Good morning Hank, it's Wednesday February 24, and this is the view out of my front window.

So Hank, as you know, today has been a tough day, I'm worried about a friend of mine, I was going to tell a ribald story about Red Green, the Miniature dachshund we grew up with. We called him Red Green because, A, we got him at Christmas, and B, he was red. I'm not really in the mood to tell that story, instead I want to talk about my weight loss, my cleanse, and how much I love nerdfighters.

So my childhood story is I used to be skinny, and then, despite all the happy dancing, I gained weight. In fact technically, Hank, since that photo was taken in 1995, I've gained 63 pounds. Now Hank, I'm happy to admit that I needed to gain the first maybe 20, but the last 43 were strictly optional.

Now Hank, you may remember in my last video I said: "By the way, Hank, just for future reference, I'm counting on you and the Nerdfighters to let me know when I get fat, and you failed on that front."

Well Hank, as usual, it turns out the problem was not Nerdfighteria, but my underestimating  Nerdfighteria. Because in November of 2009 a Facebook group was founded, and that Facebook group was called "JOHN GREEN IS FAT." So it wasn't that Nerdfighters didn't tell me I was fat, I just wasn't listening.

Hank, John Green Is Fat is one of the great Facebook groups of all time and its members have gone to extraordinary lengths to find every picture of me in which I look as fat as possible.

Here I am bragging about how I just ate a box of Cheez-Its. That's a picture from my friend (_?_) that was taken as I walked out of 7-11 at 3:30 in the morning. There I am eating pizza, and there's me eating a taco wrapped in a pizza.

Yello. Nah, I'm at the Pizza Hut. No, I'm at the Taco Bell. I'm at that combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. Oh, and Hank, then there's this picture, which is me during the five seconds I had a moustache with the word "pizza" underneath my face. I don't know why I love that, but I know I want it as a shirt.

So Hank, I want to thank the Nerdfighters for providing all that convincing and humiliating evidence that my puff was descending into my body. And the long and short of it is that since Henry's been born, I've lost almost 15 pounds. But Hank, I don't want you to worry about me and think I'm on some crash diet or something, I'm eating a lot every day, I'm just not eating, you know, french fries. And I started running, well, my version of running in which sometimes I am passed by people who walk fast.

Nerdfighters I'm sorry for wrongly accusing you of failing to point out my pudginess. Keep the humiliation coming in comments it motivates me. Hank, I'll see you on Friday.

Mmm... Pizza...