Charlotte: See? No boob close-ups. 

Lizzie: Or you could have edited that part out.

Charlotte: People like the DIY look. The video feels more authentic when it's not too polished. 

Lizzie: Didn't you draw devil horns on me?

Charlotte: And you're on!

Lizzie: Uhh my name is Lizzie Bennet and... Charlotte's back!

[Intro plays] 

Lizzie: Where were you anyway?

Charlotte: You know, uh, family stuff. 

Lizzie: Family stuff? That's code for torrid affair, right?

Charlotte: No, it's code for my aunt got sick.

Lizzie: Sure it is.

Charlotte: Would you get back on script? No one cares about my aunt. 

Lizzie: Yeah. We seem super authentic now... Anyhow, starting over, things are finally starting to get back to normal after the big Gibson wedding. Or as normal as they can be when your older sister is contemplating an arranged marriage.

Charlotte: Over drama much? 

Lizzie: My mother picked out the man she wants my sister to marry. That's not normal.

Charlotte: By that definition, friends setting you up on a blind date is an arranged marriage.

Lizzie: Except in this case, you replace friend with crazy mother!

Charlotte: What's wrong with Bing? I mean, besides the fact that your mother likes him. 

Lizzie: Well, he's-- (silence)

Charlotte: [as voice-over] Hey Lizzie, do not taunt the girl who does your post-production. 

Charlotte: Hey everyone, Lizzie's having a bit of a crisis because her sister Jane actually likes the guy her mother wants her to marry. A guy who, it turns out, is actually pleasant, and nice, and funny, but that Lizzie had already made up her mind to hate. And Lizzie hates changing her mind. 

Lizzie: Anyway the true brain-bender of the week is that despite how rich, handsome, and single he is, my mom is not trying to use the most awkward dance ever to marry me off to William Darcy. Which is still, by the way, a totally stupid and pretentious name. So it suits him perfectly. But normally, that would not be an impediment for mom insisting that he's perfect for me!

Hey Charlotte, did you tell my mom what we heard Darcy say at the wedding?

Charlotte: I told her I heard him say that he thought this town wouldn't know a Barney's from a JC Penney.

Lizzie: No, the thing about me.

Charlotte: Would you rather she was trying to get you two together? Because I could tell her that I heard Bing tell Mrs. Gibson how painfully shy Darcy is. And how glad he is she invited him because Darcy's been here for weeks and this is the first time he's met anyone. 

Lizzie: He said that? (Charlotte nods)

Well I don't care! William Darcy is still stuck up, humorless, and the worst dance partner ever. And not friendly! He spent the whole night lurking by the back wall. If you dislike people that much, you should bail on the party. No, I sat by the wall to prove a point to my mother. He did it because he thinks he's better than everyone else.

It's totally different. It is.

[Outro plays]