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Last sync:2023-05-02 17:15
In which Hank and Katherine find Tom Riddle's diary and go into an olde timey memory.
Katherine: Oh!

Hank: Cutscene. Cutscene. We're back!

K: Uh oh, cutscene! Hello, welcome back!

H: To Hank and Katherine...

K: Hermione is figuring something out!

H: But just in time, she had to look in her hand-mirror and oh, petrificus. Oh, no!

K: Hm. Hm

H: Hey, why did you have this thing?

K: Hello?

H: It's very pink!

K: It has something to do with the bathroom!

H: Last time, we went to the Slytherin common room and I am not entirely sure why. It seems that we did nothing. And then Hermione, like, did all the work while she was a cat.

K: Um...Yeah. What we found out was that Draco Malfoy is not the heir of Slytherin.

H: Right. Yeah, that he's like a total punk. He's just a punk

K: He...wishes he knew who it was though because he would shake their hand, getting rid of all the mudbloods in school. Blah blah blah! Blabbity bleh bleh!

H: Yeah, except that it seems as if...

K: Now we're back in this place and I don't like this place.

H: Hello?

K: We don't need to do anything with him.

H: Okay.

K: We already did him. We already did that too.

H: We already did everybody.

K: Yep. We have done them all.

H: Harry and Ron do Hogwarts! (Laughs)

K: (Laughing) Harry...Harry does Hogwarts, years 1-4!

H: I would read...I would read those books.

K: Nooooo!

H: No? Slash fiction? No?

K: No!

H: Oh, Moaning Myrtle you're a terrible...such a funny voice! And you're so horny!

K: Sounds kind of like she was maybe...doing something very private in that stall...

H: (Laughs) You know...

K: Wow, I'm not going there. Okay! I'm getting hit by things!

H: I just exploded, as far as I can tell. OW! Okay, that was death to me. I'm Harry by the way.

K: I know!

H: Okay, making sure. Are you throwing things at us, Myrtle?

K: Yes.

H: Myrtaculous! Oooh, clever beans! Clever beans!

K: Remember? Probably should remember this, uh...this...

H: Hello, Myrtle baby! Give us the moan! Moan it up, Myrtle. Ah! Aaahhhh, ahh ahh. Why can't I grab it?

K: I don't know.

H: Grabby baby.

K: It's not showing up now. You stay over there!

H: Me?

K: Yes, you stay on your side, I stay on my side! Split it up!

H: Where are you, Myrtaculous? Myrtle baby. Myrtle Beach. Ah, balls!

K: Mhm.

H: Nope! Show us! Show us yourself! Oh, in the forehead!

K: Aw fff.....I missed.

H: Take! Nope. No Myrtle.

K: What? Ah! Okay.

H: Aw that one was big!

K: I am really...I'm doing it. I'm pushing the...

H: But you know that it...nothing like, bad happens.

K: Yeah, I shot you.

H: Oh, you found her!

K: Right in the pants.

H: I shot you right out of your pants!

K: Ugh. I'm finding your games boring, Myrtle.

H: AH! Ducky! You can't do it with can't do anything with those big ones.

K: Ohhhh...

H: With the ones that are made of metal. They're too big.

K: Oh, is that what's happening? Okay.

H: What the frick?

K: That was a sink! Apparently you can't do anything with that one, either. Ahh run away!

H: Ah, come on. Give us something I can work with here!

K: That was a toilet.

H: Yeah it was a toilet. I just...get it up with those ones. Got all of 'em. Come on, where are you? (imitates Myrtle's screaming)

K: Yeah, you better scream!

H: (Laughing) Yeah! Somebody threw this book at me!

K: I'll give you scream-y. I'll give you a scream-y reason. Mmm!

H: God, such a good book! All these things!

K: I know.

H: They're great.

K: Ah...I just got...What? Wha...wha what?

H: Oh we are back in the past!

K: Sucked into the book and...there she goes on a stretcher!

H: I didn't..

K: I don't know anything about this, Albus Dumbledorious!

H: I don't care about nothin'!

K: I'm gonna find where the spiders are comin' from and pin this on the Hagrid, though!

H: (Singing) The Haggar, pin it on the Haggar!

K: I am Tom Riddle, bitches! I know every spell!

H: What am I doing with this? What am I doing with this? I got a thing!

K: Wooo!

H: I got a thing. I got a thing, what am I doing with it? Putting it in here.

