John: Hi, I'm John Green, this is CrashCourse World History, and today we're going to make it rain! We're going to talk about money, the stuff that makes the world go 'round. (pauses) It's good. What? (incomprehensible giggles from offscreen) 
John: Oh, I don't know. I don't know how to make it rain. Do I have to do it again?
Voice offstage: Yes.
John: (bleeped out) What do I do? I do like... yeah? And then just be like... (motions with hands)
Voice offstage: Yup. do this, flatten your palm and fan with the other hand.
John: (laughs) Like this?
Voice offstage: Yup. Er, give me some fingers. Yup. Exactly.
John: (bends over) Okay. (laughing) This is such a stupid joke.
Voice offstage: That's how it's done.
John: Alright.

John: Come on, Marc. You're better than that. You're better than that, Marc!
John: The Congo. (pauses) Wow! What the (bleeped)

John: The end of humanity. (turns around) Really good and terrible! 
(laughter from offscreen)

John: What is the, uh, what do I say before the Open Letter?
(incomprehensible from offscreen)
John: Right, but what do I say to get there? 

John: (spinning globe) We're going to focus on Eth...Nope! 
John: We're going to focus on... Nope.

John: Cue the swiss-tage. Nope. Cue the swiss-tage. Nope.
John: But city-shapes...Bla.
John: But World War Wone... (mumbling) World War Wone?
John: Minister Katoya (to himself) Katoya? Katiya? Katillia?
John: An aggressively Ilamic... Ilamic?
John: ...by Wolfgang Schvievelbutch! Schievelbusch! Schievelbush!
John: Coins, with a standard size and weight... I-I-I did this thing, which is probably not good. (shakes head) Probably shouldn't have done that particular gesture.

John: He looks at Middle Easterner Sayi Jamal Alif al-Afghani, Ling Chi Cao from China, and Rab - (laughs) We got to do this as three shots. There's no other way.

offstage: Malthuseseses.
John: Malthus, Malthus' essat, Malthuseses, Malthus?
offstage: Malthus's essay, yeah.
John: Yeah. This essay..

John: Anybody with a pow... With a pow?
John: How far off am I? (laughs)
John: Hold on. (sips drink, then sighs). It is. 

(John stares silently for a while.)

John: We're also going to talk about the two most important Mongol empires, Ackbar and I don't know how to say that guy's name.

John: (makes strange sounds with tongue)

John: Most of the Mongol rulers, especially Ackbar and...
offstage: Mongol.
John: Mongol. Moogol. (laughs)

John: Every episode of Fallen Stars involves a cannon. 
John: That's the shtick, is that they then get to, like, (air quotes) if it fires, I'll pay you thirty thousand. And then they're like, (buzzing noises) pow. There's a big explosion. 

John: (sighs) I hate myself. 

John: (stares silently for a while)

John: (sneezes) Okay. Sorry, that was really loud for you, I bet.
John: made people fear that the Germans were eager for war. Did that sound read at the end?

John: What? I go to math parties. That's cool. My point is, dammit, what is my point?
John: I like to make fun of the English. They've earned it. 
John: (laughs) China would never do that. Oh, wait. (laughs) Is that too long of a pause?
John: Does he have another joke? 'Cause I have another joke. I'm gonna make one more joke. Umm... I don't have the joke. Is that a problem?

John: German peasants in Frisbea had revolted against the empire in 1515. (looks up) What?
offstage: Frisia.
John: Frisia. Frisbea. Frisbee. The land of Frisbees!
offstage: Yeah, that's where they were invented.
John: Ruling over... (laughs) It's like how you can only call champagne "champagne" if it comes from Champagne.
offstage: Otherwise it's a flying disc.
John: Exactly. (laughs)

John: Not to be confused with the lost archy of the covenant. Did I sell it? 
offstage: No. It was very hesitant. It's fine.
John: (laughs)

John: A famine in Guangdong claimed the lives of as many as... (sighs) I got through Guandong and then couldn't get through "of as many as."

John: The Rwandan genocide of 1994 is familiar to many Americans, often as an example of the importance of American power in the face of post-Cold War problems.
offstage: Let's say impotence.
John: Uhh... (laughs) Let's.

John: We'll continue our discussion of war next week. See you then. (laughs) 
offstage: It's a little too long a pause maybe

John: Thanks to you for watching, as we say in my hometown, don't forget to be awesome. (rolls offscreen) Woop! Oh, that was hard. Nobody's injured.