[Lydia grabs Lizzie and makes her sit down]

Lizzie: Lydia, turn it off!

Lydia: Sure sis, as soon as you explain to all of our wonderful, awesome, sexy viewers why you won't let me borrow your car.

Lizzie: Ok, first of all, they're not OUR viewers, they're MY viewers. Just because you talked at your phone for five minutes at Mary's, doesn't mean you can steal my viewers.

​Lydia: But they like me! I'm sure that they would want you to let me borrow your car so I can go visit my very sick, very lonely friend.

Lizzie: At the mall?

​Lydia: [pouts]

Lizzie: Lydia, Mom took away your car privileges for a reason.

​Lydia: Oh, come on, I promise I won't do that in there, there's no room, anyway.

[knock at the door, Mr. Collins comes in without waiting for a response]

Mr. Collins: Hello, Miss Bennet! And, um, Miss Young Bennet...am I interrupting something?

Lizzie [unenthusiastic]: Interrupting, no, when have you ever done that...

Mr Collins [coming over and sitting down between Lizzie and Lydia]: Perfect! Well I was hoping you'd have a moment to discuss your process of vlogging. I find it inherently unique, or perhaps it's the complex narrative that you're telling-

Lizzie: No!

Mr. Collins: Well, I just thought that

Lizzie: No!

Lydia: But you were gonna let me borrow your car, right?

Lizzie: No, no! No car, no vlogging, no any and everything that you could possibly have to ask me! My name is Lizzie Bennet, and I am storming out!

[Lizzie gets up and leaves]

[Intro Plays]

[Lydia and Mr. Collins sit in awkward silence]

Mr. Collins: So...you were going to show me how Lizzie vlogs?

Lydia: Sure, Ricky.

Mr. Collins: Uh...Mr. Collins, I'd prefer.

Lydia: And I'd prefer to be really famous and get tons of free stuff. Deal. So! You want to know how Lizzie vlogs?

Mr. Collins: I have assured you most earnestly that I do.

Lydia: Great! Then you just have to do everything that I say. Everything.

[cut to Lydia dressed as Mr. Bennet, Mr. Collins dressed as Mrs. Bennet]

Lydia: Good morning, dear, I assume you would like to discuss how pathetically single our daughters are.

Mr. Collins: No, Mrs. Bennet has always been so delightful towards me, yet Lizzie's vlogs paint her in such a manipulative light! Is lamenting over having single daughters truly all your mother ever does?

Lydia: Rule number one about Lizzie's diaries, they're Lizzie's diaries. She sees what she wants to see, now stay in character!

Mr. Collins: Yes, right, of course, um...[immitating Lizzie's Mrs. Bennet voice] It's very tragic, perhaps we should...concoct a scheme to rectify this affliction of singledom.

Lydia: Ugh, no one talks like that!

[Cut to Lydia dressed in Lizzie's plaid shirt, Mr. Collins dressed as Darcy]

Mr. Collins: ...I don't think I understand-

Lydia [Interrupting rudely]: Shut up.

Mr. Collins: But what are we-

Lydia: Don't talk to me, I hate you.

Mr. Collins: I thought we were performing in costume theater-

Lydia: Oh my God, you are literally the most infuriating human being on the planet, and if you speak another word to me I will slap you so hard that you will fall back in time to before it was cool to like things before they were cool!

Mr. Collins: [speechless] I-I'm not sure what I have done to upset you so vehemently, but you are [nervous laugh] very feisty!

Lydia: [as herself] That was me being Lizzie and you're Darcy!

Mr. Collins: Oh! Haha, yes of course, that's fantastic, ok, let me try!

Lydia: Nope! Next!

[cut to Lydia dressed as Jane, Mr. Collins dressed as Bing]

Lydia​: You're so amazing! I wish we could ride off together and leave this all behind. We could get married underneath a twilight sky, and dance with the chipmunks and sparrows to celebrate our eternal love. Bask in the morning light as the darkness fades, just you and me, moving together over and over and over, binging as one.

Mr. Collins: [makes extremely uncomfortable noises as Lydia alias Jane clings to him] I gotta go [dashes out of the room]

Lydia​: [takes the Jane flower out of her hair and throws it down, smiling triumphantly] And that, my nerdy older sister, is how you properly get rid of Mr. Collins. BOOM!

[Outro plays]

Lizzie: Okay. That was impressive, I'll admit. Not the part about me making up stuff about mom, or Darcy not acting like an infuriating dingbat, but uh... Lydia deserves some credit for her amazing, if utterly disturbing, success at getting Ricky Collins to shut up and leave.

Lydia: So now do I get to borrow your car?

Lizzie: No.