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[Intro Music: I fucking love science, Holy Fucking Science]

Hank: I don't know if you're full of shit or not. There's no way for me to tell so...
Caitlin Hofmeister: Yeah, 'cause it just smells like sulfur.
H: So put your pants on, weirdo.

H: Have you ever killed a fox with a geology hammer?
Katelyn Salem: I haven't killed a fox yet.
H: You can't call yourself a geologist then.

H: You will definitely have to kill some kind of phallus walking around on two nuts.
Michael Aranda: Yes.
CH: Holy Fucking Science!

CH: The only other place they've been found is in the rectum of geese.
H: Ow, my butt.

Ceri Riley: I don't think it would have destroyed the Moon.
H: No.
CR: But would have made it very unpleasant to go visit.
H: You know...
Reid Reimers: Would it be inhospitable?

RR: Now that Carl's dead we can get this...
H: Never!
RR: Oh what, she can joke about self-mutilation but I can't talk about Carl Sagan being dead?

H: Hello. This is a show about science that is not for kids. It's Holy Fucking Science.

MA: What if your rectum had the only thing that could totally clean the water?
H: I would take a big old dump in the Berkeley Pit.

CR: How can we be like 'Fuck you, Russia'.
H: Russia sent a tin can into space. Nuke the Moon!
RR: Fuck you, Moon.

H: What was the first animal in space?
Siri: OK, I found this.
H: Oh. But why can't you just speak to me like a human?

[Music: I fucking love science]

H: What!
CR: So they created...
H: Are you fucking kidding me!?

H: You know, that, the... that, you know, clams are mermaid pubes.
CH: What!?
CR: That's, what?
CH: Holy Fucking Science!
RR: Holy Fucking Science!

H: Kill a pigeon.
KS: That's a ruby I want.
H: And do this. Like a lasso.

H: God damn it, Siri!