Purple hair! I'm feeling sassy. Let's answer your sex questions.

[intro]

Q: What's a good way to meet ppl & form relationships, especially fellow LGBT+ people? I'm 17, so no dating apps, & I don't really go anywhere much.

A: Search for Nerdfighteria online and connect there or attend a meet-up in your area. Depending on where you live, there might also be a queer LGBT+ community to join. Volunteering for nonprofits is smart, especially if they're pro-diversity organizations, and it's okay to be the person who creates the event or club for people like you to find each other. My top suggestion to clients is to let your friends and family know you're looking so they can play Cupid.

Q: What do you do if you find it hard to keep your penis inside your partner during intercourse?

A: Like their body is pushing you out or they're bigger in girth than your penis is or your penis goes flaccid?

Without really knowing, I can only make broad suggestions: change positions, do kegels together, which we do as a group every week on Sexplanations Podcast, and focus on other behaviors like dry humping, fingering, and oral sex. Talk to your partner and troubleshoot together. Say something like, "I'm having a hard time keeping my penis inside you; what do you think about other positions?"

Q: Should people with penises pee after sex, or is this a vulva specific tip?

A: Yes, everyone pee! If the penis ejaculates, that's flushing out the urethra, but urinating can help flush out bacteria and the like. For context, we did a video about post-coital urination, reducing the risk of urinary tract infections.

Q: Are there any dangerous sex positions?

A: All positions can be dangerous if you don't have the trust, strength, balance, coordination, and/or anatomy to perform them. For example, missionary style, the most vanilla position. If I don't trust my partner to wait until my vagina has tented or if he doesn't have the strength and balance to hold himself up or the coordination to not thrust his head into my face, his anatomy could injure my cervix.

Q: Possible sex act diversity for a pre/non-op trans woman and a cis man?

A: This video on 150 sex acts and this video about trans sex specifically, which I've linked in the description.

Q: My first (and only) partner used me for non-consensual sex and now I feel guilty, dirty, and unworthy of anyone else. How do I move on?

A: I have videos for you, too. This one about recovering your sex life from trauma and this one on revictimization.

Q: 43, female, and never had PIV. Is it too late for me? (social anxiety and losing hope.)

A: I assume by PIV you're referring to penis in vagina sex, and it's not too late for you. Sexuality isn't on a schedule. Refer to the first answer in this video, or if you want to get right to it, post a comment below and let eligible people know you're on the prowl for penis!

Q: Do you think there's such a thing as a "normal" sex drive?

A: "Normal" refers to an average, and when it comes to sex drive, this would be a very difficult thing to measure and calculate. There are really too many data points, especially in human diversity for us to declare a normal, but I'm open to being wrong.

Q: What's your opinion on fetishes that contain elements that are outside of reality?

A: Fetishes, or more broadly paraphilias, are fascinating to me. I think because we're all different, it makes sense that our attractions would be different, too. What I think is unfortunate is when people experience an exclusive paraphilia, meaning they aren't able to get aroused without the person, object, or active attraction, and in the case of something that's outside of reality, they're kind of left unsatisfied.

For example, if you're attracted to giants, a form of macrophilia, and there aren't giants, then what do you do? Thankfully we have our imaginations, and there are people developing virtual reality to simulate sex with giants and other paraphilias.

Q: Is there any way for me to private message you?

A: Technically. You can send messages to sexplanationspa@gmail.com, but if you have a question regarding your personal life, it deserves more attention than what I can give it right now. My recommendation is to ask effyeahsexeducation [note: this no longer exists] on Tumblr, scarleteen, answer.rutgers.edu, sexetc, and goaskalice. They're all designed to receive anonymous questions about sexuality and give well-thought-out, thorough responses. If you're looking for one-on-one professional help, aasect.org has a directory on their site of sex therapists, counselors, and educators certified by their association.

Stay curious!

If you have questions for future episodes, please leave them in the comments. I'd also appreciate it if you gave this video a thumbs up and shared it with someone you care about, because that's how the work we do makes more of a sex positive impact on the world. Thanks!