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In which Hank blows through the first few test chambers because he LOVES PORTAL and is very excited about Portal 2 coming out. So, yeah, it starts out pretty easy if you know what's going on, but it's gonna get hard soon!
Hello, and welcome to Hank Green Plays Portal. I don't have a clever name for this one because the game is called Portal and that's all it's called, but I love Portal. It's one of the best games of all time. Very excited about Portal 2, so I wanted to play through Portal 1.

(0:16) Uh, previously I played on the Xbox, so this is a new experience for me. I'm not sure what to do. Got a radio, though, that's good. This is counting down to when I get to get out of this little room. I've obviously broken some stuff. I thought it was a tiny briefcase, but it's a piece of the coffee mug.

(0:41) Hey. If you can see that, that's all the problems that you can run into. I should turn on subtitles, let me turn on subtitles. 'Cause I'm talking over it, I apologize. Umm, options, audio, closed captions. Okay. Okay. Clicking okay. Apply. Apply. Subtitles. Okay.

(1:19) (GLaDOS: Please refrain from touching) Please refrain from touching. Wzzzzz- Oh, yeah, you can see the Spanish there, for a second. Open that portal!

(1:35) You see my funny feet? There's my funny feet. With my funny clothes, and this thing is just hovering in front of my face because that's how I hold stuff. Okay. Doing the portal thing. 

(1:50) Drop me a cube. Lovin' a cube. Dropping a cube. No, get it on there. Great.

(2:02) (GLaDOS: ...note the incandescent particle field across the exit) You got it. Yes, I saw it. I know about the incandescent particle field, you don't have to teach me about it again! This is not new information for me.

(2:23) Oh, cube. Where am I going? Down here. Nope, that's not what I need. Nope, that's not it either. (GLaDOS: ...Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button) Super-Colliding Super Button. That's not weird. Get through the portal - I missed it. Gotta wait for the portal to come back.

(2:49) Yeah, I don't - It's hard to describe why this is such a good game. Uh, because in addition to just being a great puzzle game, it also has this freaky story that I just love. And GLaDOS is just such a great villain, and so like, I don't know, I don't know. I'd have to write an essay about it to understand it. 

(3:17) Wow, I never noticed these sparklies up here. This is probably giving me cancer. Not that cancer is my immediate concern in this game. Worse things probably going to happen to me throughout the process of Aperture Science testing. Like, for example, dying.

(3:37) (GLaDOS: unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill) Yeah. Material Emancipation Grill. Yeah, not a fan of the Aperture Science process. Hello, I'm here. Give me this portal gun!

(4:05) Obviously I've played through Portal before, like I'm, so I know what I'm, I know what's going on. I've done this before. Just twice I think.

(4:15) (GLaDOS: These intra dimensional gates have been proven to be completely safe. The Device, however, has not.) Heh. Right. So the gates are safe; I should not shoot myself with it. I wouldn't want to know what would happen if I shot myself with the portal device. 

(4:31) (GLaDOS: ...under no circumstances should you [bzzzpt]) Like do that, for example? I shouldn't do that, right? Going back, getting out of here. Who needs it?

(4:48) Aperture Science you are not nice. You are not a good company. I would not buy your stock. I like how it's padded in here. Why is it padded? For the crazy? For when you go crazy playing this game?

(5:09) I was trying to do a thing. That's right! Figured that out. I didn't even have to think about that. Not sure where I'm putting this actually. Where am I putting this? Here? I know. I'm a talented MOFO.

(5:41) (GLaDOS: ...we will not monitor the next test chamber) And thus the lies begin. That is our first, official, definitely a lie. I guess not, actually, you've been lying to me for the whole time, haven't you? God, GLaDOS, the cake, and everything else, is a lie. 

(6:03) Yeah, you're not, you're not monitoring me? What is that thing then? Hm? Where did that end up? Up there? How do I get up there? 

(6:23) (GLaDOS: not destroy vital testing apparatus) Yeah, you're saying that, but what I'm hearing is "destroy vital testing apparatus" because you're not even supposed to be paying attention right now. 

(6:36) Nope, I need to do this, and I walk through this and then do that and then walk through this and then do this. Good. So now I have opened this door. What are we doing? Where am I? 

(6:54) (GLaDOS: ...our previous statement...was an outright fabrication) Right, so you admit to lying one time? (GLaDOS: ...we will stop enhancing the truth in Pffff! Countdown to truth! Oh GLaDOS, you're like a, you're a companion, but not a friend. You're not like my companion cube. Which is a real friend.

(7:28) (GLaDOS: Subject Name Here)Ha! Subject name here. We're going back up. That's right!

(7:45) I totally missed some stuff there, because I was uh, I'm too familiar with how this works. Uh, so if you're trying to follow along and figure out and you've never played Portal before, sorry if I'm confusing you with my speediness. Trust me, things will get less speedy as I go on.

(8:05) (GLaDOS: use the Aperture Science Unstationary Scaffold) Right. Unstationary. Not what I like to hear, in general.

(8:32) Is that more on top of where I need to be? All right, where you at, unstationary scaffold? There you are. I'm on this thing. Not 100% on where that is - oh right, okay, over here. Good, good. 

(8:54I am Portal genius! So we're going to get through a lot of this game in the first episode of Hank plays Portal, but trust me, things will slow down as the time goes on. Because the game becomes much more difficult as the time goes on. We're loading, and now open up for me friend.

(9:16) Okay, what am I looking at? Portal number eight. Yeah.

(2:29) Oh no, I need this first. And then this. Nope. Whatever I'm doing, was wrong. Oh right. You're going to peter out. Damn! Damn and blast. 

(9:53) Get through there, and then go through, good. Now are you going to do it, is it going to be right? Yes! I am the master of Portal!

(10:10) Alright. Unstationary platform please come on by. A little faster than that. Could be a little faster. That would be fine. Any second now.

(10:25) Yeah, that consequence for failure looks really gross. That is one of the grossest consequences for failure I've ever seen. It's like, got a lot of dissolved human tissue in it. 

(10:41) (GLaDOS: Please not that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience.) I don't believe you.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of Hank plays Portal, but I'm ending it here. Next time you will not see me and I will not see you, but you will hear me playing Portal, one of the greatest games of all time. Goodbye.