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Good morning, John.

I know that you and a lot of other people worked  very hard on the Turtles all the Way Down movie, but nothing should be immune from critique. So in the spirit of open honesty, I felt I was morally obliged to make this video  discussing everything wrong with turtles all the way down.

Number one, no turtles.  There are some reptiles, zero turtles. Number two, when I read the book,  I remember very specifically the scene with Daisy and Aza sitting at the Applebee's. They were sitting on the other side of the aisle  on the interior of the restaurant rather than by the window.

But in the movie, they're sitting next to the window,  which is different from how I imagined it, and I don't know why you didn't know that.  Number three, the stick that they found in the woods that they were playing with. No way you find a stick that good. That stick is too perfect.  Nobody ever finds a stick that good.

Totally unrealiStick. Fourth, Davis orders Dr. Peppers for everyone at the Applebee's,  and it's adorable that he remembers that Dr.

Pepper is Aza's favorite. But what about the other two? He's a confident guy,  but he's also a considerate guy.

And no one goes around ordering Dr. Peppers  for people if they don't  know they like Doctor Pepper. It's Doctor Pepper.

Which leads me to number five.  Dr. Pepper is no one's favorite soda. That's ridiculous.  Which leads me to number six.

Whoever they got to play   the volleyball coach is just not very good.  Number seven, in the United States of America, we have something called a gift tax. And any gift that is over the value of in 2023, when the movie takes place, $17,000 is taxed.  When Davis gives the money to Aza, that is a initial taxable event.  And then when Aza gives the money to Daisy, that is a second taxable event. Because Davis did not give  the money directly to Daisy,  her money has, in effect, been double taxed.

But more importantly, I don't  think either Daisy or Aza  have any idea about the gift tax. Whereas Davis should know about this as a high net worth individual. And thus, in effect, Davis has turned Daisy and Aza into tax criminals.

Number eight, I don't know what city this is, but it's not Indianapolis. Like, what building is that? Actually, let me use my Google lens  to tell me what city it is.

It's Queen City Square in Cincinnati, Ohio.  What? That's basically Indianapolis.  If you were gonna do it in Cincinnati, why didn't you just actually do it Indy? I don't understand things.

Nine I no longer like it  when dad's dying is a plot point in things. Couple of years ago, that'd be fine. now?  Don't love it. Ten the part, you know the part.  That part.

That particular part. It just made me cry pretty intensely.  And then I had to go to a business meeting and you should have been more considerate. John the movie is beautiful.

It's amazing. It's remarkable even. I watched the whole thing and did not pick up my phone the whole time,  which is not normal for me.

It had so many like,  beautiful and intense and touching moments. I am proud to be even peripherally   connected to it. And it's on Max.

Unless you're not in the US, in which case it's probably on a Max like thing.  If you are in the US, you can get Max through the Play Store,  through the App Store, through Amazon prime, or just at And while you're signed up for Max, you can watch the Sopranos and Game of Thrones  and Friends and the Barbie movie and Conan O'Brien's new travel show,  Conan Must Go, and Rick and Morty and the Boondocks and the NBA playoffs  and Last Week Tonight and Euphoria and The Property Brothers and Deadwood. And look, finish the Turtles  all the Way Down movie. And then you have a bunch of content to rummage around with for however long  you want to stick with that subscription.

Thank you to everybody online who has been so supportive of the movie. I've loved to see the things people are creating from it, from the first movie,  The Fault in Our Stars, to this one. What a thing it has been to be a part of both of these worlds in this weird way.

And I have not been a part of it. But through you I have been,  which I'm very grateful  for, to see what it's like,  which makes me not jealous. It seems hard.

John, I'll see you on Tuesday.