[Nerdfighters at gathering]: "Good morning, John! It's Wednesday!"
John, that was the Nerdfighter gathering that you missed because of your stupid gall bladder. Everyone that was there, I think, can attest that it was fun without you nonetheless. Evanna Lynch both looks and sounds like Luna Lovegood. Weird.

Speaking of meeting famous people, Vidcon is, like, eight days away [screams of anxiety]. I would be crazier, but I hurt my neck at LeakyCon [groans]. So, yeah. Vidcon. I'm not freaking out at all. No worries.

Oh, hey - check it out. I'm wearing my Ellen Hardcastle shirt. Ellen Hardcastle shirt [available now at DFTBA.com, says screen display]. Pretty freaking sweet. I look hot in it. Check out my pecs! Yeah! Mmm! Pecs! So, yes. If you want your pecs to look good, this is the shirt for you. I'm not wearing the ladies one, so I don't know. I'm not gonna talk about your pecs, ladies.

Somebody gave me these at LeakyCon. I'm putting them on right now. What are they? Yeah, I'm putting them on -- there they are [reveals giraffe finger puppets]! Giraffe love [the puppets kiss]. Yeah, you guys, you go at it! Yeah! Oh, that's hot! Really, it should be two dudes, from what we've learned about giraffe love [the puppets are dancing now]. Oh, my G_d! They're cute!

Hey, I have an idea! Let's act out my entire album -- I just had this idea -- with these giraffes. Okay, go!

[The excerpts of the songs (listed in sequence below) play as the giraffes dance and Hank smiles and lip-syncs].
1. Strange Charm
2. This is Not Harry Potter
3. Shake-a-Booty
4. Phineas Gage
5. My Phone
6. BFAMOALOAC (feat. Dan Brown)
7. What Would Captain Picard Do? (WWCPD)
8. Fermi Paradox
9. Farmville
10. Makin' Babies
11. Cable News (feat. Rhett & Link)
12. Chat Roulette (feat. Luke Conard)
13. Brigid & Samantha
14. Adult Female
15. Amber Lamps

Ooh, threesome! That was... That was weird. That was all 15 songs of my album in a minute and twenty seconds. These [shows inside of Ellen Hardcastle CD case] aren't lyrics. The lyrics are online. These are actually descriptions of the songs.

We did not initially send out the email telling you how to send me your ten-word scripts. We have now done that, and if you bought the CD at LeakyCon or are about to buy it at Vidcon, you can send a picture of yourself with the CD [holds CD up] (so I know that you have it) along with your script, and I will... I will make your video ["hardcastlevideos@gmail.com" is displayed on-screen].
We are also (because of the confusion) extending the time-period. I am clearly not going to be filming until after Vidcon, so let us extend the offer. If you buy in the next 14 days, then I will take your ten-word script, and I will make a video, and I will put it on my new Hardcastle Videos YouTube channel ["youtube.com/hardcastlevideos" is displayed on-screen"]. I will link to it below.

Also, if you have bought the physical CD, don't forget to listen to the last track, which is a secret track, and it has some instructions for you if you would like to, uh, be in a music video with me.

Oh! And I just got off the phone with Billboard. Billboard, the people do music charts -- they called me, and they were like, "We just saw that this album is charting and we're not sure what it is." I was like, "Yeah -- that's my album!?" They wanted to know some information about it so that they could put it in the frikkin' charts! In the charts, people! You made me chart on Billboard [nonsense excitement noises]! Thank you!

That was only half-pretend crying. I'm a little bit teary. John, I'll see you on Wednesday.