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There are multiple types of fluid expelled from a biosex female’s body; two of them are both called female ejaculation. I realize this may be confusing. There is female ejaculate which can be similar in quantity and consistency to semen, and there’s female ejaculate which is more clear and abundant or it can be. This is a collections of my memories about the latter.

Memory

Age sixteen and I’m lying on the carpet and my boyfriend’s fingers are in my vagina, there’s no other stimulation of my body except the pressure he’s putting on the vaginal walls. Twelve times, spurts of liquid come out and saturate his hand and the floor beneath me, this continues every time we play and I call it surging.

Memory

A book my dad got me from a garage sale called “Our Bodies, Our Selves” tells me my surges are not urine and not abnormal.

Memory

I’m so curious, I investigate female ejaculation online and what I find tells me the liquid is beer piss resulting from woman drinking excess alcohol – I don’t drink alcohol.

Memory

Age nineteen, I’m sitting in my first apartment; reading and editing posts for a sex education forum for youth. There’s a post asking the fluid coming from a woman’s body in porn and my supervising editor the medical director of a hospital in Florida has already responded that this the result of an apparatus put inside the woman to create these fluid gushes. I stay up so late that night writing a rebuttal that challenges my male supervisor and his ‘education’ to this young person.

Memory

I come to discover that woman name Beverly Whipple has written a book and she calls my experience female ejaculation. I also learn about the Gräfenberg spot and think anything with a ‘G’ on it is a wonderful sex educator joke. Dr Gräfenberg was scientist who discovered the uniquely textured tissue on the anterior wall of the vagina so this spot was named after him and is often shortened to "G-spot".

Memory

I attend a performance of Vagina Monologues, the piece flood talks about a woman surging on the seat of her date’s white Chevy Valair and how the shame cause her to close up shop and view her vagina like a cellar, you just don’t go down there. I thought about how that could have been me.

Memory

A friend from grade school calls and talks about squirting. I could tell my friend felt insecure and reassured her the experience is normal and something to celebrate.

Memory

I visit New Zealand during summer break and there are surge pools along the ocean. Surge Pools. I take pictures and laugh with my travel buddy.

Memory

I’m teaching my first sexual finesse workshop on the g-spot and we’re all motioning “come hither”. I explain stimulation of the G-Spot is different than that of the clitoris. It can take more pressure and direct contact and it is also thought to be a technique for inciting ejaculation.

Memory

A classmate interviews me about female ejaculation in the school library for the magazine she works for because I seem like some sort of expert on the subject. I wasn’t, I just knew it wasn’t urine.

Memory

Producers of a film on female ejaculation guest lecture and show clips: women ejaculating as far as the wall in front of them. A debate ensues and the once family-like cohort of doctoral students breaks into female ejaculators versus non-believers. It is one of the oddest experiences in my education that my sex positive peers were discounting my own body, and criticizing that any discussion of surging, squirting, et cetera, suggests that there is superior sexuality to those who don’t ejaculate.

Memory

I hear about the Skene's Gland, that there’s an identified organ from which the fluid exits the body. It’s considered a para-urethral tissue, meaning it’s around the urethra, which is why fluid content is two percent urine: proximity. Ejaculation is also comprised of – oh we don’t know exactly – why is that.

Memory

I attend a conference at which the key note speaker emphasizes there’s a female prostate. He explains that the same embryonic tissue that creates the prostate in males, which feels good to stimulate, is present in female. No we’ve gone from beer piss to G-spot to Skene’s gland to prostate.

Memory

I start a sex education channel on Youtube and I’m asked regularly for an explanation of female ejaculation. I remember how a mentor, a medical doctor said it was from an apparatus. My colleagues, trained clinical sexologists, discounted it. And the UK banned depictions of it in their porn. An article in the Guardian sums it all up – “The question isn’t if female ejaculation is real, it why you don’t trust women to tell you”. When we credit people with their own physiological experiences, we can learn from them. When we accept that bodies are diverse and amazing and we don’t know it all, we’ll do the research. And when we know the how, the where, and the why and the what is in it of female ejaculation, we’ll under each other more and this will be wonderful as long as we continue to stay curious.