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View count:15,721
Likes:579
Dislikes:7
Comments:56
Duration:06:27
Uploaded:2015-09-04
Last sync:2018-11-26 10:50
In which we discuss overcoming Imposter Syndrome, dealing with clinging parents, how to be more productive, how to get a passport, and much more!

VIDEO LINKS:
3 Tips to Overcome Stress & Anxiety!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vXfSTbZh8I&index=9&list=PLvdeRYvP0yPWuDfZOPMorvnCB7ez69Y83
Living at Home? 6 Simple Ways to Make It AWESOME!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tule6A_6YuI&index=59&list=PLvdeRYvP0yPWuDfZOPMorvnCB7ez69Y83
5 Crazy Simple Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get Things Done!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvYJ5SGOJiA&list=PLvdeRYvP0yPWuDfZOPMorvnCB7ez69Y83&index=54
How to Do ALL THE THINGS!:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExP1PisfjgQ&list=PLvdeRYvP0yPWuDfZOPMorvnCB7ez69Y83&index=28
How to Learn New Skills Quickly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbMNws7SFvA&list=PLvdeRYvP0yPWuDfZOPMorvnCB7ez69Y83&index=2
How to Tie a Tie, Kiss, Flirt, & More! (Top 10 Google "How To"s Explained)! : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukjo8MPW41A&index=52&list=PLvdeRYvP0yPWuDfZOPMorvnCB7ez69Y83

Support How to Adult on Patreon at http://www.patreon.com/howtoadult

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http://store.dftba.com/collections/how-to-adult

Merchandise from Mike (including "Reading Changes Us" and "Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost" posters!):
http://store.dftba.com/collections/t-michael-martin

"How to Adult" is a "life skills" edutainment channel brought to you by Executive Producers Hank Green and John Green. Subscribe for new videos every week!

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Created by:
Emma Mills & T. Michael (Mike) Martin
http://www.youtube.com/elmify
http://www.youtube.com/tmikemartin
Emma and Mike are also Young Adult novelists!
Check out Mike's debut novel, THE END GAMES, at all online booksellers, including
Amazon: (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062201816/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0062201816&linkCode=as2&tag=tmicmar-20&linkId=CF4ULRBEW6LATV3C)
Check out Emma's debut novel, FIRST & THEN, at all booksellers, including Amazon: http://amzn.to/1Kch7b0

Directed by:
T. Michael Martin

Edited by:
Nathan Talbott
(http://www.youtube.com/nathantalbott)

Executive Producers:
Hank & John Green
http://www.youtube.com/vlogbrothers

(Intro)

Both: Hey!

Mike: Let's A those Q's #5

Emma: 2Bpencil asks: "How do you cope with feeling like an imposter at work and in life?"

Mike: Well, there are somethings you could do to debate those thoughts. For instance you could list out your positive qualities, you could get a bigger perspective from a mentor or a mastermind group. But, I would say that you shouldn't maybe expect those feelings to completely go away. 

(text on screen: *even "real experts" may not feel like "real experts")

Emma: What's a mastermind group?

Mike: Like, a group of people with similar goals who kinda keep each other on track.

Emma: Where do you find that?

Mike: You make one.

Emma: Sounds like friendship.

Mike: Lets say you have friends but not all of them want to be entrepreneurs, and you want to be.

Emma: So, more specific goals.

Mike: Yeah!

Emma: Oh, so it's like a support group.

Mike: Yes.

Emma: Oh okay! Okay.

Mike: Yes, but with masters of minds.
It may be better to accept those feelings and to occupy yourself with the work. Like, for me, I've just kinda realized that its in my nature, it might be human nature, that negative thoughts are going to pop into my head every once and a while and those only have whatever power I give them by engaging with them. So when those things occur to me, I just accept them and I commit to doing the work I want to do anyway. And actually, I discuss this, it is called "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy," in our Stress video, which you can clickity-click right here to watch.

(text on screen: Self-doubt (in moderation) is both normal and healthy!)

Emma: Also, the more you get to know more people, maybe especially really successful people, you come to learn that the only people who never feel self doubt probably have a name

AT SAME TIME
Emma: Sociopaths
Mike: Donald Trump

Emma: FlirtyGirl3 asks: "How do I healthily change the dynamic in my relationship with my parents so that they understand all the time I'm an adult? I'm 23 and have been out of the house for two years and they can't let go. I love them so much but this is hard on me."

Mike: Okay, so I've got two thoughts on this. Just based on my personal experience and a little bit of reading on parent-child dynamics. One, even if they do understand that you're an adult, they are not going to understand it all the time. Like maybe during sentimental or stressful times, they're going to fall back on old default patterns and behaviors.

