Hello and welcome to Hankgames without Hank. My name is John Green, manager of the sixth-place AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys.

(0:06) Guess who has a baby. Guess who has a baby. Guess who has a baby. Guess who has a baby. Guess who has a baby. Guess who has a baby. Guess who has a baby. Guess who has a baby! It's our captain, John Green, and his husband, John Green.

(0:18) By the way, Ginger Rampage, um, on the Crystal Palace team, uh, starting against the Wimbly Womblys today.

(0:26) It's John Green and John Green. They're back. They have a baby. Their baby is adorable. Adorable. Adorable. Adorable. Adorable! An adorable little boy. Do you know what they named him, Meredith? Do you know what they named him? Do you know what they named him? Do you know what they named him? John John. JJ, they just call him JJ. He's so cute. He's so little. He's a little baby. [indistinguishable] He's just adorable. He's just great!

(0:54) He came to the training ground, uh, yesterday. Uh, Bald John Green, uh, brought him, just, like, in the- in the baby björn. Can you imagine anything cuter than Bald John Green in the baby björn? Oh, my goodness! I could barely take it. It was just adorable. There he is, Bald John Green! Um, it was so- oh, to his husband! What a ball! A searching- oooooh! John Green to John Green!

(1:22) (sings) John Greens, John Greens, Bald 'n Other John Greens, they're the best forwards that Wimbledon has ever seen! (talks) Look at that hug that they just shared. Those are two men who have been waiting a long time to become dads, and they're just overjoyed. I love it! John Green to John Green. Starting it off right! He pauses to get it on his preferred left foot.

(1:43) Ginger Rampage can't get back in time. Devastated by his old pal John Green. Ohhh! And look at Bald John Green, just having the game of his life. Just- you can't stop him, you can only hope to contain him. Okay, there he is. To your husband! Ooooh, is it gonna be two?! No! I was fouled from behind! I was pushed down from be- oh, that's terrible. Unbelievable.

(2:05) Um. Yeah. So anyway. Uh, Bald John Green showed up at the training ground with the baby björn um, yesterday. And um, Other John Green was with him. And the baby, JJ, is just adorable. Just... The cutest, sweetest little thing. Um. Yep! So, yeah. I'm just so, so, so excited for them. And for the baby, who's like, maybe like, I'm not very good at baby- baby judging ages, but maybe like, two months old? I don't know.

(2:39) Still, um, not a great sleeper, I've been told, although there's always, you know, like, when, uh, in- in- in adoption, I guess, I don't know much about this, but, so you'll forgive me if I'm not an expert. I was just listening to the John Greens. But um, I think it takes a while. Obviously it's a huge adjustment to go from, you know, living in this group home environment to suddenly like, being alone. You're the only baby, et cetera.

(3:03) So, first few nights, not a lot of sleep. But John Green and John Green insisted that they both wanted to start today and Deeney and Dicko were like, well, we've been on an insane run, but we're certainly not gonna say no to that!

(3:16) Um, and Dicko- Dicko was so nice. It's been great to see like, Dicko like, in his role as like, the guy who's been a dad for the longest, among the Wimbly Wombly players. Like, I can go in and talk about it, but with a manager, it's always a little bit of a different vibe.

(3:31) Um, but it's been great to see Dicko talking to John Green and John Green about like, how much is the baby sleeping? And like, is he eating? And how big are the bottles? I guess you only have a four ounce bottle when they're this little. They only take four ounces of formula a night. That's just amazing to me, to think about. Um, four ounces to keep a human being alive! Isn't that weird, Meredith?

(3:54) Aren't- aren't you excited to have a baby? I know, I know! I can tell. (laughing) Oh, Meredith has some news! No. God, that would be a shock. I cannot imagine a bigger surprise in this office. Maybe Stan having a baby would be the only bigger surprise. Um. I could buy- I wouldn't be surprised if it were Mark.

(4:13) Um, but- oh no. Oh, no. It's one-one. Campaña! Does that mean campaign or companion? I don't know. Anyway, congratulations to Campaña. You can't bring down my vibe, Campaña! Crystal Palace, with your fancy crystal palaces. You're not gonna bring down my vibe.