K: (Muttering)

H: Put it in there! Make a potion! It's important! Ah, there's a Mandrake. Balls!

K: Mandrake balls?

H: Mandrake balls! Mandrake balls. Hello? Hello? I want to go in here!

K: I don't really like this one because it is difficult to see what things are when they are in grey-scale. Or whatever this...

H: Sepia tone?

K: Yes, Sepia. Old-timey sepia.

Both (Muttering made up words)

H: Yes!

K: One of six statues stabbed!

H: One of six. How...why can't I...whoa. Okay, why can't I do that? Hello? There we go. I had to complete the cabinet, now I can do it. Hello, I've got headphones.

K: Headphones?

H: Headphones! 

K: Hm.

H: And I'm gonna take you over here, and I'm gonna break these, and hooray. Horrizle. Is Tom Riddle smart enough to open this?

K: Oh my god, ow!

H: You got your pixie on?

K: I do.

H: Are you using it or are you pushing the trigger?

K: I'm pushing the Z button

H: Really?

K: This one!

H: Oh, it doesn't look the right color.

K: It's because I am from the past, I do not have color! I am but a memory!

H: (Laughs)

K: (Laughs) Ahhhhhh!

H: Where is the pot?

K: Maybe I do this, instead.

H: Oh, I broke this, that's good.

K: Can't do that.

H: Use pot. Okay, I'm gonna try...

K: There's...another one over here, look.

H: I...I wanna try this.

K: Oh.

H: Okay, I can do it.

K: Eh, great.

H: Well it's looking like the first one.

K: I'm just useless.

H: Got 'em! Got the little punks.

K: Bunks!
H: Bunks. You wanna, can you do the cabinet? The book cabinet?

K: I tried! Z, right?

H: Yeah. Neither of us are smart enough, apparently.

K: Well, I don't have the book. Look how fast I spell! Zam zam! Zam zam zam!

H: Can you get on this? And I can like, carry you around?

K: No, just build it.

H: If you build it...they will filled it!

K: Hm.

H: That doesn't...that doesn't look good.

K: It'll do.

H: That'll..that'll do, donkey. What? I don't have a book. What are we doing, oh my god! So dark!

K: What is happening?

H: I don't know, I cannot see.

K: You turned on some candles maybe?

H: Candles? Yes, I turned on candles. We still have not found anything like what we need. See, there's the thing that we need to pull with our strength potion.

K: Oh, yeah.

H: But I have not...let me get this Mandrake back out, and I'll take it over to that thing.

K: Yeah. You have gotta go break that thing.

H: (Sighs) Okay. I'm gonna go do that. You, meanwhile

K: There's another one over here. There's have to get up here. There is another one over here, too.

H: Okay.

K: There is a thing here that I need to shoot, and stab itself in the head...

H: That didn't seem to do me any good. I got a lot of bolts...studs.

K: Hm.

H: (Sighs) Oh, Myrtle Beach. What...ooh! I found another thing.

K: Yep, there's another one over here, too.

H: Cannot walk around them. Alright, squeaky drake! Squeak drake!

K: Squeak drake. Yeah...crack it.

H: Anything in there? Doesn't appear to be anything in there.

K: Oh, man it's so hard to see what the frick is going on. Okay. Forget that. Come over here.

H: Mhm.

K: Jump on that pedestal there.

H: This one?

K: No. The one in the...the one I'm pointing at right now.

H: Okay.

K: Now jump on this one. The middle one.

H: Oh! Nicely done!

K: Now jump on that one. Aw, crap! Crap on a cracker. Oh my god, who am I? Okay, I was confused about who I was for a second. Only a second! Oh, nuts. That...

H: Why don't you go to the right?

K: Because I have to go over there first!

H: Okay.

K: (Singing) The pedestal...why can't I get up on it now? You stupid...pieces of crap

H: Oh my god, I haven't...I haven't done the thing.

K: Ugh! It's so hard to see! My...okay, I'll do the jumping. This part. You get on.

H: Oh...

K: Get it? Get that part?


K: Yep. Yep.

H: I'm confused.

K: Those two go out at the same time, so wait there...

H: Okay.

K: Now, now jump over. There you go.

H: Ahaha! 

K: Shoot that thing

H: Okay

K: Then you get that, shoot that other thing.

H: What other thing?

K: Yep. Look at all of those things you need, right there.

