[sung] Will it waffle? Will it waffle? Will it waffle? Will it waffle? Will it waffle? Will it waffle? Will it waffle? Will it waffle? Will it waffle? Will it waffle? Will it waffle? Will it waffle?

[spoken] Lauren: The Internet has a long history of putting food where it doesn't belong and going where no kitchen has gone before, whether it's Diet Coke and Mentos, the misspent ideas of what should be put in a microwave, or the noble experiments of this show's namesake, but one venture stands out renowned amongst all others, a truly historic moment on the Internet: the blenderized Happy Meal.

[blending noise] John: Ah, this looks delicious.

Lauren: So, when I had requests to waffle a hamburger, I knew there was only one man who could assist me in this experiment, one man who has stared into the void of the McDonald's kids menu and had it stare back at him, one man with unparalleled culinary grit. That man is John Green.

John: Hello. How's it going?

Lauren: Welcome to Will It Waffle, John.

John: Thank you. I'm so excited to find out if it will waffle.

Lauren: It's going to be pretty exciting. We know it doesn't quite blenderize.

John: No, we know that it's not delicious in a blender, but maybe it's delicious in a waffle. It's a Happy Meal. It's the happiest meal on Earth. Let me tell you what I think is going to happen. I think that it's going to go from being good to being great.

[Lauren laughs]

John: I think that waffling a Happy Meal is going to be the most successful Will It Waffle of all time.

Lauren: Wow. High bar.

John: I think it's going to be better than a regular happy meal and I think when we sell this idea to McDonald's, we're going to be billionaires.

Lauren: Heck yeah.

John: Boom.

Lauren: Should we waffle the Barbie toy?

John: No, uh, we shouldn't. Also, how weird is it that there are still...

Lauren: Gender ...

John: ... genderized toys? That said, this is great.

[both laugh]

John: It's Barbie sunglasses ...

Lauren: They're holograms.

John: ... but — that are also holograms, but can you see out of them? No.

Lauren: No. You cannot see out of them.

John: They're terrible. They're terrible at being glasses, but they're great at being holograms.

Lauren: Yeah, woah.

John: That's awesome. I'm going to keep this.

Lauren: Uh, there's also yogurt.

John: Nope.

Lauren: No yogurt. We're not going to do that. We'll have-

John: That's not part of a Happy Meal.

Lauren: These are the tiniest box of fries.

John: My God.

[both laugh]

Lauren: It's like a little — little toy french fry. Now, when you blenderized a happy meal, you threw in the orange drink.

John: Yeah.

Lauren: What do you think we should do with the orange drink today?

John: I think we should dip the fries in orange drink. Can I just toss them in?

Lauren: Yes, toss them in. It's going to overflow a little.

[Lauren laughs]

John: Yeah, I think that was the right...

Lauren: Ooh, very nice.

John: ... I think that was the right decision.

Lauren: I am not sure that the waffling is going to make it into the meat and the toppings, so I think...

John: No, that — but I think it's going to be good on the bread.

Lauren: Yeah, we're going to toast the bread. It'll be like a panini Happy Meal.

John: Mhmm. 

Lauren: Do you want to do the honors?

John: Can I ...

Lauren: Well, here. I'll — I'll put the — let's do that smack in the middle.

John: Good idea.

Lauren: You know, get a nice waffle pattern on it.

[sizzles]

John: One of the things I really appreciate about this program, Lauren, is that you take the waffling very seriously. This is not a joke to you.

[Lauren laughs]

John: This is not really a parody program. It's just a program uh, uh, by and for lovers of unusual waffles.

Lauren: It is true. Or just waffles, you know? I just love waffles. You can close it.

John: Can I do the honors?

Lauren: Yes, please do.

[sung] John: Doo doo doo doo. Duh duh.

[spoken] Lauren: I mean, the orange drink was definitely a good sort of, uh, cooking spray, almost. Uh, it's like an oil. They're really sizzling on there.

John: That hurt.

Lauren: Yeah, watch out. Uh, you can get burned.

John: That was predictable. That was predictable.

Lauren: Please don't sue me. Don't — don't sue me. Please don't sue Will It Waffle.

John: Aw! Not only that, I'm at LeakyCon, and I can't help but notice I have a third degree burn!

Lauren: Aw!