(Text on screen: 1. Parents will always be parents, even to adult "kids")

And that's okay. Like that is not a cause for panic. Even when we are adults, there are going to be times when we kind of want to be treated like a child. Like, we want to be, you know, we kind of want that unconditional love and support that some of us associate with childhood.

(Text on screen: 1.5. Even adults sometimes want to be "kids" around their parents!)

I just went home last weekend. A little bit of TMI, ladies and gentlemen: I just went home last weekend and I was like "Mom... make me... (mumbles)"

Emma: Awwww. You want to be taken care of, you want that comfort, sometimes.

Mike: Yeah. And number two, you can't control them, you can only control your responses to them. So if you're in a sticky situation, just kind of act as if they understand it. 

(Text on screen: 2. You can't control their parenting, you can only control your reaction to it.)

I would suggest on checking out our video on living at home with your parents. There are a lot of different techniques that'll apply to the situation.

Emma: Yeah.

Mike: Salerina asks: "How do you cope with the crippling realization that you are no longer a child and will one day die?"

(record scratch noise, confused faces)

Mike: Do you know what she's talking about?

Emma: Not a clue.

Mike: Do you think we should just accept it and kind of ignore it and try to lose ourselves in work and connecting with other people?

Emma: And meaningful relationships?

Mike: Yeah. Definitely

Emma: Yeah.

Mike: Good. NEXT.

Daydricksheep asked: "tips for self-control?" So, we say "Have a compelling why," a lot but, for a good reason. It's really important psychologically and emotionally to know, consciously, why you are doing what you are doing.

Emma: or why you should do what you want to do.

Mike: Yes.

Emma: Because this is about self-control right?

Mike: Yes. Remember that will-power is a finite resource. Neuroscientists and President Barack Obama recommend a few different habits including:

(text on screen: 1. Minimize number of decisions, try forming routines (food, clothing, etc.))

Emma: Avoid decision fatigue by minimizing the number of decisions you have to make. For example, by eating or wearing the same things daily.

(text on screen: 2. Complete more difficult tasks earlier in the day) Do the hard things first in the morning.

(text on screen: 3. Willpower isn't the only factor-mind your surroundings, try not to give yourself an "easy way out") 
Remember that sometimes its not as much about willpower as it is about environment and convenience.

In other words, say if you want to cut down on your interwebs time per day, take willpower out of the equation by unplugging your wireless router or downloading an app that will restrict the time you can spend on the internet every day.

(text on screen: Internet restricting apps: Freedom, LeechBlock, Anti-social, etc.)

Mike: We actually discuss this a little bit in our "how to stop procrastinating video" and we will put a link in the dooblydoo.
Allshalldelight asks: I'm moving to a new city and starting my first full-time job! How do I make myself seem confident when in reality I have no idea what I'm doing?" Well, first off (cheering noises in background) Congratulations, that is awesome! From How to Adult to you, (thumbs up) yeah.

Emma: You're doing it! You're doing the thing.

Mike: A lot of times, I think we are like "Oh man, I hope the real adults don't find out, while I'm having a job and moving to a new city, that I'm not a real adult."

(text on screen: *even "real adults" may not feel like "real adults") When in fact, the act of moving to a new city and doing the job makes you an adult.

Emma: You're doing it.

Mike: Yeah. Be easier on yourself.

Emma: You're probably more equipped for this job than you think. As we've learned from discussions with hiring managers, people are often hired not only for their skills but for their personality and their willingness to learn.

(text on screen: Knowledge is important. Being willing/able to gain more knowledge? Also important!)

Mike: So, go ahead and learn. Make a list of the specific skills and qualities you would like to pick up and then go about picking up those skills and qualities. We've made a video about how to pick up new skills pretty quickly and you can check it out by clicking right here.

Emma: cinafox5 asks: "What are some tips you have about staying productive?" 

Both: Watch this video we made!

Mike: (whisper) Overonstesticle asks: "How do I go about getting a passport?"

Both: Watch this video we made!

Mike: And that is all we have for you today. This video was brought to you in part by views like you. If you would like to show your support for "How to Adult" you can do so at patreon.com/howtoadult

Emma: In the meantime, if you have any questions for us for a future Q and A video, please feel free to leave them for us in the comments section below. In the meantime, also, I have a Q for you Mike, and I hope that you will A it.

Mike: Go for it.

Emma: What's the catchphrase?

Mike: I accidentally deleted it. I was... I got the script here and it was there and I accidentally deleted it. I just don't even... Sometimes I just don't know.