Good morning Hank, it's Friday. Special Friday video! Well, not that special actually, I don't want to raise your expectations too much.

(Intro music)

Today's video comes to you in five parts. Part one, the wall! ...is, as you have no doubt noticed, still there. Yes, Hank, the great wall fail of 2009 continues to be both a wall and a fail, although I have made some progress. Over there in the bottom corner you can see the Great White Wall of Cow being ridden by the Dread Pirate Fireball Wilson Roberts. Then I wrote "the wall is a unicorn" on the wall to try to motivate me to bring it down because you know I hate unicorns but even that didn't work. (0:37)
Part two, your song. Hank, your song was incredibly good and I love it but it made me think about why we like those crime shows even though they're so predictable. So, when the Yeti and I watch television, which isn't that often, one of the things we like to do is watch an episode of CSI and then immediately follow it up with an episode of The First 48, which is this show on A&E about actual forensic experts and actual detectives investigating actual crimes. Because on CSI David Caruso has to, like, out-master the master serial killer and has to, like, take off his glasses all the time and say, like, 'I don't think you were playing the marimba, I think you were playing the murder-imba.' (1:10)
Whereas on The First 48, and in all real life murders, the detective always has to end up, like, holding the murderer as the murderer bawls because he feels so bad about getting drunk and killing his friend or whatever. Like, CSI and all the shows like it give you the delusion that evil is some uncomplicated thing living inside of certain people and not others. And I think we all deeply want to believe the lie that evil is something outside of us and we can be like, 'Hey Evil, I got you with my screwdriver!' So, that's why I think we ultimately watch these shows over and over again. Well, that and also I think our brains like stories that make sense. And one of the main differences between stories in real life and stories on TV is that stories on TV make sense. Anyway, great song, just wanted to say that it made me think about all that stuff. (1:49)

Part three: why don't we have any Nerdfighters in Antarctica? ...I didn't say that right.
I don't know, Hank, but this is a fixable situation, noted Awesome Girl and Parselmouth Kristina Horner wants to go to Antarctic and all we need to do to get her there is vote for her in a contest -- link in the sidebar! Hank, I don't want to get ahead of myself but if we can get Kristina to Antarctica that could potentially mean that we could have videotaped happy dances from Nerdfighters on all seven continents! (2:13)

Part four, Toms. Hank, I have two things to tell you about Toms. First, Ningmaster Tom is now officially the senior executive Nerdfighter, he is the head of all of the Ning and he's going to make it much more awesome for everyone because, Hank, you and I have been failing so epically. So, everyone go to Nerdfighters.com, it's about to get way better, although I think it is already great and I want to say a special thank you to all the Ningmasters who have made the Ning so awesome for the last several months. (2:38)

The other Tom I have to tell you about is our original secret brother Tom. Hank, I have great news about secret brother Tom, he is running for office in the city of Cambridge, Massachusetts. If you live in Cambridge, you should work for slash vote for him, link in the sidebar. And more generally, I can't say how excited I am to see Nerdfighters seeking political office so that we can push forward our political agenda, which is, of course, to mandate the addition of In Your Pants to the end of book titles and to increase funding for the re-evolving of puppy-sized elephants. (3:04)

Part five, contest winners. So, I'm giving away a copy of the paperback of Paper Towns every day for the next two weeks to my favorite ten word comment, or Paper Towns related video slash song. I just added that to the contest but if you want to make a Paper Towns video or song that would be so awesome. Hank, the first three days of this contest has actually seen four winners because I was lying when I said I only had fourteen books, I actually have more than that. (3:24)

The first winner is Nerdfighter Astrograph whose ten word comment was, 'To end his shame, Willie requires a dose of Vi-wagra.' (3:32)

The second winner is Nerdfighter Valerie2776 whose LOLCat summary of Paper Towns was 'I'm in ur minivans, peein in ur bluefin bottles.' (3:40)

Third, Bellster24 who kinda made me tear up a little when she said, 'Your books have changed my life and I'm so grateful.' (3:46)

And the fourth book so far goes to Semseekitty who commented, 'In Aizen's words, admiration is the furthest thing from understanding.' (3:53)

Hank, you'll see me on Sunday, but not before you see the new outro.

(New Outro)