Dr. Lindsey Doe: I'm Dr. Lindsey Doe, and this is Sexplanations.

-- Intro Cut Scene --

The earliest memory I have of being sexual was age five. I was living in Florida, and in my bedroom I put a shell like this one in my vagina. I have no recollection of how I got it out.

The next memory was closer to age 12. I was watching the Disney Musical Newsies and felt this warm flush whenever Jack, played by Christian Bale, appeared on screen. I'd had crushes prior to this: Robbie Newman, the 4-square champion; and Fritz, the cutest guy in 8th Grade, but seeing Newsies was the first time my genitals were involved.

Shortly after, genital arousal became a regular occurrence, and it led me to tactics like humping dolls and cushions. I think at one point I even used a lotion bottle like a dildo because my body craved something inside it, and sex to me then was unacceptable. 

I was living as a Chfristian, going to church camps and singing "number one we;ve just begun, God should be first in your life. Number two the idol rule, those craven images aren't nice." I had planned on waiting until marriage to have sex, but my vagina was not in the business of waiting.  None of my nether region was. So the guy I was seeing and I drove to an open field where we could cuddle in a sleeping bag and I maneuvered his erect penis into my anus, no problem. I went on to have oral and vaginal sex with him. he was an excellent lover but our relationship didn't last. Soon, I was dating someone new. This partner would use his fingers to penetrate me, and I would gush all this clear fluid, which we were both really puzzled by. I became even more determined to study sexuality and solve the mystery.

Like it was my mission, I kept having sex, studying sex, and telling others what I was learning. At one point I attended a presentation by Dr. Ruth Westheimer, a very popular sex educator. Someone from the audience asked her about her sex life and my recollection is that she answered "the shoemaker's husband has no shoes," which we were to interpret as "the sex expert's husband has no sex."

I was working towards becoming a sexologist like Dr. Ruth, but right then and there I silently declared I was not going to be like her. In my case, the shoemaker and the shoemakers partners would have the finest shoes. It was working well - I dated two guys from work, I tried out a one-night stand, and later fell in love. I got the orgasm thing down, and I learned a lot about different body types and shapes and sizes. What I was and wasn't into, and I'm grateful for those times.

I'm not grateful for when my amazing sex streak came to a halt. I was fooling around with a new partner, having sex that was really passionate, but over time became really excruciating. The six gynecologists I went to couldn't figure out why. I described it to them as a burning torch going inside of me, or a jagged sword, but none of them made a diagnosis. No infections, no allergies, no endometriosis. This is probably the saddest most confusing my sex life has felt. But a year later, I found resolve. I sat down with someone who talked me through my sexuality and learned about dyspareunia - the clinical term for pain during intercourse. Basically, I wasn't taking care of myself, in what had become an abusive relationship, and my vagina put up its guard for all of me. It tried signalling with pain "this person isn't safe!" So once I worked through that emotionally, my sex life was ok again.

Until I became a full time doctoral student in sexuality with a different sex life and a different dilemma. Eight hours a day of sex lectures, nightly reading of sex books, part-time job sex-educating, sex curriculum building, sex interviewing, sex textbook editing, and then thinking about what I was learning when I wasn't doing those things flooded me physiologically. I was turned on all day. Which was great for the times when i was able to have sex, or masturbate, but for the other 26 times throughout the day, when I was aroused and couldn't get to it, I had to cope. By which I mean I learned to orgasm without contact. School was this really exploratory time for me. Student Lindsey tried sex clubs, pole dancing, BDSM, flirting with women, and public nudity. But Lindsey the sexual being was (and is) far more vanilla.

A year after I graduated from my doctoral program, I hooked up with a man I am still seeing today. I was initially interested because he had nipple piercings and knew how to swing dance, I stayed because of his integrity. Our sex life is the best I could hope for. We have open communication, adventures, and resistance towards stagnation. We're committed to it. Even when I'm struggling mentally or he's struggling physically. Which is not to say we force anything, we just don't fall complacent to our challenges. for example, my partner is 34 and in good health, aside from severe arthritis. A few weeks ago, he had his hip replaced, leaving him wih stitches right where my thigh would rub if we had sex, me on top. That didn't stop us from getting off though! We have fingers and mouths, our imaginations and years and years of practice. And now my sex life is the way I want it to be! It's playful and challenging and unfinished. It's something I can learn from and it's something I can apply my lessons to. And hopefully it will stay this way.

Stay Curious!