[Lauren laughs]

John: Not the kind of third degree burn that Maureen Johnson delivers, but an actual burn. It seems like a definite lawsuit. The orange drink aroma is really coming through for me. Is it going to be weird if I have a little orange drink?

Lauren: Yeah, no, you should have some. It might be salty. How was it?

John: Very good.

Lauren: Yeah?

John: Standard.

Lauren: Can I try some?

John: Alright. There's still a fry in there, by the way.

Lauren: Well, maybe we should just, like, eat the fry?

John: Yeah.

Lauren: Yeah, let's see. Ooh, very soggy. I mean, it's just citrus, just citrusy.

John: Yeah.

Lauren: A citrusy french fry.

John: Well, there's a lot of real juice in that orange drink.

Lauren: This is like, my — my daily fruit serving right here.

John: Yeah. As well it should be.

Lauren: Yeah. It's definitely getting down into the bun a bit.  I don't know that the fries have been terribly affected yet.

John: No, I'm nervous because I thought the fries would be more cooked than they are.

Lauren: Yeah.

John: I thought it would be sort of a re — a refried french fry kind of thing.

Lauren: [laughs] A refried french fry.

John: Which is the — a refried, orange-drink–soaked french fry sounds like the ultimate delicacy to me.

Lauren: Very artisanal type of french fry.

John: Yeah, exactly.

Lauren: There should be a food truck ...

John: Right.

Lauren: ... just for a ...

Both: ... refried, orange-drink–soaked ...

Lauren: ... french fry.

John: Yeah.

Lauren: You go ahead.

John: No, you.

Lauren: Okay.

John: You're the expert.

Lauren: Alright, let's see. Yeah, I don't want you to burn yourself again.

John: Exactly. 

Both: Ooooh!

Lauren: It's beautiful!

John: Wow!

Lauren:  Whoa. The french fries got a little bit. Maybe on the underside?

John:  That's a gorgeous waffle!

Lauren: Oh.

Both: Ooooh.

Lauren: That looks like a waffle!

John: Yes!

Lauren: Maybe we should have brought syrup to put on it.

John: Oh, that's a huge mistake.

Lauren: Well now we can also — we can tear it open. Maybe. This is very hot.

John: Yeah, into quarters.

Lauren: Oh, hot. Hot. Oh, oh, so hot.

John: I've noticed this is a theme in Will It Waffle? The theme where Lauren tries to eat something and then is surprised to find that, having been on a waffle iron, it is hot.

Lauren: What?

John: It smells awful.

[Lauren laughs.]

John: I mean, it smells like a McDonald's hamburger.

Lauren: Yeah, the mustard smell. The mustard and the onions really came out in the extra heat.

John: Yeah. Uh huh.

Both: Cheers.

John: That is excellent.

Lauren: Oh, yeah. It is good.

John: That's better than a hamburger.

Lauren: I don't know about putting a hamburger on all the way, all the time, but if you're ever making hamburgers, you should definitely waffle the buns.

John: That is pretty great.

Lauren: Yeah, that is pretty awesome. What about the french fries? We gotta investigate ...

John: Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Lauren: ... what happened with the french fries.

John: Not good.

Lauren: No. Even the orange drink, it didn't — it didn't come out.

John: Didn't really come through.

Lauren: It burned off. It burned off.

John: Didn't come through.

Lauren: Just soak the french fries directly in the orange drink. Don't worry about waffling.

John: And then eat them, yeah. So, Lauren and I's conclusion is, definitely waffle the hamburger. Don't waffle the yogurt. That's unnecessary, and it's weird. French fries, just dip directly into the orange drink. Don't even bother with the waffle. Just quick dip, then eat, while they're still crunchy, and you've got yourself the perfect happy meal.

Lauren: So there you go. The formula for the perfect Happy Meal. Not blenderizing, but waffling. McDonald's, John and I are ready to sell you this recipe.

This episode was suggested by all of these people. If you want to suggest a future episode, just leave your suggestion in the comments. Thank you so much to John for taking time out of your very busy LeakyCon schedule to waffle a Happy Meal with me.

If you want to get involved, you can waffle a Happy Meal yourself. Waffle something else from McDonald's. Waffle anything. Draw a waffle. I want to see any and all of your waffle creations or appreciation. Just tag it #willitwaffle so that we can all share and enjoy in our love of waffles.

And so, there's only one thing left to ask: will a Happy Meal waffle?

John: It waffles.

Lauren: It waffles.