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Craig: Wow! You're right! Grace Bedell wrote to Lincoln and said,

Craig (as Grace): Mr. Lincoln, do you have any daughters? And you should grow a beard, because your face is thin. You'll look good with one.

Craig: And Lincoln wrote back,

Craig (as Lincoln): I don't know. People might consider it an affectation.

Craig: I'm not sure he actually wore a blond wig when he wrote that letter. That's entirely speculation on my part.

Even though he was worried it was an affectation, he eventually did grow a beard. Sparking the whole "beardgate" controversy in which Razors Incorporated saw Lincoln's beard as an attack on their industry, so they organized big shaving parties in public spaces where everyone got together and shaved their legs.
I just made that entire story up. Why do I lie to you? I'm sorry about that.

Clone 1: Let's move on

Clone 2: to

Clone 3: Round three!

Clone 2: Which one of you isn't wearing deodorant? Oh, that's right. You're all me.

Craig: Fact one: Alexander the Great was the first to order his troops to be clean-shaven because he wanted to decrease the amount of head lice among his men.

Or: The term "sideburns" is a 19th century corruption of the word "burnsides" after the... After who? Named after American Civil War general Ambrose Burnside. Yeah. Did that in one take.

All right, time to make your decizh. That's street talk for decision. 'Cause, when you're outside on the street, you don't have time for full words. You're too busy avoiding getting hit by vehics. Or getting muh: mugged. (Clears throat) Are you done yet? Are you still... still, uh, deciding? This would not take this long on the street. You would definitely be plowed by a vehic by now.