Good morning John, I'm on a plane.

No, I'm on the ground. No, I'm, I'm on a plane. I'm on the ground!

I'm on a plane! I'm on the ground! [sings] I'm on a pla-ane [sings] I'm on the ground. *Title sequence* [in the airport] What am I doing? What am I doing, I'm in an airport.

What am I doing? Maybe I'm making a video. [on the plane] *sniff* Something smells a lot like gerbils. [annotation: Background Lady finds Hank disturbing.] Are there gerbils on this plane? [in the airport] I was just watching the news up here. You can't get away from the news when you're in an airport, that is one of the fundamental laws of traveling.

There is always news. Apparently, it is okay for quadriplegics to own guns. [on the plane] One of my favorite things about riding in planes is the view out the window. It makes me kind of nauseous but I really love looking at it.

Check it out. [clouds] Yeah. Yeah, that's a good day for looking at landscape. [in the airport] I mean, duh. Just because you can't use something doesn't mean you can't own it.

I mean, lots of grandmas have internet connections. They can't use them, but they have them. [on the plane] Okay, I think I figured out what the gerbil smell was. I think that the parents behind me are using the smell of cedar to overwhelm the smell of baby poop.

It's not working anymore. I want the gerbils back. [in Hank's office] Hello! I'm back home!

I'm here to tell you that Natalie, communitychannel, told us to tell you what your favorite toy from your childhood was. This is mine, his name is Dexter, he's a stuffed ferret and I slept with him every day from when I was six til I was fifteen. [on the plane] There's someone sitting a few seats up from me who's reading a story about Octomom, and how she lost 145 pounds? And I'm like yeah, she lost 145 pounds when she gave birth to eight children. [in the airport] I hate people who are like, "first class is such a crass and inappropriate example of all the classism, the classism in our world." That's not first class you're thinking of. "Oh no, this guy gets to sit in a slightly bigger chair than I do, 'cause he has more money." I think the crass and inappropriate example of class you're looking for is that rich people get to fly across the country all the time, so that they can see their friends and families and do all kinds of cool business, while people who don't have money don't have that opportunity in their lives.

Just sayin' I have that opportunity. [on the plane] I have an interesting plane neighbor. Neighbor: Hello. Hank: What do you do?

Neighbor: I'm a sound engineer for Blues Traveler. Hank: So you travel around with Blues Traveler? Neighbor: I tour about five months out of the year with Blues Traveler.

Hank: What's that like? Neighbor: It's cool. It's fun at first, and then it slowly tapers into I Really Want To Go Home.

Hank: Yeah. I'm expecting that to be about how my tour goes. [in the airport] It's amazing how I can hate something so amazing. I sit down in a chair in Missoula, Montana, and I stand up from that chair in Seattle.

Like, I've been going at 300 miles per hour through the sky. I should be like, whoooo! But that's not what I'm like.

Instead my reaction to flying 300 miles through the air is a lot more like *groans* And now I'm going to show you some random clips from my trip. This is Seattle, downtown Seattle from the air. Hello Seattle, I'm a mountaineer.

And this is a wheel of a cart. Apparently I liked that. And then this landing!

Landing...now! Poof of smoke and everything. Pretty cool.

This guy had a snake on his head, I wasn't very impressed by that. And just in case anybody has any troubled teens. [in the airport] San Francisco, I will see you in two days. Everyone else, you have to wait your turn.

I'm going to put that graphic up one last time, even though I don't have any new information for the poor people in Seattle. Sorry. *Outro* *The Tour de Hank graphic*