H: Oh, and this! And this! Oh my god!

K: No NO!! Okay.

H: I thought we needed this. We needed to bring it down.

K: We do. Okay, that's true. That's true. We need to go over again, too.

H: Okay. Oh Myrtle Beach. My...standing on it...

K: Wrong button.

H: I'm not, it was the right button!

K: There you go. Ready, again?

H: Apparently Tom Riddle's just a bad jumper.

K: Well, yes. Yes, now to the right.

H: Not known for his excellent jumping.

K: Get it!

H: What is this?

K: I don't know.

H: Hello?

K: Hm.

H: No idea.

K: Oh, careful!

H: What just happened?

K: I don't know. You fell down.

H: And I'm stuck. Well how was I supposed to know? Because you can't frickin see anything!

K: Wait! Oh, it's a cabinet.

H: You're just in the cabinet.

K: Okay.

H: I need your help.

K: Okay, I get it but I don't really understand what you're going to do when you get my help.

H: I'm gonna keep going! I just didn't jump!

K: Oh.

H: Because it was dark and I couldn't frickin tell what was going on.

K: Well. There you go. Okay...go!

H: Okay! Ugh

K: Turn on those candles, maybe!

H: (Long groan)

K: Yep. Mhm. Let's do this again, this is fun! This is so much fun, Harry Potter.

H: (Groan)

K: Let us cooperate together to as Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort.

H: Fart-knocker! Get in the thing! That makes perfect sense. Faaaaaa!!! No, this one!

K: (Laughs)

H: Go. 

K: You go!

H: Okay, there is it.

K: Now jump! Ohhh.

H: Ughhh

K: Wow that was a bad jump.

H: What the ballsack!?? I have a flaming ballsack!

K: Oh my god.

H: Maybe we can do something with these

K: Oh, thank you. No, you need those to get up to that...this platform eventually.

H: But I can't like, jump up there with that? I have to do all that over again and over and over again? (Angry muttering)

K: Where does this...where does it go? I'm just putting it away. So we don't have to deal with the...

H: It's right over there. We got earmuffs, it doesn't matter!

K: You shut up. Get in there. 

H: Okay. Oh my god. And it's like extra hard to get on to those things too!

K: I know...cause you cannot see what you're doing.

H: And there's a the way!

K: Go.

H: Okay

K: You have to come out a little bit? See, and then jump! Jump!!! Yeah!

H: Yes!

K: Okay, alright.

H: What is this thing? Ugh it's my frickin milk bottle.
K: Ah, there it is! Your frickin what? 

H: Milk bottle.

K: It's a milk bottle?

H: It looks like a milk bottle. 

K: Okay, wait.

H: I fell.

K: Oh, you did. That's too bad.

H: Okay, well we got the strength potion at least. Okay. I'm gonna try and pull this thing.

K: Hm. Did something bad.

H: Hopefully something will happen. Something helpful that will make it so that all of the BS that we continue to have to do...come on! Yes!!

K: Oh, so much usefulness. No no. Oh, god! Tom Riddle always picking the wrong one! This...that one! That one. Right. Tom Riddle. Tom Riddle. 

H: Are we both doing this?

K: I...don't know.

H: I'm gonna guess we were.

K: Sorry. This one over here needs to be moved over a little bit. Keep going.

H: Oh my balls.

K: Yes. Your...your...your aching balls. I know.

H: Okay.

K: Okay.

H: That good?

K: That'll do, probably.

H: Okay. 

K: Hopefully.

H: Let's go do the thing again, because we love to do it so much!

K: Indeed.

H: Should we end this episode here?

K: I have no idea.

H: Okay. Let's try and do this once and if we miss it then people are gonna have to wait.

K: (Mumbling)

Both: WHOA

K: Careful, sh sh sh sh sh

H: Wow. Couldn't have done that any worse.

K: (Coughs)

H: Okay, now let's..huh! Oh yes.

K: Okay shoot that. Shoot it! Shoot! Arrrrgh!

H: Yeah, Hogwarts crest!

K: What? What potion? What? Ahh! 

H: Are you serious?!

K: This is the end of this episode of Hank and Katherine play LEGO Harry Potter Years 1 through 4 (mumbling)

H: Definitely oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Goodbye!

K: You will NOT see us! And we will not see you, but you will hear us be more frustrated next time on LEGO Harry Potter Years 1 through 4. Goodbye!

H: Goodbye.