Oh, good morning, Hank.

Good morning, John.

It's Wednesday, I think. We're in Westport, Connecticut. We just got to the hotel and we are unpacking all of the current nerdfighter gifts, including an extra large World's Best Grandma shirt.

Perfect size for John Green!

Well, I don't know if you remember the book, but in the book it's too big, so it makes sense that it would be too big, but thanks for pointing out that I'm fat.

(2008 Intro)

Cows.

The great American Tour De Nerdfighting. Music, Ecogeeking, and Nerdfighting; Hank's passions. Culver Creek shirt. Culver Creek Preparatory school from Looking for Alaska. Just like Willy, he takes two steps and barks for ten minutes and then takes two more steps. The barking is insane! Someone got us three whole catfish wrapped separately, some Veet, six-pack of Mountain Dew, a dozen tulips, a bottle of water, a box of tissues, and a can of blue spray-paint.

Paper Towns Tour 11/11/08.

Oh, Peeps! Oh, Peeps! Peeps! Oh, Peeps! Fancy that! Amish friendship bread.

Amish hunger wonder bread.

Amish hunger wonder bread. It looks like this. I'm gonna taste it. Mmmm Amish-y. A puppy sized elephant piggy bank. Don't put too much of your money in there.

It's just like the American economy.

Oh, empty. Mystic Kingdoms the Crumbling Towers in your pants.

Team Zombie.

Because I prefer the hard truths of zombies to the easy lies of unicorns. Puppy sized elephants, rainbows.

It's all Velcro, so you can take it off and put other stuff on, too. God, I love rainbows.

Nerd duck!

That reminds me of Ze.

Yeah, that does definitely remind me of Ze. This says that I'm the chairman of awesome.

Cheerman?

Chairman. It's a special Christmas ornament for Willy!

Oh, that's cute.

Look! Nerdy's cereal. And then on the back, some Shakespearean insults. Thou mangled hedge born punk. This person says "Nerdy's is also a great thing to put on your head!" I went to finishing school and I learned how to do this.

That's what you learned in finishing school?

I certainly didn't learn how to dance because no one would dance with me at Crown school for dancing. The only semi-autobiographical thing in Paper Towns. I love these. Scrunch, scrunch.

Is that a Fresno lens? It is! That's awesome.

What's a Fresno lens? Really good for focusing sunlight on ants.

Also on solar panels.

Oh, really?

It's very confusing.

Okay, well, that's it.

How do I look? Other than awesome, I mean.

Fun house-y. Great white wall of cow!

That's hilarious. Wouldn't that be great if the Wonka company would recognize how much more awesome Nerds would be if they called them Fightin' Nerds? Oh, it's a Go Fast bar! Yeah, I'm gonna eat it.

Ughhh I wanna eat it.

Sorry, you can have some Amish hunger wonder bread. It's delicious too. And look, Hank, it's Bubbles the nerd-fighting puppy. That's, like, an exact replica of his cast. He's a cute little guy.

He's almost life size.

I miss you, Willy. Who's gonna pee on the floors in the hotel room without you? Just me, it all falls to me. I have to make the mess and clean it up. When you're around, you can do the peeing on the floor for me. I do miss him, man. It's crazy. When the stuff that you imagine becomes real, it is very gratifying.

COWS!