Good morning, Hank. It's Tuesday. A- as you can see I have not gotten the wall down, yet, but I have tried to make the best of a bad situation, y'know, by- by sprucing things up, a little. Ohhhhh, new Nerdfighters don't get these jokes and old Nerdfighters wonder why I'm still singing when I said I wouldn't do that anymore sorry.

(Intro)

Hank, today's video comes to you in two very special parts.

Part one: Willy's Secret Shame
So, Hank, Willy and I have had this long-time agreement that I would not share his secret shame with you and the Nerdfighters, and in exchange, he would not eat the things I love the most. He initially violated this deal by eating two legs and part of the face off of the Great White Wall of Cow, which, by the way, is a reference to my new book, Paper Towns, coming out September 22nd in paperback, but I'm getting ahead of myself, that's part two.

So, after the whole Cow fiasco, I sat down with Willy, and I said "Listen, Willy. If you eat one more thing I love, that's it: I'm sharing your secret shame." And then, yesterday, I came home after an errand to find this: A mauled, arm less figurine of the Wookiee who should be our nation's next president. Displaying the kind of irony that one does not generally associate with West Highland Terriers, Willy chewed Chewie.

That's right, Hank: Willy refused to let the Wookiee win and, instead, left behind a foot that will probably require amputation.

And, so now, I am honor-bound to reveal Willy's secret shame. Willy was born with an extra tailbone that, instead of growing straight, goes down, which means that no matter how hard he tries, my beloved puppy can never achieve a full tailrection. [Whispering] (It's always a little limp at the end.)

Part two: Paper Towns paperback
So, Hank, I'm working on this new book, and whenever I'm writing something new I can never think about anything except for the thing I'm writing, but it has come to my attention that the paperback of Paper Towns comes out in two weeks. So, if you haven't had the chance to read the book and you'd like to, I hope that you'll pick it up when it comes out on September 22nd! Or, you could just pre-order it in the sidebar right now.

So, because I'm super-excited about the release of the Paper Towns paperback, I will be giving away one copy of the book every day for the next fourteen days to my favorite ten-word comment at YouTube or at the Ning. It doesn't HAVE to be a ten-world Lolcat review of Paper Towns, although that might be a good strategy. And then I will read all the comments in a special video. Oh, and my favorite out of ALL the comments will win this: This is something called a playaway. It's like an iPod, except instead of containing like, all of your favorite songs, it contains only the audiobook of Paper Towns.

Oh, and a lot of people have been asking me about the Paper Towns movie. The movie rights, as most of you know, were acquired Mr. Mudd and Mandate, the people who made the movie Juno. I wrote the first draft of the screenplay, and now I'm getting started on the first big revision, so I'm going to be doing that when I'm not working on my new book.

So, yeah, be patient, but hopefully I'll have more of an update, soon.

Thanks to everyone who's read Paper Towns in English or Dutch or Italian or whatever or listened to it on audio. The books never feel finished until you read them, so thanks for making it feel done so that I can start a new one.

Hank, I'll see you, singing, tomorrow- I caught that!

DFTBA

- the way, I said I caught that implied that it was the first time I tried, which it wasn't. The previous time, I hit my own face.

Hank- augh, that hurt.