HANK: Good morning, John.

It's January 20th... Henry Green's birthday. Can we, uh, cue the epic music? [Epic music plays while Hank makes dramatic hand gestures] [Dramatic voice] In 1995, John Green was a senior in high school.

He was so cool that he took little notice of a young freshman named Sarah. In fact, asked about it years later, John Green says, "Well, I think I thought she was kind of cute". Sarah, on the other hand, quite clearly remembers the charmingly nerdy upperclassman, though their interactions were few.

After graduation 10 years had to pass before their paths would cross again. In a peculiar turn of events, Sarah was punching John Green's ex-girlfriend in the face one day when it came out that she was, in fact, from Alabama. The two were sparring partners at a Chicago boxing club and John's ex-girlfriend said, "My ex-boyfriend is also from Alabama," though she probably didn't say it quite like that.

Slowly it came out that the ex-boyfriend of the sparring partner was, in fact, that charmingly nerdy upperclassman, John Green. Thus reconnected by the sparring partner and ex-girlfriend, John and Sarah began a string of emails that stretched over a year in time and became roughly the length of a short Russian novel. These collected emails have since been the subject of intense study from scholars in the field of technology-based literature to scholars in the field of true love.

And they led, eventually, to a string of dates in 2004. In 2005 Sarah arrived home to find a single red rose placed on every step rising to her fourth floor apartment, and, at the top waiting for her, was John Green carrying more roses and a ring. The couple were married in a beautiful traditional ceremony in a large Alabama church.

They then lived together happily for years with their puppy Fireball Wilson "Willy" Roberts. It wasn't until early 2010 - earlier today, in fact - that John and Sarah's two became three when Henry Green was born. We can only assume that Henry was named after John's younger, smarter, better looking brother.

Or possibly after his grandfather. Though it is clearly from the mass of black hair on his head that he will take after his mother, for which we are all intensely grateful. Henry Green was born early in the morning of January 20th.

The event was described by John as "freaking weird, man" and then later as, "She just worked so hard and now there's, like, this person, like, a PERSON!" John described the feeling of fatherhood as, "Actually, like, really great," and continued to point out that "I don't even really know what's going on, man. I've been awake for 46 of the last 48 hours". John, Sarah, and Henry are now enjoying some much-deserved rest and we would like to remind everyone that John's baby needs gifts, so, please, follow the link in the sidebar to give John Green's baby the only gift he wants - a world without malaria.

John Green's paternity leave thus begun. Maureen Johnson, I will see you on Friday.