Hello and welcome to hankgames without Hank, my name is John Green, I'm the manager of the AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys who today find themselves back in the FA cup against mighty Crawley Town.

We're still not filling the stadium but that might be partly due to the fact that, in a stunning turn of events, it is raining in England but because it is so cold that rain is coming down as snow. However there are many, many AFC Wimbly Wombly supporters who are in the stands nonetheless, supporting their club in the freezing, miserable cold. And other John Green, because he is tough as balls, is going without long sleeves because that's how he does.

Today we're gonna talk about the top three - Ooooooooooh! - the top three - almost a goal right of the bat - top three scandals of 2013 according to Time Magazine and Meredith, what are they?

Oh, Paula Deen a racist slur, several racist slurs actually, and told a bunch of racist jokes. I mean, I didn't follow this story that closely but there's one thing that really struck me in her testimony or affidavit or whatever, the question was 'did you ever use the n-word' - which I'm not gonna say.

Her answer was 'of course' and you know I think she was trying to be like trying to found defensive or saying everyone's used that word or whatever but, you know, the fact that we still live in a world where 'of course' is even a plausible answer to that question is pretty stunning to me.

You know, race is still a tremendously important and problematic part of the United States. It's one of the ways that privilege really does stand in the way of like, what we say is the American dream of equal opportunity and equal access to educational opportunities and social and political engagement.

I think it's just one more example of how far away we actually are from those values that we hold so close to us and think of as foundational to America but in fact are, like, not our current values.

Gah, it's a penalty! It's a penalty! Has to be! Oh, I was offside - how am I always offside!? Bald John Green just does not have tactical awareness these days. He'll get better, he's young, he's just starting out, you know, he's got of the TARDIS, he's confused, he's a little bit lost at times, just like any other Time Lord.

Alright, what was the number two scandal of 2013 according to Time Magazine - oh boy, I'll tell you what would be scandalous: giving up a goal to Crawley Town.

What was it? Anthony Weiner? Was that this year? Oh yeah because he was running for mayor. Oh, right and he used the name Carlos Danger which I feel again, I just feel terrible for the guy, I mean you know, who doesn't wanna have a second life as Carlos Danger.

In my last video I talked about how the patriarchy can be really destructive for women but I think that this is an example of when the patriarchy is like, also destructive for everyone because you know, there is the expectation - oh, it's gotta be, it's gotta be, it's gotta be... tackled!

What! What, I got fouled, I got fouled. That thing was wrong, something was criminal there, Oh that was Hells Pells! Yeah he got tackled? I agree, that was a bad bad finish.

Oh, they called me for a foul? What, for being good looking? Having the nickname Hells Pells? 

I think like, we have a very strange, like, our weird relationship with sex and sexuality is really problematic and obsession with it - I mean clearly Anthony Weiner is a guy - uh oh, uh oh, Seb Brown? Thank you, sir.

Clearly, Anthony Weiner is a guy who like, you know, if that's part of his marriage and it's not hurting anybody then it's fine. If it's not part of his marriage then like, you know, that's an issue but it's a private issue.

The total fascination with this stuff, the obsession with it seems to me like really ultimately a function for our need to continue to find ways to say that sexuality - particularly the sexuality of women or sort of non-traditional sexualities - are not okay and... I don't know, I find that pretty problematic, particularly when it comes to stuff like, I mean, you know.

That said, obviously, it ruined your first career and then, you know, you let it ruin your second career. It's pretty obvious that he has an obsessive compulsive need to engage in this particular kind of sexual behavior and you know, I feel kinda bad for everyone involved, it's just sort of embarrassing and if it is part of their marriage and it's cool and it's not an issue for his spouse like, I feel kinda bad for her because she put in this weird position where she's like - I don't know, the whole thing is just awkward and weird and like, generally I wish that peoples' private sexual lives were allowed to like, private and sexual instead of having to be public and political.

What was the number one scandal of 2013, was it also a sex scandal? I'm gonna guess that it was. Oh, Manti Te'o'. I have a lot of strong opinions about this because I had a fake girlfriend and my good friend Dean also had a fake girlfriend, in the early days of the internet and everyone who says that Manti Te'o' couldn't possibly have had a fake girlfriend - I think they're just wrong, I think they just kinda don't understand what it's like to be young.

So the first thing that I would say is I think a lot of people associate men - young men - especially football players or people who, you know, quote-un-quote could get laid whenever they want - which I think is such a - I don't really agree with that. Maybe I'm wrong but I don't really agree with that worldview like I don't think that's the way sex works for guys - or at least for most guys.