(4:31) By the way, South London Derby at the moment! I think. Right? Isn't Crystal Palace from South London? Meredith, can you Google that real quick? Um. Yeah, they can sing whatever they want. Uh, we- you know. We're gonna do our best to win here against mighty palace. Uh- uh oh! That's a nice ball. What's the news, Meredith? South London! South London Derby! Wimbledon versus Crystal Palace. You know, we're busy drinking champagne.

(5:00) Oh, you were offside you little cheater! Um. Yeah, we're kind of getting dominated at the moment, to be uh- oh, God! Oh, God! Thank goodness for Seb Brown. Saved two penalties against Luton Town to send us into the football league! And here he is, still saving. Still saving shots.

(5:17) Um, so anyway... The- things are gonna be- it's gonna be interesting to see how Bald John Green and Other John Green- I already feel like their lives are very, very different from what they looked like three days ago. It really does- I mean, obviously- this is obvious to say, but like... It really does, you know, change your life. Like, you, you know. There's no more- you don't control your nights anymore. Um. You know? There's no more going out.

(5:44) Oh, what a ball! Oh, what a finish! (sings) Bald John Green, John Green, he gives it all for the team, upon his moustache we're keen, Bald John Green, John Green.

(6:05) (talks) Um. Oh, by the way, Meredith, I heard this reporter singing great uh, a great song about um, about AFC Wimbledon and their relationship with Nerdfighteria yesterday. It goes- it went like this: (sings) D-F-T-B-A! Don't forget to be awesome! D-F-T-B-A! Dons football's the best around! (talks) Isn't that good?! Yeah! I thought- I enjoyed it.

(6:28) Um... Anyway, maybe we'll hear that more from- ahhh, Hells Pells with a fantastic opportunity that he can't finish. Ohhh, man. Hells Pells has had a quiet season in the wake of the emergence of Dicko and Deeney. Um, generally our midfield has been responsible for way fewer goals than usual. Uh, Francombstein, Hells Pells... Uh, all of- the Gaulden child! All of those guys have really struggled for goals, but that's not really what they're about anymore, you know. They're about build-up play. Ya Bamba has not had a lot of goals this season, but it's about build-up play now.

(7:04) We've just- we're working this 4-4-2 to its absolute magisterial um, peak I think. Just as good as a 4-4-2 can look. Um, so... It's been difficult for the non-strikers, but I'm still very excited.

(7:20) So, I don't know! I don't know what the future looks like for John Green and John Green. Certainly it's gonna be um, an exciting time. But parenthood has a way of changing your priorities, you know. I think that um, already, you know, I see them paying attention to JJ in a way that, you know, that they used to maybe pay attention to football. But I think that's good! I don't think you- you don't want soccer to take over your life.

(7:46) And I told them, um, in the- at the training ground, when they brought JJ to meet everybody. Um, and of course, like, then they were also- they made- they brought hand sanitizer and they made everybody like, you know, hand sanitize up all the way up to the elbows before even like greeting the baby. No one was allowed to hold the baby yet, and everything. It was a very little baby so I understand the nervousness, but it was a little bit over-the-top.

(8:12) Um, but uh. But yeah. Already, you know, you could sense it. But as I pointed out to them, like... Dicko has had an extremely successful career um, with children. And lots and lots of footballers do it, from uh- you know who's a dad? Steven Gerrard! The greatest- the greatest and most handsome football player in the history of the world. So! That shows you that you can do it. Steven Gerrard, dad to two beautiful daughters. Um, just lovely kids. And good people as well. Good Liverpudlian values. Um. (laughing) Not that I'm biased!

(8:45) Uh, so, um. Yeah. I mean, you can do it. Lots and lots of players do. It's just that it's a little different when both caregivers are- when both parents are um, professional football players. You know, usually there's somebody to stay at home. But um, they're gonna be- you know, they're gonna bring JJ to training for a while, and get, you know, childcare during the day.

(9:10) We're trying to set up- Dicko has encouraged us on this front as well - we're trying to set up some childcare. Oh, what a great through-ball! No. But I mean, that was gorgeous. Gorgeous through-ball! I feel like the quality of the passing for the Wimbly Womblys has been miles ahead of last year. Um, just really proud of what we've done, in terms of passing. Um, obviously we struggled at the beginning of the season - a lot of one-nil losses.

