(0:00) If my mom, who I often refer to on my YouTube channel, bless her heart, saw your performance right now, this is what she'd say, "You f ing failed." Sorry my mom can be a bit harsh. She's stern but honest, when the truth makes people feel bad. Otherwise she spins facts like a tilt-a-whirl.

(0:14) Alexander did order his men to go beardless because he wanted to make it harder for their enemies to get a grip on them during hand to hand combat. I keep razor blades in my beard. I go through a lot of pillows.

(0:25) Round four. Be glad I didn't use the other word I was considering that starts with four. Okay the number four is spelled differently, true, don't care.

(0:33) Sorry for that outburst. Okay, let's move on. Fact one: There is only one member of ZZ Top with out a beard, and his last name is beard. Or fact two: before the invention of the copper razor in three thousand BC people removed their beards with fire.

(0:45)Okay while you're deciding, I'm just gonna have some chips and salsa here. *clears throat* Yep. MM MM Mhmm. I'm Fu Manchewing on this chip. Ha ha get it? Remember back from round one? 'Member Fu Manchu, I was talking about Fu Manchu. Bringing it back. Bringing it home. Full circle. Circle of life. You know, I'm super clev. Clev is short for clever on the street. 

(1:14) Good chips and salsa. *chewing sounds* Have you decided yet?