Obviously I can't make generalizations but I think there's this idea that young men are extremely sexually confident and experienced particularly if they're the kind of young men who, for instance, are football stars and that's probably - there's probably some truth to that stereotype, like I think probably a lot of guys are sexually experienced and confident but I also think there's a lot of guys, there's two things that I would say: A, there's a lot of guys who are sexually confident who shouldn't be or else, like, their sexual confidence falls away in the face of like, any real interaction with another human and then there are a lot of people who just don't fit that mold, who don't have a lot of experience and don't have a lot of confidence and for whom sex itself may not be the most important part of a romantic relationship and that doesn't mean that those people aren't good at football.

It's strange to me that we think that the only way to be good at football is to be a very sexual person because football, as a game, you know, it's just a bunch if dudes tackling each other, it has absolutely nothing to do with what your sexual orientation is or whether your a sexual person or not so I just think he had a relationship and it was a real relationship, it just turned out that it was a relationship with a person that didn't exist but he experienced it as real.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I have absolutely every confidence that he experienced it as real and that it wasn't some kind of game or some attempt to hide something about his sexuality or anything like that I think he just - he had a relationship with a person who turned out not to be the person they were claiming to be.

And, you know, in a world of virtual romantic and sexual relationships - or non-physical I should say - romantic and sexual relationships, that's a thing that can happen. But it is also a thing that can happen in the world of physical sexual and romantic relationships.

All the time people turn out not to be who they said they were, you know, all the time you discover after dating someone for a while that they haven't been honest about something that's important to you like that happens all the time, it's not like there's something new about being conned in a romantic relationship.

Like, did you ever see the movie 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' from the eighties that starred Steve Martin? That's what that's about, like, it's been happening for all of human history and like, somehow the internet is responsible for this is just to me ludicrous - Oh!

Oh God! Should've passed, should've passed. Should've turned in that situation to other John Green because other John Green is a finisher and whoever had the ball there clearly isn't.

Meredith, who is number twenty-one? He should be fired. In fact he's going to be substituted out right now. It's important that sometimes you make a statement to your players that it's not okay.

Oh, their numbers aren't on here, I don't know, I don't know. Oh because he's number twelve, not number twenty-one? Oh, no I was yeah it's Porter. Thank you Meredith, sorry, I'm not very good at this game.

Thank God for Meredith, that's all I can say. I think we all know that Ya Bamba would've scored that ten times out of ten. I'm also going to take out Some Moore because he seems tired and I'm gonna bring on P Sweeney and the John Greens are exhausted but they remain our best chance for a goal so we're going to keep them in. It's a little bit of a frustrating game here at AFC Wimbledon

So I just don't - again, maybe I'm wrong, I certainly don't want to claim to be an expert in the field or anything like that but I don't think that it's unrealistic and I don't think that it's all that uncommon that people that your in a romantic or sexual relationship with aren't honest with you.

You know, I think blaming the internet for that or saying 'oh it wasn't a real relationship because it occurred on the internet' well does that mean it's not a real relationship if you have a physical relationship with someone and it turns out to have been based on some lies like, of course it's still real.

So yeah, I think it's a result of a world in which the story happened. I think that if the same story had happened to a movie star for instance it would have been a very different kind of narrative than the fact that it happened to the football player who's supposed to be, supposed to meet our arbitrary - oh! Francomb is injured. Oh, what a mess. Time to bring on Sainte-Luce. 

Well, I'm glad I didn't make that third substitution because otherwise it would've been really bad. Did it say that he had a torn right calf? That's worry some injury. How do you tear - oh boy, he's definitely got a big limp, it's a little scary but we've got Ya Bamba. 

Look at Ya Bamba. They say, you know, they say he's not that good but - oh, he did get dispossessed there but that's better than what our other center midfielders just did which is pass directly to the other team.

You know we are not, listen, we are struggling to come into ourselves, we're a young team, you know, on paper we're one of the least talented teams in league 2 so the fact that we're at the top of the league at all is great but I'm a little worried for the future for the Wimbly Womblys, I'm not gonna lie to you guys. I'm a little worried of what it's gonna look like really when we find ourselves, in a few months, you know, hopefully in league 1. That's gonna be intimidating.

So, the Manti Te'o' thing, I just think, I don't know, I'm interested to read your comments about this because I have great sympathy for him and I can imagine - look I was embarrassed when this happened to me and it didn't happen in front of millions and millions of people.

Oh it's a nil-nil draw. Ugh, the FA cup continues to be a struggle for the Wimbly Womblys but I think we're gonna get a replay here but just to double check because last time it was surprise over time so let's just double check, I'll just go to the end here and... match facts. 

Alright, thank you for watching, I'm sorry that I couldn't beat Crawley Town, I don't know what my problem is. Best wishes.