Good morning, John! Thank you for your pea video!

My main problem with it is that it's very difficult to live up to. What a beautiful thing you did!

Folks over on the Nerdfighteria subreddit have been having a good ol' time. 
There's this and then this one happened and then this; this for some some reason, but then also, this... oh yeah!

One of my favorite things about being alive in the world right now is that I can Google pretty much anything and it's there.

Like I'm not gonna look any of these things up before I say them, and I'm going to put the pictures that I find after I film the video.

Show me:

A cat on a horse!

An owl with a hat!

A balloon...ninja!

I don't know what that is!

Show me:

A dog on a bunny! That doesn't sound like it's possible but I bet somebody figured out how to do it.

Was it good? Probably good! Probably not better than owl with a hat, maybe better than, Christmas...ferret. Just throwing the first result on here, no matter what it is. Christmas ferret!

John, I recently changed my house over to use Google WiFi, because it's a really, they're really quite well done things, but, you can either get one, or you get three for the price of two.

And so I, I only needed two and so I ended up with this extra, Google home router thing. And honestly I'm a little bit mad about it.

Like, my instinct is to hold onto this thing, like in case my house gets bigger I guess?

It's like a hundred-dollar-plus thing, and it's just gonna sit in a closet somewhere until it becomes obsolete enough that I feel okay taking it to Staples to get recycled. 

This is bad, it makes me upset, and there's only one thing to do with it.

Heavy metal music plays)

(Music stops, and Hank is playing his guitar and singing) I'm gonna sell it on Craigslist
Cause somebody wants it
And if I hit it with a hammer
It would become garbage

(Talking again) See, the situation is that Google mostly destroyed the economic value in the router by not offering me a discounted 2-pack. But people worked hard to create that thing, there's still value inside of it, and I should honor those people's hard work, yeah?

Even though I really do want to see what's on the inside of it, and there weren't any pictures of it on the internet. That's frustrating for me.

And look, it's probably also frustrating for a lot of people watching this. Because I kind of made a pact with you. I went and bought a hammer for $5, I did the whole thing with the dramatic lighting. And then there's like the title of the video! Like, I feel ba--

(Metal music cuts back in)

That's better!

This is the router that my Google Home system is replacing and it's a POS. What is this form factor? Why make it like this so that it's impossible for it to stay up? It is always falling o-- just the cords on the back of it yank it over! 

Yes, I filmed this before I smashed it. So I don't even know how satisfying it was to destroy that thing yet, but I'm gonna find out.

Look, it's from 2012. It's done with. They're going for about 20 bucks on Amazon right now, and at a certain point it just isn't worth it for me to stick something on Craigslist--have somebody weird come to my house and get a router: "Meet me in the Target parking lot."

Who can compete with the convenience of Amazon!?

DFTBA.com, your friendly neighborhood e-tailer. Serving now McElroy merch! And also "The Babysitters Club Club," the best in all the Babysitters Club podcasts. 

Speaking of DFTBA.com, let's throw up that weird pea shirt!

Alright. John, I'll see you on Tuesday.

Mm.

Am I gonna eat the whole doughnut? No, I'm not. I'm a 38-year-old man. I'm not gonna eat a rusty hammer doughnut, okay? Bye!