I know I'm not the only one
Who wants to know more about Harry's son
I really do think there's an unwritten story
And I think it's time to put fingers to keys
A lot of people I know want to know more
About Grindelwald and Dumbledore
I really do think that they both batted lefty
And I think there's probably a good story there
For book 8
I want a book 8
I want a book 8
And I want J.K. Rowling to say that the epilogue was crap 'cause we all know it was crap
And I want J.K. Rowling to say that Voldemort had a son, and the story's just begun
And I want J.K. Rowling to say that she's writing book 8
I know a lot of people who want to hear the tale
of the mysterious veil
I really do think it's a dimensional portal
and I think Sirius is in Middle Earth
And I know I wanna hear the one
about Hagrid's dad and Hagrid's mum
I really do think that that's nearly impossible
And I think there's probably a good story there
For book 8
I want a book 8
I want a book 8
And I want J.K. Rowling to say that the epilogue was crap 'cause we all know it was crap
And I want J.K. Rowling to say that Voldemort had a son, and the story's just begun
And I want J.K. Rowling to say that she's writing book 8
She could call it Harry Potter and the....
I want a book 8
I want a book 8
Oh Harry Potter
I really do think there's a unwritten story and I think it's time to put fingers to keys for book 8.

The first time I saw you was the day that I hit puberty,
You played a beautiful girl, shunned by society,
It wasn't your fault, you just smoked one laced doobie,
That after-school special made me want to never do PCP.

Oh, Helen Hunt, Helen Hunt,
You make my heart do acrobatic stunts,
You stand and face the brunt of the twister of my burning want,
Helen Hunt, you know I'm Mad About You.
I saw you naked in The Waterdance,
It was As Good As It Gets in my pants,
And for that I really want to thank you,
Your husband's name was Hank, right?, well my name is Hank too.
Helen Hunt, Helen Hunt,
You make my heart do acrobatic stunts,
You stand and face the brunt of the twister of my burning want,
Helen Hunt, you know I'm Mad About You.
Once an ex-best friend of mine said he couldn't see
How an old and ugly actress could mean so much to me.
Well a minute later looking down at him bleeding in the snow,
I asked him who was Best Comedy Actress four years in a row.
It was Helen Hunt, Helen Hunt,
You make my heart do acrobatic stunts,
You stand and face the brunt of the twister of my burning want,
Helen Hunt, you know I'm Mad About You.
Helen Hunt, you know I'm Mad About You.

I’m gettin’ kinda tired of this
Pre-publication media blitz
You’ve got all of Muggle-kind under your spell
Don’t you know the whole world’s already gone
And reserved a copy at Amazon
How many more books could you sell?
Now give me my book or go to hell
‘Cause I need Harry Potter
Like a Grindylow needs water
As Saturday approaches my need grows
Oh Accio, Deathly Hallows
Incendio, book sales embargoes
It’ll be like phoenix tears on a broken nose
Accio, Deathly Hallows
I’m getting kinda petrified
What would Ron do if Hermione died
Or if Voldemort killed Hedwig just for yucks
I have no confidence
In theories about the Half Blood Prince
And what if Harry’s brain is a Horcrux
Oh, holy crap, that would frickin’ suck
‘Cause I need Harry Potter
Like a Grindylow needs water
And as Saturday approaches my need grows
Oh, Accio, Deathly Hallows
Incendio, book sales embargoes
It’ll be like phoenix tears on a broken nose
Woah Accio, Deathly Hallows
Oh, Accio, Deathly Hallows
Whatever’s up the sleeve of J.K. Rowling
I bet it has to do with Snape unbreakably vowing
To protect that Pureblood pus face Malfoy
But in the end I don’t think it’s gonna matter
If Snape’s good, or if he’s bad
Because the weight of the world rests on our boy
Yeah, the weight of the world rests on our boy
‘Cause we need Harry Potter
Like a Grindylow needs water
As Saturday approaches our need grows
Oh Accio, Deathly Hallows
Incendio, book sales embargoes
It’ll be like Phoenix tears on a broken nose
Accio, Deathly Hallows
Oh Accio, Deathly Hallows
But mostly I’m just feelin’ sad
I know this could end real bad but
I wish it didn’t have to end at all
Yeah, I wish it didn’t have to end at all
‘Cause I couldn’t care more about Harry Potter
If Hogwarts was my Alma Mater
And as Saturday approaches my need grows
Yeah Accio, Deathly Hallows
Incendio, book sales embargoes
It’ll be like phoenix tears on a broken nose
Oh Accio, Deathly Hallows
Oh Accio, Deathly Hallows
Accio, Deathly Hallows
Accio, Deathly Hallows
Oh Accio, Deathly Hallows
Accio, Deathly Hallows

I hope you're somewhere warm and white, like the flowers in your car
That you've escaped this labyrinth of suffering wherever you are
I got a piece of you tucked away deep inside my mind
Memories of your poetry and drinking your cheap wine
Thomas Edison's last words were "it's very beautiful over there"
I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere
And I hope it's beautiful, like you
You're beautiful, I never really knew you at all
Your green eyes still shine with life in my memory
Your smell of grass, vanilla and smoke are still alive in me
I found a great perhaps in Blue Citrus and the smoking hole
Your end was my beginning with the kiss that I stole
Thomas Edison's last words were "it's very beautiful over there"
I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere
And I hope it's beautiful, like you
You're beautiful, I never really knew you at all
You were the storm that came and went like lightning
You struck me by surprise with the life I thought you might bring
Someday I'll forget your boozy breath I can taste still
We'll always have Crest, pranks, and Strawberry Hill
Thomas Edison's last words were "it's very beautiful over there"
I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere
And I hope it's beautiful, like you
You're beautiful, and I'm still looking for you
Alaska

Oh hello evil lady at the grocery store
It seems that you don’t know what the express lane is for
It says twelve items or less
But you’re exempt from that I guess
You started up an argument about coupons
Oh don’t make me kill you over 25 cents
I’ll give you a freakin' quarter if it makes that much difference
And you’ve just remembered something you forgot to get
Your husband’ll be right back with it
Okay, that’s it, I’m gonna kill you
Oh I’m gonna kill you
And possibly your whole family too
All I want is some courtesy
Kindness and maybe an apology
If you don’t get out of my grocery line
I’ll do the Scorpion’s Fatality and rip out your spine
I’m usually a very peaceful person
But I’m gonna kill you
I just wrote a note to the guy down the street
Who recently invested in a giant SUV
It said "I hope you know that we’re fighting a war
So you can get your fat ass home from the grocery store
You’d better trade it in
Or I’m gonna kill you"
Yeah, I’m gonna kill you
With a car bomb in your H2
I don’t think it’d be too much to ask
For you to be a bit less of an ass
I suggest you re-invest in a Honda Fit
If you don’t, you’re gonna regret it
I’m usually a very peaceful person
But I’m gonna kill you
It’s three a.m. and my neighbor upstairs
Is actually worse than my worst nightmares
He had some friends over for some late night Red Rover
And now, yeah, they’re practicing tap dance
Yeah, I’m gonna kill you
And all your loud-ass friends too
I don’t think it’d be too much to ask
For you to be a bit less of an ass
If I don’t get some peace and quiet
I’ll put you on a strychnine diet
I’m gonna kill you