Oliver Edwards: And welcome back to Wiki Wars. This week: an epic battle between people with the same first eight letters of their names. Sarah Green versus Sarah Gregory.

Joe Cook: The crowd is abuzz as both of their husbands, prominent Wiki Warriors, are in attendance today.

Sarah Gregory: Sarah Gregory. SMU. Theatre.

Sarah Green: Sarah Green. Northwestern University. Art Theory and Practice. What about graduate school?

O: Let’s head down to the pitch. Our combatants have taken their seats.

Round One

Michael Gregory: OK. Are you ready for your first Wikipedia site page?

Both Sarah’s: Mhhmm.

M: The starting point is Nicki Minaj.

S. Gregory: Oh yeah.

S. Green: I don’t even know how to spell Nicki.

M: Your destination is appendix.

O: Now it seems to me, Joe, the fastest way to get there will be by realizing Nicki Minaj is a human being. Ah, but Sarah Gregory is going into the supernatural.

J: She clicked on Fairy Godmother. I’m not sure about that since science has yet to prove that fairy godmother’s have appendices themselves. But here we’re beginning to see their diverging strategies. Sarah Gregory going as quickly as possible through many different articles while Sarah Green taking the slow clicking approach. She’s perusing that article looking for the perfect hyperlink that’s going to lead her to appendix.

O: Yes and we can only hope that for her sake that later on in the personal life section of Nicki Minaj article it will mention that she has an appendix.

J: I see John Green’s up out of the box.

John Green: Sarah, are you not good at Nicki Minaj?

S. Green: No, I know.

J: And a little husbandly advice there from John Green. I think if the referee overhears that he could be flagged for aiding and abetting. But he’s right. This is a game of clicks and Sarah Green is going to have to click on something.

O: I believe the referee saw the foul but he’s letting Sarah Gregory play on because she’s already ahead to Human Anatomy. And can she be ahead to the appendix? Yes!

J: Incredible!

S. Gregory: Oh wait, does that count?

S. Green: I’m not even close.

Evan Gregory: Yeah, that’s it. That’s the article.

S. Greg: OK, OK.

S. Green: How’d you get there?

S. Gregory: Nicki Minaj, Fairy godmother, Parent, Offspring, Biology, Organism, Animal, Human, Human anatomy.

S. Green: Oh.

E: Is Nicki Minaj a fairy godmother?

S. Gregory: I think she has an alter ego. It’s one of her characters.

J. Green: I don’t want to criticize, but I don’t think that’s the appendix.

E: I think that’s the scientific name for the appendix. The appendix or vermiform appendix.

J. Green: Oh, alright. I didn’t know it was there. It’s a surprise to me.

E: Yeah, right at the end of your colon, bud.

Round Two

M: Your start point is Sandstone. You both there?

Both Sarah’s: Yep

M: Your destination is Marcel Duchamp.

S. Gregory: I’m sorry, who?

M: OK, never mind.

S. Green: I know who that is.

S. Greg: Wait, I’m feeling… No, that’s OK. Just tell me what this Marcel Dushell is.

S. Green: A famous French artist.

S. Gregory: Famous French artist.

S. Green: 20th century.

S. Gregory: Marcel Du…?

S. Green: Duchamp.

S. Gregory: Champ. Mmm-k.

O: Very interesting, Joe, to see the never mind call from the referee on the pitch. A very rare call in Wiki Wars.

J: Yeah, ultimately the ref waved that off but it’s an even more unusual occurrence for a player to help her opponent here as Sarah Green helped Sarah Gregory out with the definition of Marcel Duchamp. But that’s a canny move on her part because this round really plays to Sarah Green’s advantages and her strengths as a player.

O: Yes, you’ve got to give the edge here to Sarah Green as an art curator but I believe her wealth of knowledge in the area might actually be bogging her down as we see her stuck here in sandstone and building materials.

J: That’s right. She’s definitely looking for a way into sculpture and art and that’s the path that Sarah Gregory’s already a bit farther down. Oh my, she’s clicked on the wrong Marcel. If Sarah Gregory doesn’t get her Marcel’s straight she’s going to find herself up to her neck in mimes.

O: Oh I wish you hadn’t said that Joe.

J: Oh, I’m terribly sorry. I forgot that’s how your father died. That tragic mime accident.

O: Yes, yes, just please don’t mention it again. It’s hard enough just looking at all these articles about France.

J: I know. I can still see those terrible photos of your dad trapped inside that invisible cube.

O: Clay! Sarah Green is looking at pictures of clay which is not dissimilar of course from mud or dirt (starts crying).

S. Green: I should have a sizeable advantage here since I actually know who he is.

J: I mean frankly it’s a travesty they couldn’t get the mime to testify. The guy just wouldn’t talk!

O: Sarah Gregory’s ahead. It looks to Marcel Duchamp. She’s there.

S. Gregory: I’m there.

J: And that’s the match!

J. Green: (Laughing) Oh! The curator is done in by the amateur!

S. Green: Well, you know, I hate to say this but I don’t use, uh, Wikipedia for my art historical research.

All: Oh!

S. Green: I don’t. I don’t so… you know. I should… I’m not creating excuses. It was a fair victory.

S. Gregory: That is no excuse.

S. Green: How did you get there?

S. Gregory: That is a life, a life trump right there.

S. Green: How… how did you get there?

S. Gregory: I just got to France.

J. Green: You got to France.

S. Green: You got to France. I tried, I, I…. That did occur to me and I gave you, I gave you the… where he was from. So, anyway.

S. Gregory: Thank you for that. I feel like we should share this victory.

S. Green: Yeah. No, no, no, no. It’s yours.

S. Gregory: It was teamwork.

S. Green: It’s yours.

S. Gregory: Alright.

S. Green: Yeah.

Buddy Halverson: Sarah. First off, a great match tonight. Can you share with us a little bit what was going on in your head? Those were a couple of really tough rounds. Appendix, Marcel Duchamp. Just share with us a little of what was going on.

S. Green: No, it was really brutal for me tonight.

B: Gregory Headquarters, widely known as one of the loudest arenas out there. How do you feel the crowd noise may have affected your play tonight?

S. Green: Well, uh, it was something. I mean, the husbands were there, we could feel their stress, it was palpable, uh, so it was actually almost like the silence was louder than, um, than cheering would have been.

B: Thanks for speaking with us. A hard fought match, good luck to you.

S. Green: Thank you.

B: Sarah, congratulations on your victory. What an incredible match. You covered geography, anatomy, celebrities. What was going through your mind? What was the experience like just being out there?

S. Gregory: You know Buddy, I just had to… you know, I went out there to play and I just had to play so I just played.

B: And we were able to see that tonight. We saw you play, it was incredible. Do you have anything to say to the fans out there?

S. Gregory: Uh, you know, I mean, uh… (garbled noises)… just play.

B: Well congratulations on an amazing match. Where do you go from here?

S. Gregory: Um, I think there are some other, um, women whose initials are S. G. that we could play.

B: Thanks for speaking with us and congratulations.

S. Gregory: Thanks Buddy.

J: I’d like to issue a formal apology for anything I said earlier in the broadcast that may have offended any mimes. Please tune in next week for Andrew Gregory, champion of the Gregory grudge match, versus John Green, king of the Nerdfighters. This is Joe Cook for Wiki Wars Network.