Good morning, John.

I have some very bad news, and it has no effect on your life or anyone else's lives, only mine. My life has been ruined. I'll show you what ruined it.

This. Ahhhhh. Yes, indeed, my loving brother, that is how angry I am.

Angry enough to deface my Macbook. Ugh God! ... It's heavy. -Anger dance- Hey look, I'm back on the iSight camera, because I deleted the video that I made for you back in Missoula, Montana, and now I'm at a hotel in Maine, getting ready to take off at, I'm serious, four o'clock in the morning tomorrow.

This sucks. I'm so sorry. One iSight video, you can take that as a dramatic- what are you doing?

Stop changing colors like that. Stop it! Just... normal!

Make me normal! Why is everything going wrong? One video with the iSight camera and that can be taken as a dramatic statement about the disconnect between me and my normal lifestyle.

Two videos with the iSight camera is just ridiculously unprofessional and I apologize. Grrrrrrrrr. This weekend I was hanging out a lot with my nephew Jesse and he had a balloon toy that you go boom boom boom boom boom, and he was playing with it, and then he hit it on a cactus or something and it went pfff, and Jesse looked at it on the string, it was hanging off, he was looking at it, he's three, and he said, he's like, "It's...

It's..." and I looked at Jesse and I was like, "Jesse, that's just part of life, all things are ephemeral" and for some reason I just like talking to three year olds that way. What he wants to hear is, "cookie" and what I say is, "This is a lesson on the ephemeral nature of all things." Well, let me tell you what, when I noticed that my video had vanished, I didn't want a lesson on the ephemeral nature of all things. I didn't even want a cookie.

I wanted to throw that microwave oven right there out of the window of the hotel room, and that is a lesson that I learned today. Also because it's vacation and this is what happens to me on vacation. Let me give you one final bit of brain crack to end up this impromptu video.

You know how sometimes you're taking a nap, and you wake up right at the precise right moment, and you feel awesome, totally refreshed, and you're ready to get up, and charge out the door? Sometimes this even happens to me after a long night's sleep, and then sometimes I'll wake up and I'll be like, "No. This is wrong.

This is bleh." I think this has something to do with sleep cycles and what I want is, like, a wristwatch, or something that clamps on my head that can tell what sleep cycle I'm in and then wake me up the precise right moment when I'm right coming out of REM sleep or, I don't know I'm not a sleep scientist. I just want it to wake me up at the right time in my sleep cycle. I also want an alarm clock that can wake me up with the sound of cooing pigeons. -Coos like a pigeon- That is the noise that I wanna wake up to!

Why is it so hard to have a pleasant noise that wakes you up? Every alarm clock I've ever had in my life makes this noise, "meep meep meep meep meep meep". Why would I wanna wake up to that?!

And on that particularly spastic note, John, I will see you soon.