Dr. Doe: His name was Jonathan. We went out to dinner. I had the grilled salmon, then he took me to a sandy beach along the river where we tried to make castles. I asked if he would stop by the store on the way home to get condoms, and he said yes. I remember taking a shower with him and assessing whether or not I wanted to continue. Yes, I did. One time, casually, no strings attached. Whether it's one time, or one thousand times, there are some important lessons on how to  encounter someone casually. Are you curious?

-- Intro Cut Scene --

Lesson #1: Preparation

If you're the host of a casual encounter, it would be so great if you had: clean sheets and towels, condoms (including non-latex ones), snacks, water, and extra toothbrushes.

If you're the visitor, I recommend having: at least two of your favorite condoms, a small thing of lube, maybe a tiny vibrator, and your own travel toothbrush.

I'm getting hot just thinking about this hypothetical hookup.

Lesson#2: Interview

Find out if your potential hookup is actually someone you want to play with. Are they into safer sex? Are they pro choice? How's the rhythm? Is there attraction to their personality? Any red flags? What does your gut say? These are some of your deal-breakers. I'm glad to see this is a community that cares about protection. The interview can weed out problems, but it can also highlight the fun you can have. For example: What are you hoping I'll do with you later? Have any exciting kinks? What would make this incredible for you? Have you heard of Sexplanations?


Lesson #3: Identification


Once you've identified your playmate (or mates) take a selfie together, preferably in front of their license plate or with their ID, and send it to a friend with your intentions. And tell your new buddy that that's what you're doing. That you're texting your friend where you'll be, who you're with, and that you'll check in later.

Lesson #4 Exit Strategy

If you're doing something for the first time, chances are you might not like it. I tried mango packed in chili powder, and was not a fan. That doesn't mean it's bad, or people who like it are bad, it means that I should stop eating it. So how does this apply to your sexual encounter? Well you'd ask beforehand "what should I do if this doesn't go how we want it to?" Hopefully, you'll get a response that makes you feel amazing. Like "Well then we do something else" or "I'd be happy to get you a cab and make you some tea to drink while we wait."

If you're having to reject someone in the moment it may sound like: "It's not doing it for me", "Something feels off, can we watch a movie instead?", "I think I overestimated my readiness for this."

Lesson #5: Freshen Up

I used to think that it was strange when the female lead in a movie would say she needed to freshen up before sex, and then the next scene would be of her staring into the mirror. If it wasn't PG, what they would have shown you was her leg up on the sink, wiping clumps of toilet paper off her labia, and changing into sexy panties that don't have discharge in the crotch! That's "freshening up!" Personally, I'm a big fan of showering together because it's sensual, informative, and effective and removing body odors.

Lesson #6: Show & Tell

Show your temporary lover what feels best, where in your body, and how. Use your words. Ask for it harder or slower or in a completely different position. I want you to say what you need for the most pleasure possible.

Lesson #7: Don't Forget to Be Awesome

I'm sure the Vlog Brothers never anticipated their slogan would reference casual sex, but here we are! You have the opportunity to be as playful and sexy and horny as you decide to be. You don't have to get caught up on issues of self-confidence and body image. Be Awesome! One thing that can make a one night stand  memorable is if you treat each other to things you're really into. 

I hooked up with a sexologist friend who told me he enjoyed anal stimulation while masturbating. I thought "I can do that!" and put a lubricated condom on one of his vibrators. I proceeded with care, reading his body language to determine whether or not he wanted it deeper or faster or not at all. And I also used my words to ask. Two sexologist friends, playing together, got exactly what they wanted because they knew how to communicate and not judge. You can have this too, if you want it - casual or committed - just follow lessons one through seven and

Lesson #8: Stay Curious.


-- Cut Screen --

Dr. Doe: Matt - who does all the directing, editing and videography for Sexplanations - and I, are going to be at VidCon this week.

Matt: So if you see us walking around, come up and say hi!

Dr. Doe: Yeah. Yay! We did it!