So, I slept. Lucky for you. 
 
I'm on tour with a rock and roll band right now, which is really weird. I've been to a lot of shows in my life, and I will be honest, never in my life have I not felt anxious before a show, whether I'm there as a performer, or just as someone watching the show. The institution of the show seems to have a lot of cultural knowledge associated with it and it also kind of seems like just sort of the thing like very cool people do. I am not a very cool person! So I always felt like there's just a lot of stuff I don't know, and I'm not sure if I'm doing the right things ever.

It almost seems like part of the coolness of it is hiding all those do's and don't's from "normal people" so that you can know when they're not cool, and that is a thing I hate.

So on my shows, I've been asking the audience what is some of the institutional knowledge of concerts that you think should be shared with the world, and I've been collecting that information and now I'm going to share it with you!

Crowd member: Wear deodorant!

Crowd: *laughs*

Hank: Number one. Bring earplugs! Because sometimes it is dangerously loud, sometimes it's not, but you never know!

Number two. You can go by yourself. It's nice to bring people along with you but you can also have an amazing time alone.

Three. Make sure you have enough charge on your cellphone to get you through the night.

Four. You never know how hot it's going to be, so hydrate and bring layers.

Five. Buy merch on the way in because when you're leaving, it will a mess and the line will be a million miles long.

Six. Dance, clap, singing along, every audience is different and what happens out there affects what goes on on the stage.

Seven. If you want to be at the front, get there early. Do not push your way to the front because you are moving past the people who got there early so that they could be at the front. And that's rude.

Eight. As far as I can tell, there's no schedule. I don't even know when I'm going on as a performer; it's up to the venue. Generally, doors will open about an hour before the show actually starts, and the main act will be on for at least two hours after the doors open.
Some venues like to leave like thirty minutes between every single act so that people have time to buy more drinks (which is how they make a lot of their money), but none of this has anything to do with performers. I would assume that you're not going to be going home until at least three hours after the doors open, and maybe more than four.

Nine. Wear comfortable shoes.

Ten. If you ask, you'll probably get an encore.

Eleven. Interact with strangers. Chances are you're into some of the same things since you're obviously into the same music. People are usually pretty nice, chances are they're as uncomfortable as you are. Like I am right now.

Thirteen. Mosh pits are surprisingly safe; stage diving is surprisingly dangerous. You don't want anybody to jump on your head. If you don't want to be in a mosh pit, just leave the mosh pit area. If you do, make sure your shoes are on tight and your glasses ...they're all loose items necessary precautions taken, etc..

Twelve. If you feel unsafe or uncomfortable let the people around you know or let the venue staff know and they will help you.

And finally, number thirteen. This was shouted out at my Portland show, and I couldn't hear the person who shouted it so I asked the people around that person to shout it at me simultaneously, and the thing that got shouted at me by dozens of people was " DON'T WORRY ABOUT LOOKING COOL!" and it was a glorious moment.
I wish I could start every day with a group of people shouting that at me. It would be nice for all of us I think. It would be wonderful if we could all get this through out thick skulls, but of course we can't and so we have to continue repeating it to each other. But don't worry about looking cool; do you, because you are fantastic.
I had the whole audience shout it at me again, and then I had them shout it at each other, because I think that's the most important advice when it comes to going to concerts. It's not about looking cool; it's about being excited about something together with other people who are also excited about it.
It has been really, really, really amazingly fantastic to a part of that for people.
So thanks to everyone who've been coming out to the shows; we've been having a really great time.

John, I'll see you on Tuesday.