'I still haven't found a girlfriend, though I've tried a lot
So can you help me please, it's tougher than I thought
Well the odds are pretty good
But the goods are pretty odd
Still at this point I'd take anything you've got

Well you see this all the time, nice girls in love with jerks
What could they be thinking? Tell me how it works
If I've, if I've got some problems
Well I wouldn't be the first
But the ones that I have in mind are even worse

'Cause even Hitler had a girlfriend who he could always call
Who would always be there for him in spite of all his faults
Well he was the worst guy ever, He was reviled and despised
But even Hitler had a girlfriend so why can't I? Why can't I?

Life is full of contradictions, hard to understand
And for every happy woman there's a lonely man
Well Nixon had his puppy
Charles Manson had his clan
But God forbid that I get a girlfriend

'Cause even Hitler had a girlfriend who he could call his own
To sweeten days of bitterness and feeling all alone
I'm not as bad as Hitler but it doesn't mean a thing
Since they'd rather be with Hitler more than me, I don't see
Why they'd rather be with Hitler more that me'