(9:36) But we've sort of figured out the magic of the Y button. Um, and it's been going- oh, that was bad. That was bad. I'm talking about crisp passing and then we're about to give up a goal from non-crisp passing. Okay, everything worked out better than expected. Phew! Seb Brown. Look at him, covering that near-post like it was- just hugging it. Hugging it like he loved it. And uh- you were never gonna get through that sweet, sweet wall of Sebby.

(10:02) Um... Yeah. So it's been- I don't know. I find- I find a lot to be encouraged about. Um, as long as we can get some uh, some good childcare available to the players, and um... Uh, because I think that that's going to be a big part of making sure that John Green and John Green both continue to want to play for football and not- and don't say, you know what? Like, we have millions of dollars and we've been very blessed, and why don't we just go and take care of this beautiful baby?

(10:31) But we'll see. Hopefully- hopefully they're gonna stay- they're gonna stay with the Wimbly Womblys. We certainly- we love them, and as I pointed out to them, even though we didn't lose a game while they were gone, we still do need them.

(10:44) Speaking of need, I have a need for a goal! Damnit. Darn it. Sorry, I cursed. Alright! Let's see how we can do here- what are we gonna- ah, that's a good guy to pass it to. That was good thinking. That's a nice ball! Oooooh! Ya Bamba! (sings) Ya ya ya ya ya Bamba! Ya ya ya ya ya Bamba just scored a goal, just scored a goal, just scored a goal. Ya ya Bamba. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. Ya ya Bamba! Ya ya ya ya ya Bamba.

(11:25) (talks) I did that last one to make Meredith laugh! Look at that! A great diving header. It's just beautiful. I thought Other John Green should have gotten on the end of that, but then, he- he just- he knew ya Bamba was coming! Look at- ya Bamba just absolutely schooled his defender. It was like a- he was like a snake. He's like, I'm in, I'm out, I'm in, I'm out, I scored! Ya Bamba. Beautiful goal!

(11:45) (laughing) What snake does that? Shut up, Meredith. (laughs) That's what snakes do! They're in, they're out! You know. They're left, they're right. They're loosey, they're goosey! Et cetera! Everybody knows that about snakes! That's what snakes are famous for!

(11:57) Hey Mark. Are you ready to film Mental Floss? Your hair looks great today. Did you do something to it? Yeah, I'm just gonna- 'cause I could tell 'cause actually on the right side, when you turned, there was- it was sticking up a little bit. Um... Well, the Wimbly Womblys are winning again. Mark, we've been on an insane run. You wouldn't believe it. I don't wanna say that it's because I'm feeling a little better post-meningitis... By the way, I haven't mentioned in this whole video that I recently had meningitis! It's true, though.

(12:25) Oh, oh, oh, oh! Bald John Green, new dad, no give-up in him! Look at him. Look at him! He says, I wanna do it for JJ! But no, then he doesn't. Um. Yeah. But they both- it's great- I mean, ooooooooh! No. (laughs) That would have been awesome! What a steal that was!

(12:46) Yup. That's good. That's good. Yeah, get it out wide! I like it! I like the way you're thinking, hells Pells! Now cut back! Yes! Yes! BA-ooooh! For his son! For his son! Look, he's running- he's trying to find his husband! He's saying "where are you?!" oh, where is he?! Where is he?! Oh, he couldn't find him! (laughs)

(13:09) (sings) Bald John Green - (talks) he was right there! (laughs) why did you run away from him?! (laughing)

(13:14) (Bald John Green, John Green, he gives it all for the team, upon his moustache we're keen, Bald John Green, John Green!

(13:28) (talks) A wonderful performance from the John Greens, uh, in their first game back from having become dads to a beautiful baby boy. What a wonderful celebration it was, with goals from John Green, John Green, John Green and ya Bamba! Also, Campaña. But uh, not enough from Crystal Palace to defeat the mighty AFC Wimbledon Wimbly Womblys!

(13:56) Thank you for watching. Suck it, Palace! Best wishes.