YouTube: https://youtube.com/watch?v=keX35xwlEQw
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Duration:03:59
Uploaded:2015-05-22
Last sync:2018-04-28 08:50
In which Hank is Angry About Stuff, because sometimes you just gotta let it out (and also because, when he asked, Twitter said that they'd prefer him angrily raving than just being funny.)

Rants are a weird thing, I don't think they're particularly healthy, but I do think they're entertaining. The main thing I want to avoid is getting angry at individual people...unless they're endagering others or clearly breaking a social contract (STOP USING YOUR CELL PHONES IN THE MOVIE THEATER!!!)

The first rant video is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xV_4EA-wrPc

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Good Morning John, I'm sorry about your face. I wanted to make a video for you, uh, to make you feel better, and I didn't know which kind to make, so I asked Twitter if I should do a rant video or a joke video. And man was it overwhelmingly in favor of rants. Why do you need to see me get angry instead of be funny?! Is the negative cognitive bias so prevalent in our society, and in our brains, that we can't just have a good time? So, that was my first one.   Let's talk about driving for a second. If you, uh, text while you're driving and you say 'well it's okay, cause I'm really good at it and I'm really careful.' What you're really saying is: 'Well, I haven't killed anyone...yet.' Don't! Don't! Stop, just don't ♪stop, believing.♪ Where did I...what's happening? This also goes for if you're waiting at a light, especially if you're the first in line and you're looking at your text message and the light's green. Now in this situation, I will honk at you. This is not an excuse to get angry at me, because you were the one not driving at a green light!  I apologize for being so rude to you, I guess I should have just sat there...forever...literally.    Speaking of people who are incapable of not looking at their phones every two seconds, if that's you that's fine, but don't go to movies. Just never do it. There's other ways to be entertained than watching a movie while checking Facebook with your brighter than the sun cellphone.   Topic change: People who mock others for their choice of major in school. Especially because it's almost always science people, like myself, going after humanities people. I'm sorry to bring this up, but interacting with and creating for other humans is one of the only things that computers are not getting really, really good at really fast. So humanities jobs are actually pretty safe from being automated away, so maybe don't be so entitled.   Also people who mock others for using words like "bae" or "boo" or "slay:" look, language is fluid, and subcultures define themselves by using slang terms; you do that too. What you're really saying when you complain about other people's slang words is: 'my subculture is better than yours.' Which of course you do believe,;we all believe that, but getting up on your soapbox and shouting about it makes you look pretentious and patronizing. So, yeah, if your definition of rant is just complaining about people who happen to be different from you: you're a big bag of farts.   Do you run a website? Are you thinking about requiring the users of that website to do something? Do not ask them if they would like to do that thing if you're going to require it. Because if I"m asked, and I click 'no, I don't want to do that.' And then the website says 'okay, we'll ask again later.' That's not a good user experience!'   Like all cars have screens in them now. I don't have a car like this but all the new ones do. Here's what I've noticed, instead of using the absolutely free and wonderful Android operating system, car companies have insisted on creating their own operating systems and software. And the software is awful! Congratulations on making a brand new car feel like a first generation iPhone. The software is so unresponsive, you hit a button and then it's like 'Oh, let me think about that for a second.' And then you're like, did you register that I hit the button?' So you hit it a few more times. And then the software is like 'Oh, let me register all of those punches in sequence on multiple screens as we go through. Even though you couldn't see these things when you were hitting the buttons.' And suddenly you've reached some obscure place inside the software, and you've lowered your dash lights in a way that you'll never be able to figure out how to undo.   Hey if somebody is like, "Please don't use that word in that way; it makes me feel bad about myself." How about you don't get all defensive, and start defending yourse--just don't use that word in that way because it makes them feel bad about themselves!   Now if you've ever talked about leveraging online influencers to connect with digital natives through mobile snack-able content, you're fired. Just go to your desk, get your stuff, leave.   I went to school for like 85 years and no one ever taught me how to do my taxes. What? What the?! Why wouldn't you?! School's paid for by the government, and they want you to pay taxes. Why wouldn't they teach you that? Also, I know how to do long division...why? Why do I know how to solve a quadratic equation without knowing what a quadratic equation is? Wha? Maybe that should have been the time when you were teaching me how to do my taxes. Also cursive writing, do they still do that? Because, ugh, I was so bad at it and I spent so much of life learning how to do this thing that I've never done.   And finally, my final rant of this rant video: cable news. Ughhh.   Thanks for watching John. I hope you enjoyed it and I'll see you on Tuesday. You can watch my first rant video over there, also the giraffe love design is back except with better colors - it's shiny, and we got new tank tops for summer.