Good morning, Hank, it's Sunday, June 28, 2009, and I'm angry!

Aaah!

(Intro)

So, Hank, as you know, in our two and a half year conversation, we've now uploaded more than 500 videos! Congratulations, by the way. And thanks to the awesomeness of nerdfighters, our videos have been watched lots and lots of times.

But not everyone who's watching them is awesome.

So, Hank, I'm going to read you some comments that people have posted in the last week on Vlogbrothers' videos. These are all direct quotes, except for every time they use a curse word, I'm going to use the name of a famous American poet.

"You Walt Whitman-ing Edna St. Vincent Millay! Go Emily Dickinson your mom!" Thanks for the advice, you pathetic piece of E.E. Cummings, but I think I'm gonna pass.

"You Robert Frost-ing Nikki Giovanni! Get a life, nerd! You're a virgin!" Ughhhhhh!

"Hey bro, you need to go outside and get some fresh air into you...or a girlfriend." I need to get a girlfriend into me? I think that shows a fundamental lack of comprehension about how babies are made.

"You are a complete Anne Sexton stupid!" Okay, couple things: first off, if you're accusing someone of being stupid, you should probably know that, in that context, "you're" is a contraction, and any time you're contracting "you are", it's spelled Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E! Oh my god, YouTube! Before you click "submit comment," read your comment and ask yourself, "DO I MEAN YOU ARE?" And if you do... you need an apostrophe!

Secondly, accusing someone else of being stupid implies that you have the intellectual facility to know the difference between stupid and smart -- a case that is not bolstered when you use stupid as a noun!

"This video is so Ralph Waldo Emerson gay!"
"You're gay!"
"You're a gay nerd!"
"Gay!"
(1:48)
Okay, YouTube. Apparently, we have to have a talk about this, because you're obsessed with calling things gay. So, I thought this was pretty widely known, but I guess I have to explain what gay means. Being gay means that you're attracted to people of the same gender. So a video can't be gay, because it doesn't have a gender. (2:03)

Hank, I never thought I would have to do this, but I think I have to explain to YouTube how insults work. When you're insulting someone, what you want to do is you want to make them feel bad about themselves. So, you want to paint them with character traits or identities that are bad. So, for instance Hank, if I wanted to hurt your feelings, I might say that you're a selfish coal-fired power plant. But to read YouTube comments, you would think that the worst thing in the world to be is not a selfish coal-fired power plant, but a gay, virgin nerd! (2:31)

We have this weird thing in the world where you don't get insulted for what you do, you get insulted for who you are. And ultimately, gay will never work as an insult because it's not bad! (2:41)

So, you want to call me a gay nerd virgin? That's fine! Believe me when I say you are not embarrassing me! You are embarrassing yourself. (2:50)

You want to insult me? Take a lesson from this guy: "You look kinda like that guy from Wild Hogs! lol." What guy from Wild... Tim Allen? I look like Tim Allen? Wow, Hank, that's a burn! (3:04)

Nerdfighters, on Tuesday, I'm gonna do a Question Tuesday, so please leave great questions in comments!

Hank, I hope you're having fun with Mom and Dad and the Katherine, and you'll see me on Tuesday!